Black Tie Optional?

A lot of people don't understand that for a black tie formal dress code you need to put on a very formal event but like Samantha said...its their wedding and if that's the dress code they want I would just do it.

It doesn't sound like a black tie event but everyone else probably won't talk to the bride or groom about the bar, food etc. so they wouldn't know that. The only information they'll have is the information given (evening gowns and tuxes preferred). When everyone gets there, they'll probably be a little confused but I think they'll be in line with the dress code. Looks like y'all will be finding formal wear

I wouldn't dress in black tie attire when they're clearly not hosting a black tie event, I don't care what the bride wants. If she wants people to be dressed up in tuxes and evening gowns then she needs to host the type of event that calls for that kind of attire. She doesn't get to demand people wear black tie attire just because she wants pictures to look like the wedding was fancier than what they actually hosted.

Most definitely does not sound like a Black Tie Affair... shewwww. Maybe they wanted the elegance of a BTA but couldn't afford it? Maybe there are a few guests she knows would show up in shorts and collared polo's if she didn't specify? I don't know and I guess it doesn't matter, I just try to give people the benefit of the doubt. The snarky comments we can do without ughhh. It does however sound like it's very important for her to have all guests at least look decent. I would wear a nice dress, I don't think it needs to be a gown or anything too extravagant- maybe a high low dress or something tea length. Perhaps a nice slim fit suit with some suspenders and a bow tie for your husband? Best wishes xx

A black suit with white shirt is more than acceptable - we've been to multiple black tie events where my FH wore this instead of a tux. I'd still wear a long dress because it sounds like she'd like to have a word with you if you were to wear cocktail... but it seems a ballgown is quite aggressive for the setting.

I'd probably just wear something formal but not go out of my way to buy/rent something. A lot of people don't get that "black tie" isn't just a dress code, it's a formality for the entire wedding.

I see you’ve decided to go for the formal dress, but just had to pipe in here. I say after the wedding, you post a FB comment stating “BTO should equal BT service... #themoreyouknow.” LOL not really, but she sounds like a piece of work. Deduct the price of your new outfit from their wedding gift

If you get pushback, point out she did say "optional."

If I already had a formal gown I'd probably jump at the chance to wear it. I would not, however, go out and buy/rent one for this wedding.