bm and Moh duties

I’ve had to check my expectations multiple times to not get disappointed myself. All in all, I am just thrilled that my family, BMs and MOH support our union and will be there with me on this big day. That’s the most important part.

I asked my closest friends to stand next to me on my wedding day because they’re dear to me and I can’t imagine such a big moment without them, not because I need them to throw me parties or be at my beck and call. I can plan a wedding myself. I’ve hired someone to answer questions and keep everything on time. I want my closest friends to enjoy my wedding day, not work it.

As someone who works in the wedding industry--most of the "expectations" for BMs and MOHs to do any big prep or actually treat their friend's wedding as a job/passion project really only come from the movies. If your gals want to/can afford to/have the time to throw pre-wedding events and get all master-wedding-planner for a bride, that's great, but that cannot and should not be the norm. Just because two people decide to get married doesn't give them the right to expect/feel entitled to these things from their nearest and dearest friends.

Also, as someone who used to have to write articles like that, a lot of that is trying to meet their deadlines and create content that people want to read. Since all of those tasks are based on what really involved MOHs do in movies, they add them to the list.

I think a lot of the duties are optional. Great if they are capable of doing some of them but not required. I know most of my friends are married with families of their own and don’t have time to be at someone’s beck and call for a year. I was maid of honor 4 times in a 6 month span one year and there’s no way I would’ve been able to do everything on my own. We hired a wedding planner and told our friends to just buy the outfit and show up!

Regular guests get to decide what they wear. Bridesmaids, maids of honor, groomsmen, and best men are guests of honor - not guests with extra jobs, but guests who are being honored specially for the role they have played in the bride(s) or groom(s) lives. You are honoring them and thanking them, not hiring them. They should be the people to whom you are closest and can't imagine getting married without having by your side.

I feel like expecting things makes it seem like you want your maid of honor for the wrong reasons. Do you want this person cause you love them and want them to stand by your side at the wedding, or do you want them to get you things and give you parties? If my matrons of honor said they could not be my matrons on honor cause they could not throw me a party or go my my dress with me I would tell them not to worry about it. I would want them buy side no matter what. Would you really be ok if your maid of ho or someone you care so much snout said they could not be a big part of your big day over a party they could not give you?

honestly our wedding party had duties on the day of, just cause we needed a ton of help setting up the ceremony (had to set up our own chairs, our own pa system, decor, etc). I never asked for help for anything else or assigned anything else though. But they asked me if I needed help doing things like stuffing envelopes for invitations or making centerpieces and whatever trivial matters (I just did it all myself anyway because i do believe only the bride truly knows what they want and it's best when she does it herself to achieve that aha). So I do see where you're coming from in that they could most certainly offer to help with those things but again, it's not necessarily duties assigned and expected to them if you get me.

We were honest with everyone we asked to be in our WP that we would need help. We're understanding about not overwhelming anyone. There are 2 we know won't help so being of service wasn't a deal breaker. The venue has to be decorated the night before and cleaned after the reception. There are other family and friends willing to pitch in too. It would be nice to have a shower but if it doesn't happen, oh well.

I don’t understand those comments either🤷🏽‍♀️...I actually posted a question like this before. No they are not supposed to become your wedding planner, but yes they are supposed to be there to support you while you are planning one of the biggest days of your life!

As a BM or MoH your job is to support the bride. It's to take away from stress and to lend an ear when need and give advice and encouragement. It's to celebrate with them and to help them make the day run smoothly. My good friends would do all of that for me with out being asked and I'd do the same for them. It's taking it a bit far to be saying their not ur wedding planner, we all know that, they are your support.



Poor people on this site are asking what to do bc a MoH isn't going to be around with her to get ready and ppls response is they only need to buy a dress and show up. It makes me feel really hurt for those looking for advice bc you all know your bridal party should be with you.

