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Beginner April 2022

Best friend won’t acknowledge engagement

Scr, on November 11, 2020 at 1:45 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16
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Hi ladies 👋🏾,


So my best friend of 15 years refuses to acknowledge my engagement or wedding planning. My fiancé proposed at my birthday party last month and contact my BFF beforehand to get her to help him with ideas. She ordered a cake and a cake topper. On the day of my birthday she seemed to be reserved and when he proposed she took photos with me and posted on my social media that she was so happy. After that she has turned mute, of I being up plans or anything she has a very rude comment or will not comment at all. We are having a destination wedding in 2022 as both our families live in that country.
When we decided on a date I called her excitedly told her we were coming planning for May 2022 and she said “why would u choose that date Everyone knows that’s expensive”
The next day I was excited to buy a wedding planner and went to chapters. I took a pic on Instagram And thought I was sending it to a few close friends but accidentally made a group. She text me and said “ I was about to cuss you, why the f would u make a group just to show off a wedding planner”
Next we went to a family members house and they were all congratulating us, a guy we know asked to see my ring and made a joke saying my fiancé “must be rich because my ring is gorgeous” I told her about this next day and her response was “why is he making a big deal it’s just a ring”
She refuses to talk to me about any plans, she avoids all convos, it’s as if I never go engaged as she still calls me daily to talk about anything else but once this topic comes up she goes silent. everyone assumes she will be my MOH but I don’t need those negative vibes around me. I tried to have a convo with her one day about it and mentioned that she didn’t seem thrilled, she didn’t admit or deny it but said “well what do u want me to say, if u want me to be part of your wedding I will have to, I can’t say no”

16 Comments

Latest activity by Pirate & 60s Bride, on November 12, 2020 at 12:38 AM
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Where is it written than friends will always be happy about your choice to get married, or want to share any details of your planning? You seem to have realized she is not interested. Now take the next step, and stop talking to her about it. Communicate about anything but your wedding with her. Talk wedding with other people who are interested.
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  • S
    Beginner April 2022
    Scr ·
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    I understand that she doesn’t want to talk about it, it’s very clear. I mentioned that I no longer talk to her about any of it I’m just hurt.
    I’m happy for all my friends/family regardless of what I’m going through so I don’t understand it.
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    It sounds like she's a bit jealous, and having trouble processing that.

    Give her some space, talk to her about anything that *isn't* the wedding, and wait for her to bring it up.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Sounds like she is jealous or doesn't support your relationship. I wouldn't discuss the wedding with her at all. I would also seriously consider if you want this woman to still be a part of your wedding since she doesn't support you. Has she been happy for you for other life events? If the answer is no that would definitely make me reconsider the friendship.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Honey, there are things neither you nor I will ever puzzle out about other people. My parents, and those in the tight neighborhood I grew up in taught " treat others as you would like to be treated" as the decision maker in any discussions or disputes. Which dod include a little gray area for people not being perfect, and extending each other a little understanding, even when we didn't quite get it. Then they sent us to school/ the greater world.
    Things like needing attention even from doing bad things that will get you punishment, unreasoning jealousy, the idea of being the best because you are able to hurt or exclude all the others because you and a few friends are tough and mean. ( Cliques and the mean girls.) Sometimes others, friends and family you know well, seem to switch over to another operating system, and 'how I would treat them ' is no predictor of how they are going to treat you. If you just retreat a bit and give her space, as you intend, maybe she will work out these feelings she has, and you will get back to a normal give and take. Worth it for a long term good friend, but unexpected and upsetting all the same. ...🙂🙃
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  • K
    Dedicated January 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    Im sorry but that is no longer your best friend and you should move on. I'd invite her but wouldn't expect much.
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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    I agree with PPs. She Obviously isn't thrilled and it sounds like there's some jealousy behind her comments and attitude. Give her some space, don't include her in wedding planning talk, and see where this takes you both.

    As for her comment about being in the wedding, it also doesn't sound like she wants to be an actual part in it aside from a guest, so to save you some negative vibes from that...just don't have her in the wedding party.

