BM & MOH Duties/Roles

If you are willing and able to host those things - go for it! You're not obligated to, however.

I agree with you. The MOH is responsible for organizing and hosting both events but I don't think they should be finically responsible for all of it. Make sure they have help to pay for all of it.

When it came to dress shopping, my MOH was only able to come the first time due to different work schedules. I think now, with such crazy hours, it's really hard to make everyone part of everything.

It's nice if they offer to do those things, but I would not expect anyone to. We are all busy, have lives/families/full time jobs/etc.

@Maegan Im not alone! lol I was beginning to think I was lol. My Bridal Party is amazing, they hosted my Engagement Party (with bits of help we all put funds in), they planned my Bridal Shower which is this Sunday and Im stoked to see what they put together, and lol they had the Bachelorette planned with my FMIL wayy back when we became engaged. Im excited to be able to return the gesture and plan for my FSIL.

The different work schedules have been difficult but surprisingly its been working out.

***Thanks all for your inputs!!!

@Elizabeth- Where I come from when you are MOH/BM you are supposed to do all of what you said, plus even sometimes purchase small gifts for the bridal shower games, help the bride with anything she needs, pay for the brides nails the day of wedding, fix her train during the ceremony, answer questions that others may have about the wedding day events order, etc. People here on WW loose their shit when they hear BM/MOH 'jobs' or 'duties'. I guess it all depends on where you come from.

ETA: When I say help the bride with anything she needs= NOT financial stuff

It does NOT depend on where you come from, it depends on how entitled your friend circle is! No one is owed parties or shopping excursions or wedding planning assistance. Those are generally accepted as nice things to do for your friends on the occasion of their marriage, but it is not required in any way, shape, or form.

Required: wear the requested attire, show up on time, walk/stand where you are told.

Not required: anything else.

@Juanita Yes!!! I thought the same thing like, 'Only show up in the dress' wait what? It must be where you come from. & They sure do lol

This isn't a "where you are from" thing, it's a societal expectation and entitlement thing. It's become expected by many brides because of how much it appears in media/tv/movies AND because this actually does happen a lot (the bridal party often does throw a shower or bachelorette party). However, these are generous gestures/gifts and should not be EXPECTED. That's the difference.

You're not entitled to any of those things. If your friends plan them for you - then great!! But it is absolutely not required. they are not your glitter slaves whose job is to throw you parties and attend events for YOUR wedding. Being a MOH or BM is an honor, and they should be treated as such

Agree 100% with stpaulgal. I'm especially LMAO at the, bridesmaids pay for the brides nails the day of, post. I didn't have an engagement party as nobody I know has ever had one. If they want to throw me a shower or bachelorette I would be thrilled but I didn't ask them to be my bridesmaids for their party throwing abilities. I also don't expect planning help. That's my fiance's, and of course my, job.

Lol, Ok so call me PettyBetty on this Gloomy Wednesday (which I thought was Thursday btw yall ) I actually went to several sites looking this info up found a lot of interesting reads all which affirm my thoughts

Elizabeth- I am in agreement with you about the roles and responsibilities. I don't see how that's changed?

I guess nowadays it's just showing up in the dress the day of and being there by your side?

To me it's so much more than that. I love planning. I've had a great time with my wedding planning and I cannot wait for the day I'm a MOH. I was only in my brothers wedding. I'm young. I was 19 at the time but, I cannot wait to be a help to my friends.

We are the first of our friends to get married. 23. & he'll be 26.

I don't think this time should be "stressful" it should be a blast.

I guess nowadays you can't "expect" anything but, the word maid of honor has "honor" to me ... I'd love up to those words and hope to be the best.

I hate reading "are they paid did they sign a contract" I disagree with that strongly. That's the lamest thing I've ever heard.

There is some serious entitlement on this thread. You are getting married, not getting crowned the queen of England. If your friends offer to throw you a party then great but you are not entitled to any parties or anything extra except having them stand by your side on your wedding day.

I always appreciate Maids and Matrons of Honor who have their stuff together. MOHs who have tissues on hand for the water works know what they are doing. Those who can manage their bouquet, the Bride's bouquet and the Groom's ring are equally valuable. Rounding people up for photos, distributing corsages, pinning boutonnieres etc. doesn't just happen. I make it a point to thank those special people after the ceremony. This goes for the guys, too. Best wishes!

BTW, I didnt say I was Entitled to that, Im saying I grew up witnessing and attending several Ceremonies in which this was done, Happily, I might add.

Im also planning all of these events for my FSIL as she is a Bride to Be and am very Happy that shes given me this Honor, and to be able to do so. Im not thinking, my only requirement is to show up in a dress, my thoughts are more on the "How can I make her load easier" train thought.

Also, nothing was demanded of them, lol they planned on their own with ideas i had on my pinterest board. & Nothing is being demanded of Me as a MoH, again.

Can they do things like plan parties? Sure. That's not the issue.

The issue is when people demand they do things. They are not required to spend extra money and time on your wedding, and demanding they do is really entitled.

And @Hannah? They are maid of honor because you are honoring them and their role in your life. Not because they need to honor you.

And @Juanita, aren't you from Iowa? (I tend to remember other Iowa people).

I was raised there and am getting married there, and I've never heard that the MOH pays for the brides nails. That is ridiculous.

It is not based on "where you come from". It is based on how you should treat your friends. If you believe your friends are your employees and they should have "duties" to fulfill because you are getting married, then that is a sad commentary on your friendship. These are people you are honoring, not the other way around.

If they are lovely enough to volunteer to throw parties for you, then that is great. But you should never place those expectations on your friends.

You are not a princess and you are not entitled to parties just because TV and movies have made you believe you are.

Im thinking the whole paying for the Brides nails stems from the type of relationship you have with the MOH, if the MOH is that type of person to offer to take the Bride to get pampered before the the big day etc. It isnt uncommon over here, my FSIL booked us appts to get nails done for the Bridal Shower on Sunday. (& No, I didnt demand this of her, I didnt put the idea in her head or anything else a Negative Nelly can think of)

@Elizabeth, BMs & MOHs also do things this way where i am from (SC). Its not that the bride expects it, but the f&f are so excited and ready to spoil and shower the Bride. Im sure its the same for you. So glad you are lucky to have such BMs!