Best man’s girlfriend

So I don’t know why but the part from Mean Girls when she yells “you can’t sit with us” just popped into my head.

Realistically speaking, they are going to use your wedding weekend to spend time together.

I understand you not wanting her getting ready with you but other than that there’s really not much that can be done.

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Yeah I know, it is just frustrating, my FH is really upset because he barely gets to see his best friend (once every few years...) and the best man visits his girlfriend every couple months even though they are long distancing, so it feels like a bit of a slap in the face to him like, you really can't dedicate this weekend to JUST spending time with your best friend who is getting married? So it's kinda like we're either stuck with her basically ruining their "guys time," or I have to invite someone I barely know to be with me and my girls, or we have to say no repeatedly to the best man which I also feel guilty doing.

My FH was saying he wants to set expectations for his best man that of course she's welcome at the rehearsal dinner and the wedding but that she has to understand that she's going to be alone for portions of the weekend.

I know there isn't much to be done, it's just a frustrating situation.

I'd feel protective of my bridal time with my nearest and dearest too. It is annoying when you feel like people are using your special day to further their own wants (getting his gf to be one of the gang). I would definitely find a nice way to keep the getting ready part to just you, your mom, and your bridesmaids. I would suggest letting her come to the dinner and letting your bridal party help act as buffers so that the socializing and making best man's gf feel welcome and comfortable isn't all left up to you and your FH.

My bridal party all sat together at the wedding and we had a celebration the night before the wedding and both times we had a sort of 'newbie' in the group the night before and at the bridal party table at the wedding, but everyone ended up loving her! It was great.

People are aggravating, especially when you're planning your wedding, but ultimately he is the best man and you and FH did kindly say he could bring his gf, so there it is. (Weddings are such sticky things.) I think you're handling things well and your aggravation is understandable. Hopefully my comment makes sense and helps a little.

View Quoted Comment It does make sense and helps, thank you. I’m so torn being really upset and a little offended by this, and then feeling guilty for feeling like that lol. I feel like it’s been so many years and we just don’t know her at ALL, and our wedding weekend is really not the time for that to start...? I was so excited to have that weekend be surrounded by our nearest and dearest and now it will be... plus a near-stranger 🙄 *sigh*

You explained yourself perfectly!
Obviously she is invited! Obviously she needs to fend for herself in situations where her man is with the wedding party because she is not a part of.


I think the best man might just not know protocol… A simple response like “The bride and her wedding party are getting ready the morning of the wedding privately. But we can’t wait to see so and so at the ceremony!”

I think handling this with class will mean a lot to the best man and can only strengthen your friendship. I met my FH’s sister for the first time the day before her wedding. She could’ve made a fuss about a stranger showing up as part of the family on her wedding day, but she didn’t. I wasn’t in photos and I didn’t get ready with her, so there were some clear boundaries.

Also, being the date of someone in the bridal party sucks. It means getting to all the events early and having nothing to do and no one to talk to while the bridal party does it’s thing. She’s making a real sacrifice to come, even if it is for the best man and not for you. I bet she doesn’t expect or want to get ready with the bridal party. It would be uncomfortable for her too.

I also think that the more you consume yourself with how frustrating this is the more bothered you going to be bothered. Try to think “we’ll explain and that’ll be that” and focus on the joy.

I would just have your fiance talk to the groomsmen. It isn't normal for someone not in the bridal party to get ready with the bridal party, so that's a completely normal thing. But the rest seems weird to me. I haven't met one of my fiance's groomsmen, they were in the military together and they talk on the phone a lot but we live 1,000+ miles away so I've never met him, his wife, or his daughter. But all three are 100% invited to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. We are including significant others in the rehearsal if they want, because it doesn't affect me to have a few more people standing there. Especially the loved ones of our closest friends, even if we aren't close with them.

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It's tough. Hopefully she's nice and who knows, maybe she feel mixed about it too? She's probably thrilled for a chance to see her bf and go to a wedding (boy do people love going to weddings it seems!) but she doesn't really know anyone, so she might be feeling awkward or unsure of herself too. If it were me, confiding my feelings to a few choice loved ones would help me feel better and would enlist loved ones aid in helping things run smoothly and making everyone as happy as can be.

All you can do is your best and I hope everything goes beautifully for you and your FH.

