A month before my elopement, my best friend of 10 years (who was part of my bridal party) told me I was taking away from her elopement because me and my fiance were getting eloped on the same mountain as her. When she got eloped a couple years ago, she only wanted it to be with her partner and immediate family. I didn’t even realize it was on the same mountain my partner and I were planning to get eloped on because hers was planned so privately. We had our own personal reasons we wanted to be on that mountain and we wanted our friends to be there because they are like our family. I thought she would be excited for me, and she was the first person I told about our plans. She seemed happy for us but a month before the elopement, she calls me and says that she felt upset about how we didn’t ask her if we can get eloped on the same mountain that she got eloped on and by us having our elopement there, we were taking away meaning from her elopement because it was her and her partner’s special spot. She continued to say that she thought I was shoving my elopement plans in her face and bringing all of our friends there when we are already planning a bigger wedding next year and that she didn’t have a big wedding. I told her I wouldn’t be that petty and didn’t even remember where she got eloped. She continued to say that I was copying her elopement and that it was like getting the same wedding dress as her. Our elopement location was on the same mountain, in a totally different location, had a different back drop of mountains, and was during the winter with snow. Hers was during the summer. I told her I didn’t want her to feel hurt and so my partner and I considered changing our elopement plans and location (again this is weeks before the wedding after we made our hotel accommodations and our friends were going to make a weekend out of it). Eventually we decided to keep our plans because it felt true and authentic to our relationship. I later found out that they didn’t actually get eloped there. They took elopement photos and said their personal vows there, then got eloped in the city with only their immediate family members present. She didn’t end up coming to my elopement because I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable having her there because it felt weird to me that she was going to be having all these feelings and thoughts during a special moment in our lives. I also asked her to be a guest instead of a bridesmaid. This brought so much stress to the planning and ruined my excitement for the day. When I got to the mountain, I cried because of not having a dear friend there and due to all the stress and sadness she made around something so special to me. Now it’s been a few months after the elopement, and I’ve been hearing that she is still upset about this and that she is the one who is hurt in the friendship. She has yet to take accountability for how she affected this special moment in my life and the hurtful things she said. I decided to end our friendship because it was clear to me that she wasn’t going to reflect deeper and gain more self awareness around this situation. After our elopement, I had a conversation with her husband, who is also our friend. He said he was also upset that we didn’t ask them if we could get eloped on the same mountain as them. He wanted us to ask him as a courtesy but didn’t care for us to change our plans. I validated his feelings of being upset and said that wasn’t my intention. Then the conversation was past us and he said he would still like to be friends even though his wife and I aren’t friends anymore. Am I missing something here and did I do something wrong to hurt my (former) friend? Should I have never ended the friendship at all? Should she still be invited to the wedding?
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