Bestman dilemma

Sorry this is not his wedding but yours and to me plus 1's are reserved for serious relationships. In this case he just started dating this girl and it is not bad he wants her to go but not to sit at the main table. My only suggestion is that he does not sit at the main table so he can sit with her but realistically I am not sure what he was thinking. He should have asked since the original plus one was for his ex and since he does not want to be in a serious relationship he should not be inviting this woman to a wedding let alone a destination wedding as that to me is something you do for a serious commitment. Either say she cannot attend as she is not in the final plan or he can have her come but he sits with her but not her at the main table. That is just me.

Any person in a relationship, whether you deem it serious or not, should be included in the invitation. A couple is a social unit and should be treated as such. Plus one's are for truly single guests. Even if you go against etiquette and do not offer to host a person's significant other, the wedding party should always be given a plus one or have their SO invited, as they are supposed to be your nearest and dearest. It's rude to ask them to come celebrate your love and relationship (for a destination wedding, no less!) and in the same sentence tell them that you are not validating their relationship. You never know, he may fall for this girl and end up marrying her. I didn't want a serious relationship when I met my FH, but now we're 6 months out from our wedding. I say you include her in your guest list and give her a place at the head table with all of the other wedding party members and their SOs.

I think the compromise it to invite her but like you said sit her at a different table not the head table. But then you should give him the option to sit at the head table or sit with her wherever she ends up (because I personally hate being separated from FH at weddings).

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this!

The best man is being selfish. This is not his wedding, it's yours! I think the two of you need to look at your numbers, and remind him what you can and can't do. You are being flexible on allowing her to come, but that would be weird for someone random to be there at the main event when everyone else is already super close. Don't change your plans because of his temper tantrum. I understand that he is the best man, but this is your wedding. Both of you need to stand your ground.

Good luck!

I totally agree but I felt his situation was super odd. I am not even against a plus one ever but her sitting at the main table no. This is a slightly different situation ha ha ha. I hope he does not take this girl to a wedding and does not at least try to be serious but if it does not work out it does not work out. Just in case I say he can sit with her but not at the main table since all this happened a little bit last minute but I am kind of a jerk about moves like this. Not bringing plus ones but this dude not thinking to ask would it be cool to bring the new girlfriend and have her sit at the main table before buying tickets knowing that the offer was more for his ex. If they do not know her well not that she is not nice but would be odd for her at the main table but maybe not. I think I would be more understanding if they had the space and budget for her. Interesting situation.

I do think that the reason he's pushing back is to save face: he already invited her. She has a plane ticket. How can he tell her no now?

In his defense, he thought he had a plus one. If you guys didn't have a conversation with him after the breakup saying, "We thought you were bringing her but since you aren't, we're not giving you a plus one", then how would he have known he wasn't allowed to have one? I agree with Catlyn that it's a lot to expect him to fly to a destination wedding and sit alone while everyone else has their dates. Some people are fine going to D.W.s alone, but you should still give them the option to bring a date, just in case. I understand you don't want her in the photos or at the head table. I do think there's a good compromise here: Allow her to come and just don't sit her at the head table - that's your decision. If he wants to sit with her instead of the rest of the party, that should be his decision.

Have you gotten all of your responses yet? I've been getting back my RSVPs and there are a few people who can't make it out - that frees up a few spaces. You'd be surprised at how many people say they are DEFINITELY coming and then when it's time to RSVP, they back out. Things come up. So you may have the extra space for her.

Also, you never know, she could be The One. Even though the chance is slim, it could happen. And if that's the case, she will end up being a friend for a long time to come. You wouldn't want to start that relationship off on a bad foot.

Groom: "Oh, you remember Erica and her husband?" ...

Long-Term girlfriend: "Oh, you mean the ones who wouldn't let me come to their wedding even after you bought me a plane ticket?" LOL that would be crazy.

That sounds pretty reasonable! I think it's great you're still allowing her to come. Now if only he will compromise with you!! Good luck girl!

Regardless of how you feel about it, I would still give him a plus 1, whoever it may be at the time. Anyone in a relationship should get a plus 1, new or old but just make sure that he understands that although she is welcome at the wedding, she will not be included in the main table seating or formal photos or included in any wedding activities that are for the bridal party only. If he pushes back on that, I would inform him that it is not his wedding nor is the issue up for further discussion. If he wants to step down as best man, you understand and welcome him and his plus 1 as a guest.

Right I feel he should have at least asked but not assume and now for him to push back is not cool. I mean I do get that he is allowed a plus one and I am not even mad that she is a new girlfriend but considering that the old one was going to come I would have asked. I am not sure how I feel about her being included at the main table but considering it is a destination wedding I would have asked before purchasing a ticket. I would suggest having let him know in advance that his plus 1 has been given a way but truth be told I would not have thought to have said that lol.

This is kind of my thoughts. Not too bothered about the plus one rather that he expects her to sit at the main table with you all and you do not know her. She could be nice but I like your idea of eating the expenses but maybe they both sit separate from the main table. I would not want to be alone but if he pushes back about the main table I think your FH needs to put him in his place and let him know that even though he assumed that he still had the plus 1 open they purchased the tickets without asking if that would be ok she sit there or any of that. I can see the confusion about the plus one but I felt he is wrong to assume she will sit with the rest of you all and not have checked but that is just me.

I do agree that it was rude of him to just invite her without asking (since you guys invited girlfriend 1 by name, not the new girl). But good for you for being cool about it and inviting her still!

You guys should have reached out to the best man when he broke up with his previous girlfriend and let him know you were giving her spot to a family member. He wasn't entirely wrong to assume he had a date to the wedding still (although he probably could have asked you to double check when things went south with his ex, especially if she was specifically named on the invite). At least him proactively getting a flight for his new girl shows he's planning ahead. There was definitely a missed communication at some point though.

If he is unable to cancel her flight for a refund or full credit, I would find a way to include her because I feel the communication misstep is as much on you as it is him, and it sounds like you are willing to do that, which is awesome. I do think it's reasonable to not want a person you have never met before at your head table. Would you consider doing a sweetheart table and sitting your entire bridal party separately or intermixed with your other guests? Or is it really important that your best man is at the head table? Sitting her by herself isn't a great option if she won't know any other guests.

You gave him a plus one to begin with, and it sounds like you revoked it without even telling him. If he's flying to a destination wedding, and in the wedding, he should definitely get to bring a date. Additionally, relationships should be accommodated for. I'm not sure if you knew about her before the invitations had been sent out, but if so, it's incredibly rude not to invite her.

Girl... I hear you about the serial dater, H's best friend is one of them and he is 45 we never know who he is going to bring where. But... we did give him a plus one to our wedding because he ALWAYS has a girl … having said that it's really your decision not his. I get that he made the mistake and bought the plane ticket but that is not your issue. It would be nice of you to keep the original plan and give him the plus one, since he is a best friend.