Best man- recycled?

The fact he doesn't know you well is not a big deal. His speech will primarly be about your guy and he will mention you or you + him once or twice. And he will say basic phrases like “ I know how happy he is since he met his now wife"...
“Hope it works out better than last time!”: ****% of best men/MOHs would never say something like this. If he does, he will be pictured as a bad person and NOBODY will laugh at this, he will beside-eyed ...and severely. 100% sure your groom would be mad at him.

When you state you don't have a say, I would reply you should have a (little) say but he has the final say.I would never pick a MOH or a bridesmaid/bridesman if my fiancée doesn't like the person or if the person is not 100% supportive of our relationship, for example. He picked his twin sister as 'best woman' and his baby sister as groomswoman (he doesn't have groomsmen since he only wanted is 2 sisters by his side) but made sure I was ok with the fact of having a best woman and a groomswoman.

Even though he should make the call about the best man, he should definitely make sure the person he wants doesn't make you uncomfortable because texhnically, this is not his side of the WP and yours, this is both your and his WP as a whole.

View Quoted Comment I’m sure he will make some jabs about this being the 2nd marriage and I’m ok with that. Just find it odd he’s being used again. When I said I don’t have a say it’s essentially because we are doing a destination wedding and his sister and BIL are the only ones going from his family. I wouldn’t ever say I wasn’t ok with it because I know he’s already disappointed that the vast majority of guests are my friends & family.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think it’s odd at all that the best man is “being used again”. The best man is supposed to be the person closest to the groom. I would consider it a good thing if that doesn’t change-it means he values the relationships in his life. If I had gotten married 10 years ago, my MOH would have still been the same person I chose now. I definitely wouldn’t have excluded my best friend from my wedding party just because she’d already held the title before. I think you are reading way too much into this. The BM’s primary role is to support the groom. As long as he isn’t actively against you or your relationship, then there isn’t an issue.

View Quoted Comment That could absolutely be the case. Valid point cause had I been married before my MOH would be the same. Thanks for the perspective

View Quoted Comment In fact, speeches are not required and they don't make a marriage valid. If you're stressing because of this, could you ask your fiancé to skip all speeches? That way he would still have him as a best man and you're having one less thing to stress about? At least, you should tell your fiancé how you feel about his potential speech. Sure, he can't control what his guy is going to say but he might be open to the idea of skipping speeches since he won't want you to be uncomfortable on your big day.

I'm confused. His brother-in-law was also his brother-in-law for a previous wedding? When you re-marry, don't your in-laws change? Is he still in contact with his ex-wife's family? If so, I find that weird. Or are you guys having a second wedding?

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It's likely his sister's husband.

As some others have said, it's not about the last marriage, but who is closest to the groom. My cousin is currently engaged and this will be his second wedding, but his best friend didn't change from the first wedding to the second so he will probably be the best man again.

View Quoted Comment It’s his sisters husband

View Quoted Comment Oh OK. Can't believe I didn't think of that. 😅

I wouldn’t think too much of it let him choose whatever best man he wants

Sounds like they’ve been best friends for a long time so it makes sense why he would be best man again. Saying he’s being recycled/used again makes it sound like he’s a prop or something, which obviously he’s not.
You choose people that you’re close to on your side and he chooses people he’s close to on his side. It doesn’t matter if your bridal party doesn’t know him well or if his groomsmen don’t know you well.
I had only met by husband’s best friend twice before and he was still his best man.

View Quoted Comment Well they aren’t best friends. It’s his brother in law (married to his sister) who he actually never talks to or sees. They were once really close but have grown apart a lot over the years. Which is why it’s even more weird. I mentioned in my original post I realize it’s not my choice who he has as his best man and I would never insert my feelings into his choices for his bridal party. I’ve acknowledged that my way of thinking could be absolutely crazy. And it might be. It’s just an odd situation. I truly feel he’s choosing him because he is the only person that’s going from his side of the family. Aside from 2 friends of his. But again, I would never ask him about it. Which is why I posted here so unbiased people could tell me if I’m being ridiculous. Clearly I am so 🤷🏻‍♀️

View Quoted Comment I have. And I haven’t voiced my apprehension to him. I just thought it was odd.

View Quoted Comment I guess I should have added in the original post that they actually aren’t close at all. Don’t ever see or speak to each other. There has always been animosity between them and myself. It’s just not a therapeutic relationship whatsoever. Which is fine. I would never tell him who he can or cannot choose as that’s not my place to choose his bridal party. I just wonder if he’s choosing him because he is one of the only family members potentially traveling to Jamaica for the wedding. I’m definitely not going to make him feel weird about his choice. That’s why I asked here. To find out if I’m just off my rocker….am apparently I am 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️

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I agree with all of this. My brother-in-law has been married twice and he had the same WHOLE wedding party both times (including his brother, my husband). The second marriage seems to be going better than the first, but that has literally nothing to do with who his groomsmen were.

Pick your battles (in wedding planning and in marriage); this is not worth worrying about.

I mean. It’s his wedding party. I don’t think you can tell him who to have next to him. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

View Quoted Comment I’ve never once considered telling him who can or cannot have. I’ve stated that numerous times. I was simply asking if that was a crazy concern of mine. Majority shows…..it in fact is.

Hello there y’all need to sit down and talk so he can get to know you if you not feeling that you need to tell your fiancé how you feel about the issue with the best man he pick maybe y’all can come up with a plan together..Good Luck