This is how weddings around here go. Bride says what dress what shoes what hair and makeup where they want their shower to be what they want for their Bach party and they give a time line of 3 days of events and all are manditory. And that's why I choose not to be in weddings. I don't have the time or money for all thay

I think a lot depends on the relationship beforehand, how extravagant of a wedding you're having, and a bit of culture. In my area bridesmaids are expected to throw bridal showers and bachelorettes and if you can't you should turn down the offer. It's not unheard of to do decorations, I gladly made wedding arches when I was a bridesmaid. But that being said my wedding is extremely low key so there really isn't anything for them to do but wear the dress and show up. 🤷
If you're a high maintenance person having a high end wedding your maids should expect to do more than someone with an intimate wedding who's more laid back. Context is everything.

I see it as an honor, not a job title. My MOH/bridesmaids are standing with me because I love them and want to honor them as my closest friends, not because I want them to help me with my planning. My fiancé and I are perfectly capable of planning our wedding ourselves. If people OFFER to help then it’s absolutely great to accept it, but expecting your dear friends to take on “duties” because you chose to plan a wedding is a little much.

I think they should be expected of a little more than buying a dress and showing up. Things like prewedding parties (shower and maybe bachelorette) and a listening ear. But that article is too much.

Historically, the bridal party was quite literally a group of handmaidens who were servants to the bride. In Eastern cultures, the bridal party would dress the same as the bride to confuse would-be kidnappers. In modern Western culture, the bridal party consists of close friends and relatives of the bride. Not servants like in ye olden days.

I understand the frustration some brides have when they ask for help from their bridal party and are told no. That’s not cool. But also, people aren’t going to quit their normal lives to serve you. I can’t think of anything that I absolutely need my BMs to do for me for my wedding other than be there and celebrate with me.

My though is if I chose the wedding party based on what they could do for me, then I couldn't honor those that really mattered in my life.

I understand the tradition and why some brides expect a wedding party to be there for dress shopping, being a sounding board, planning the bachelorette/bridal shower, helping with decorations, and going on vendor trips. I just don't think it's feasible if the person is chosen solely because they're the best friend or close family. Not all best friends/family are the best choice to help with all of that. Or even some of it! So I do believe that most of the time a choice needs to be made between "honoring" or "being served by."

My best friend was pregnant and living 4 hours away. I chose to honor her for being my best friend over expecting any real 'bridal party duties.' The only traditional bridesmaid duty I asked was, "If someone asks about the bridal shower or bachelorette party, I'm forwarding them to you. I don't really care if you host anything. I'm just not communicating any details about it, since I don't know!" Otherwise, I just wanted her to stay my best friend. So we'd take turns gushing about her baby and then gushing about the wedding.

In short, anything she chose to do was great, and I appreciate it so much more because it wasn't an expectation.

I'm in the camp of expecting slightly more than just showing up the day of. The girls in my bridal party are my best friends and while I'm not asking them to do any wedding planning at all, I asked them to be my BMs because I want their support throughout the process and not just day of so I would expect them to come to pre wedding stuff like dress shopping to support me or to offer a listening ear here and there.

Whenever I read posts with people venting or asking advice about BM or MOH that aren't doing such and such my first question would always be did they know you expected that. It's clear there's a wide range of opinions on what the bridal party is or isn't expected to do so I'm definitely planning on sitting down with my whole bridal party to make sure we're on the same page.

I chose my MOH and BMs because they show up all the time no matter what. My MOH is doing everything and more. I don't need her to work the wedding, just support me. She's already gone above and beyond. I don't know what I'd do without her.

I'm also in the camp of expecting slightly more than simply showing up. I think that this is a know your friends/circle kind of thing. These forums are definitely OPINIONS, and should be treated as such.

Honestly it's all about clear communication.

A friend of mine asked me to be her MOH and before I accepted I asked her what her expectations were so I could be sure I could meet them.

Some brides and cultures may have different expectations. She told me "I just want you to wear the dress I ask you to wear, stand next to me, and make a speech." Everything else was gravy to her.

I asked my sisters and best friends to stand up with me because I love them and wanted to honor them. NOT because I wanted them to do things for me. That is ridiculous. No one is required to spend money on parties for your (if they WANT to, then that is great). Expecting anything other than being happy for you and being present on your big day is entitled and selfish.