Best friend/moh can't attend the wedding

View Quoted Comment Understanding that her priorities are different from your own, and accepting her friendship and celebrating what's important to her is the friendship.


If you don't think she's celebrating your happiness enough, then that's for you to decide. But making her trying to have a hypothetical baby as a negative ain't the move. what are you going to do if she's having trouble conceiving and is depressed about it? Tell her you're happy, and at least she can be your MOH? ... Zoom out.

View Quoted Comment That’s another reason why I’m frustrated. I hate hate hate hate hate at all wishing it took a few months for her to be successful. I feel so guilty about it.

All of that is on you. It should bear in no way on her decision with her husband on when to start trying to conceive. You chose to not work for two months because of her wedding events - that was your choice; it's not on her. It's completely irrelevant to this situation.

Wanting to conceive and give birth before she turns 30 is a perfectly rational choice. She AND HER HUSBAND have decided to start trying for a baby immediately after getting married. They have to make their family planning decisions based on what's best for their family, not what's best for her best friend's wedding.

You're not coming off as a good friend here.

Man its such a tricky set of emotions.
The two people that were supposed to be standing up there with me now, both probably cant make it - they are my brother and sister in law - she is due very close to wedding date. They communicated everything with me after they found out and even though we sent the save-the-date about 18 months before the wedding, I know they have been trying for kids and have found it difficult so I am 100% happy for them and fully support them not delaying trying to get pregnant.

There are a lot of happy emotions there.
But Im sad because they are such important people in my life and it would have meant so so much to have them there! I cant change the wedding date because I would lose 1000s in despoits and my husbands international family have already bought flights too - and also would then need to put our OWN family plans on hold.
In the end, it is what it is. Noone has done anything wrong, its two amazing events coinciding in time. But we dont have Hermione's watch.....
Noone should try to tell you you cant be sad though. It's totally OK to be upset about this. Your feelings are valid. We spend 100s of hours thinking about this event that takes up one day and so we cant help but be sad when a meaningful part of it changes.
My solution has been to vent to other people that are not my brother and sister-in-law, because I know they already have mixed emotions about the whole thing.

View Quoted Comment I am the friend that’s in this sticky predicament. My friend got engaged in 2021 and is getting married in 2023. My husband and I have been trying get pregnant for awhile (we got married in 2021) and we did but we miscarried. I, for one, was really hoping to have my baby far in advance so this wouldn’t even been an issue but it did work that way. We are both older, close to 40s and time isn’t on our side. Also there are fertility issues involved so we are working on getting fertility treatment. I really want to be there to stand beside my bestie for her wedding as she did for me, but my husband and I desperately want to try to conceive again soon. Part of me feels very selfish making my husband wait on account of my friends wedding and part of me feels very selfish if I don’t wait a few months so I can be there for her. This is all hypothetical but definitely adding more stress to me which is not helpful either way.