Best man’s girlfriend

I think it's perfectly fine to (diplomatically) exclude her from getting ready. Just make sure that she's invited to the rehearsal dinner and any events where other bridal party SOs are invited, and introduce her to people so she feels welcome! Just try to put yourself in her shoes - if she gets married to the best man and your FH ends up being their best man, you wouldn't want to be excluded from any of the main events and you definitely wouldn't want to feel like the couple was secretly hoping you wouldn't attend the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Oh also I just want to emphasize I never said I hoped she wouldn’t come, I just said I was expecting that she wouldn’t. Was just saying I hadn’t previously even thought about the possibility of what it would be like if she came because I didn’t think it would happen. That was all I meant by that.

View Quoted Comment I get that and that’s what I was telling myself at first, but I feel like that’s different because I’m really close with my FH’s best friend because for the past 3 years I’ve made a really strong effort to get to know him. So it would be important to be to attend and be included in HIS wedding because he is actually important to me. Would I want to be included in the intimate pre-wedding events of one of FH’s friends who I’ve met once...? Honestly, no. Maybe that’s just me, but I’d feel super weird about it.

I'm curious why you thought she wouldn't come. Weddings are generally events that couples attend together and her long term boyfriend is best man in the wedding. I would be surprised if she didn't come, since most people would want to show support for their partner and their partner's close friend.

It's understandable to not want to include her during the time when the wedding party is getting ready. The rest of it is just part of hosting a social event, you're not always going to be close to everyone in attendance.

View Quoted Comment I didn’t think she would come because he told us that she probably wouldn’t lol. She lives far from him too (we are east coast, he is central, she is west coast) so it makes sense that she’d want to see him and spend time with him but I feel like a wedding where you barely know the couple and your boyfriend is going to be busy with his best friend a lot is just not the time to do that lol. If she was going to fly JUST to see him, wouldn’t it make sense for her to visit him another weekend?

It is fine that she’s coming and even as the day goes on today I’m more and more ok with it. It was just sort of startling because I was mentally preparing for the days leading up to our wedding to be low-social-energy gatherings with our best friends. And then it was kinda just sprung on me that a girl I barely know is going to be joining us now too.

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A wedding is probably one of the best kind of events to spend with your SO. The only time her boyfriend should be busy is during the rehearsal itself and on the wedding day while getting ready and during the ceremony and pictures. That amounts to a few hours out of the weekend. Outside of that, he will be able to spend the rest of his time with her. Maybe he really wanted his SO there because, let's face it, attending a wedding without your SO really sucks.

Maybe instead of viewing her as some kind of outside intruder, you should think of her as who she actually is: someone who is extremely important to one of you and your fiance's best friends. I think it says quite a bit about their commitment to each other that she would fly across the country to attend the wedding of people she barely knows in order to support him and to make an effort to get to know and be supportive of people he is close to. Believe me, she's going to be far more uncomfortable than you in this situation.

As someone who has been in a long distance relationship I can tell you yes they are going to be thrilled to be spending the weekend together. Put yourself in their shoes. Although they're going to obviously be happy to be spending the weekend together, I'm sure they're ecstatic to be at your wedding. Since you don't know his girlfriend he's probably so excited that he gets to introduce her and she's probably excited to meet you and your FH. The best man is probably trying to have you and his girlfriend bond, which I would tell him gently that this would not be the weekend for that. I wouldn't try to beat around the bush, I'd tell him that you want to get ready with your mom and your bridesmaids. I would also suggest that you tell him she is more than welcome to meet everyone for the rehearsal dinner after the rehearsal like the other partners are doing. I would try to remember that this woman is important to your close friend so instead of thinking of her presence at your wedding as an annoyance, try to remember that once you talk to him about her absence for the intimate parts like getting ready and the rehearsal, she really won't be crashing any intimate time. Totally understand why you don't want her to be involved in anything intimate because I wouldn't either! But on your wedding day you're going to be so full of love and so busy you probably won't even have time to think about her.

Okay there's a lot going on here. First, you said, "..because for the past 3 years I’ve made a really strong effort to get to know him." So why don't you start getting to know her NOW so that on your wedding day you won't feel so stressed.

Second, her BF is not going to be with your FH 24/7 so they will actually get to spend time together. More than you probably realize. During the ceremony, you guys will be all over the place. It's unrealistic to assume that the BM will be by FH's side the whole time. He will have plenty of time to spend with her.

Just as needmorewine said, she is going to feel way more out of place than you. It should be comforting to know that you'll be able to make her feel welcomed into your circle of friends.

If I were in your BM's situation and was told that my SO can "just wait at the hotel" during the dinner, I would probably skip the dinner honestly. You're asking me to respect your relationship, but you aren't respecting mine or respecting the person I choose to be with.

I feel like you are grossly misjudging this situation and reacting on hypothetical outcomes. Just make it a point to start getting to know her now, through text or social, so she won't be a stranger on your wedding day if that's going to be your biggest stressor.

View Quoted Comment I never said I didn’t want her at the dinner. I just said I didn’t want her when I was getting ready with my bridesmaids, and when we’re doing the rehearsal and giving out gifts to our bridal party. None of the other SOs would be coming to those things, but I was worried that since she’s from OOT she’s going to want to, because best man has already implied that she will.

And yeah I’d love to get to know her I actually friended her on Facebook 2 years ago and she ignored the request so 😅

View Quoted Comment Are you seriously using the fact that 2 years ago someone ignored a friend request from you as an excuse not to get to know them? You are out of line, as multiple people have told you. She doesn’t need to get ready with you. Other than that, act like a friend to the BM and try showing as much support for his relationship as he’s showing yours.

View Quoted Comment I’m not using it as an excuse not to get to know her other than saying it means I have no physical way to reach out to her and get to know her...

I’ve been doing nothing but acting like a friend beyond saying I didn’t want her part of the events that the other SOs wouldn’t be part of. Y’all are making me sound way worse than I am...

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Remind FH that this isn't a guys weekend, it's your wedding. He's not going to have time to spend a lot of time with his best friend or anyone else.