Short version: I think its truly insane that so many parents invite a boatload of old friends to their kids' wedding. I'm looking for advice on how others have talked their parents down.
So my fiance and I have been having a great time planning our wedding. I am an avid spreadsheet maker and planner, so I began shortly after getting engaged. We have already nailed down a gorgeous venue, our dream DJ, caterer etc, and are in the thick of it. THEN mere days before save the dates were being mailed out, I have a phone conversation with my parents and they start sheepishly asking about "whats the capacity? And how many people are invited? Can you fit more?" before they ask if they can invite some friends. Keep in mind, they really have not shown ANY interest in discussing the details of my wedding up until this point. "Well who do you want to invite that you think I'm not already inviting?" I ask.
They proceed to list off several couples, an entire additional table worth of people. Only one couple, their best friends, could I describe as even remotely close. I enjoy them, but haven't seen them in years. The other couples I probably last saw when I was like 6 years old (34 now). I literally couldn't pick these people out of a lineup. But my dad huffily says "did it ever occur to you that there are people we would want to invite?" No! It absolutely did not. But as I look online, this is apparently standard in many situations. However, my partner and I are of the firm position that we want to surround ourselves with people who we love, that are special to us, that have been part of our story. It is a wedding. Not a reunion. Also, I have been under the impression that my partner and I are footing the bill for the whole thing. (AS I've said, parents showed little interest until now when tons of deposits have already been made. And my partner's mom doesn't have the financial means to help). Of course, now my Mom is saying, "well we could pay for these additional people, you have the room right?" and then towards the end of the conversation: "it sounds like this could get expensive, do you want us to help with anything?" So instead of just offering something along the lines of, "hey we are so excited you're getting married and we would love to cover the rehearsal dinner or the bar" now it seems like any monetary contribution has major strings attached. And that just feels absolutely GROSS and makes me want to refuse it.
Does anyone recommend any good tactics for this type of situation? I was planning on a drama-free experience and feel completely blindsided by this. They are fixated on the fact that its a 100 person wedding but the venue has capacity for 120. But we don't WANT 20 more people there, nor do we have the budget for 20 more people. I've left it with them as "those folks will not get a save-the-date, and will be put on a B List. We are sending formal invites out well in advance and if we have enough No's, we can revisit the conversation." But really I'm only willing to even look at the one couple. My partner and I have already had to make difficult decisions moving people we actually spend time with to a B List due to capacity and budget. I'm not going to have randos who don't know anything about me at the wedding over actual friends. It's madness. Send help and Xanax.