View Quoted Comment The wanting to get ready with you thing is super weird and I’d definitely say no. But I’d bet you’re probably overthinking the rest. I’d send out a timeline to the entire wedding party (so he doesn’t feel singled out) and list the events where SO’s are welcomed and where they aren’t. It’s easy to get an idea in our heads about how things should go but in reality I bet you guys won’t really notice her that much. And as much as your FH will want the “guy time” with his friend, he’ll have too much going on to devote any real lengthy bonding time to his friend. Hopefully you’ll get to know her over the weekend and like her 😬

View Quoted Comment You’re totally right, thank you. The timeline thing is an awesome idea, for this and just to have in general. Did you do something like this? I’m trying to figure out how to go about it without seeming bossy or like I’m giving them an assigned schedule?

View Quoted Comment My date isn’t until July but I absolutely plan on sending one out. I’d keep it very informational and lighthearted like hey here’s all the information for the weekend so you can plan accordingly and give the timeline/events.

View Quoted Comment That’s a great idea. How and when are you thinking of sending it to them?

Ill probably just do an email a few weeks before the wedding.

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Yeah seriously I think I may just be getting fed up with the whole "everyone wants to come to your wedding" for reasons other than, genuinely caring for and wanting to be there for the couple...

I should have eloped lol

I don't know if you're overreacting or what I would call it. Of course she would want to come to the wedding. It's her boyfriend's best friend getting married. I'm sure she's heard lots about you and you FH and is excited too for the two of you.

Don't assume she'll just throw herself into all of the events, or that she'll need to be babysat. She's an adult. The polite and right thing to do would be to include her and make her feel welcome. That doesn't mean she needs to get ready with you, but don't exclude her from the other festivities.

If they’ve been long distance for any length for any length of time, she’s used to doing things on her own and won’t need you to baby sit her.

I'm not going to lie, reading your post does come off really "mean girlish" like Kenisha said. It also sounds like you are being super controlling/protective over your FH best friend which is weird. He's a grown man, not your child. The fact that you were secretly hoping she wouldn't come is weird in and of itself. The woman you are referring to is dating your FH's best friend so, there are some things you are just going to have to get over. They are going to want to spend time together and will use this weekend to do so like any normal couple would. Just because you don't know her, doesn't mean that you should be mean, stand-offish, or rude. If you respect him as a friend, that love and respect should extend to his girlfriend regardless of whether you know her or not. Just because she doesn't mean anything to you, doesn't mean that she doesn't mean anything to him and it sounds like he enjoys spending time with her. Plus, I'm sure that he wants you all meet and get to know one another because she is someone special to him. Also, I would also stop assuming that she wants to tag-along with you and your bridal party all day-every day. She didn't ask you to tag along or get ready with you, He (your FH's BF) asked on her behalf and she may not even be aware that he did that and I'm sure she didn't ask him to ask you!!! If your bridesmaids bf's are allowed to meet you all for dinner, she should be allowed to do the same. Like Victoria said, she's an adult and does not need or want you to babysit her. I feel like you are really overthinking this entire situation and the whole "you can't sit with us attitude" can potentially ruin your own friendship with him, cause a rift between FH and his best friend, your wedding, and so much more. It's really not that serious, in my opinion.

View Quoted Comment Oh I am sure that I am overreacting lol, I’m sure this won’t be as big a deal as I think it is, this is half ranting and half wondering if anyone else has felt the same way—however irrational it may be. Of course we will not be excluding her from anything (except of course, getting ready) but I’m really just ranting about feeling a little weird that she will be at these events... mostly because she will be the ONLY person there that neither FH or I know at all. Like I said even the other SOs of our bridal party are close friends of ours.

Again I have no intention of leaving her out of anything and I’ll do my best to make her feel welcome, and I’m sure it won’t be as bad as im worried about. I’m just a little frustrated that I’m going to have to worry about making a near-stranger feel welcome when I thought that these events would only be spent with our nearest and dearest.

View Quoted Comment I literally had 0 intention of excluding her from anything except getting ready. It did occur to me that she may not even want to get ready with us and that her boyfriend was just suggesting it, I was just trying to prepare for how to react if it turns out she actually DOES want to.

I 100% plan to make her feel welcome and included. But that doesn’t mean I’m not a little frustrated by the fact that I’m going to have to add “making a near-stranger feel welcome” to the things I have to stress about that weekend. I’m super introverted and I get socially exhausted easily. I know I’m going to have to use all my social energy at the wedding, but I figured the days leading up to it would just be people I’m close with and wouldn’t be as mentally draining. Even one person that I don’t know well, will totally change that dynamic.

I know it’ll be ok. I was just ranting.