    I'm sorry she isn't reacting the way you had hoped she would! While we wish the ones dearest to us felt the same way we did, we can't control how they feel, and don't know if there's an underlying issue behind their emotions. I hope you two can salvage the relationship!

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  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
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    She may think she's losing you to him. Unreasonable, yes, rational, no - human, absolutely. Maybe you can sit her down and have a heart to heart about your relationship with her? Or she may be concerned about the money to travel for your wedding, and the stress is manifesting this way? I would not have her in the wedding, but you have a while before you have to choose your wedding party, so see how things go over the next 8-10 months, and decide then. Don't mention to her that people comment on the size/cost of your ring (and the guy's comment was rude too). Don't talk wedding with her (I know it's hard).

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  • S
    Beginner April 2022
    Scr ·
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    Yes, I agree as well. It’s a tough one, she always says that if she were to get married I would be a bridesmaid etc and calls me everyday to brag or vent about her relationship. I have learned my lesson and will not talk to her about it.
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  • S
    Beginner April 2022
    Scr ·
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    Update:


    I forgot to add that our friend who is her other best friend also go engaged a month before me and is planning on getting married in 2023.
    I wouldn’t dare bring this up to our other friend because I don’t want to gossiping but this friend pulled me aside a few weeks ago and vented that she is going through the same thing. She told me she also had a conversation with her and my friends response was “you’re making me sound like I’m a hater”. So it’s clearly not just me, she may be unhappy that bother her friends are getting married
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  • S
    Beginner April 2022
    Scr ·
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    Great advice! I actually did sit her down and mentioned that I notice she isn’t too thrilled and asked if she is concerned about the money involved or anything else. I asked her how she felt and she just shut the conversation down.
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  • RaylaSan
    Expert February 2021
    RaylaSan ·
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    I would honestly tell her that you were considering having her be your maid of honor, or a bridesmaid, but since she obviously isn't too thrilled, happy, or nice about it, than she'll have a grand time being your guest at the wedding.

    Put your foot down, don't try to appease a "friend" when it comes to your wedding. If you make her your bridesmaid, let alone the maid of honor just to appease people, understand that you're just going to be inviting a lot more unwanted drama.

    When it comes to weddings, you will realize quite well the people that are there for you, the people that care about you, and the people that could care less about you.

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  • M
    Savvy February 2022
    Milena ·
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    OMG! I swear I thought I was reading my story.
    We got engaged few months ago and I’m not from the states so we are getting married in my home country.
    I sent her a picture of when he proposed and she only said congrats.She later asked me if we had a date and location and I told her February 2022 and she was like “cool, I don’t think I till make it” ( she has a pending case with USCIS). Later, on my birthday people were asking about the bridal party and I said we weren’t having one, just my sister will be my maid of honor and my fiancé’s brothers will be best men.
    Few of my other friends ( not in the same circle of friends) said things about her that I didn't want to believe! Really heartbreaking but not let her take the happiness and joy of the planning away from you. If she's not exited about your wedding, just invite her as any other guests and if she wants to go, awesome, if not, you have another plate to save
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  • S
    Beginner April 2022
    Scr ·
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    Wow! We are going through the exact same thing ! Honestly this has just shown me that people are fake and are only happy for us when things are going well for them. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
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  • Susan
    Devoted October 2021
    Susan ·
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    Wow, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and your friend!

    There could be anything going on, but to me it sounds like jealousy. I would not ask her to be part of your wedding unless you want months of heartache and stress. Invite her as a standard guest, and let the chips fall where they may. Mute her on social media, but stay friends with her. That way she doesn't have any way to see the happy things you post and you can enjoy yourself without her raining on your parade.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Definitely jealousy going on. I’m not sure just ignoring it for now is the way to go. I’d probably have a heart-to-heart. Use examples of what she has said and how her lack of support is hurtful to her and you really want her support. See how she behaves after that. The friendship (sadly) might fade on its own.


    I had a friendship fizzle after I got engaged. We weren’t super close but it was still disappointing she had a “work event” the weekend of our local wedding reception when she knew about it months ahead of time. She never reached out during or after that.
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