Body image as a bride

We're all our own worst critics. I'm the opposite of you... I'm only 4'11.5" and any little bit of weight makes me look lumpy. I have very wide hips, large thighs, but a smaller waist... it's hard to find the right fit of clothes. I'm also trying to lose weight for the wedding and can't seem to get rid of my C-section pooch.

In the end all that really matters is that our fiancés find us attractive and we have to learn to be happy with our bodies after we've done what we can. Maybe set up a second photo shoot and try different outfits.

I completely understand the struggle! I hate most pictures of myself. I truly believe some people (me!) are just not photogenic. I can look in the mirror and be content with what I see, then someone takes a picture and it’s like “who is that?! That’s not what I JUST looked like in the mirror 30 seconds ago!” Same with video. I feel like I look like myself in videos, but then as soon as you take a still shot… ick! For some reason I just don’t photograph well. If you are like me, you have learned what angles you look best in… share that with your photographer! Let her know any insecurities, bad angles, etc. Send her photos of yourself that you like and explain why you like them. You could also point out what you don’t enjoy about the engagement photos (just make sure you let her know the photos are beautiful, the quality is impeccable, and you love everything about them except the way you look). One of the main focuses of wedding photographers is making the bride look and feel beautiful (because let’s face it, most guys don’t care that much about how they look in pictures), and they will likely be grateful for any pointers you can give them that will make their job easier!
I will also share 2 things that have helped me accept even the “bad” photos….

1. Looking back at photos from 5, 10, 15 years ago, I will come across pictures I absolutely hated at the time they were taken (I looked “fat”, “ugly”, bad hair, unflattering expression, etc, etc.) and now think I was ridiculous for hating them, because they dont look bad at all! I was just being hyper critical.
2. When we got our engagement pictures back from our photographer, there were lots of them I hated the way I looked. FH stopped on what I felt was one of the absolute worst ones (of both of us!), and said “Awww I love this one”. I seriously thought he was kidding at first! When I realized he was being serious, I asked WHY?! The photo was a candid shot of us goofing around while the photographer switched lenses (didn’t even know she had taken the photo), and we were both sitting hunched over together (hello chub rolls!), laughing at something (definitely no posed, flattering smiles). His response… “You can tell how happy and in love we are. And you are doing that thing where your nose wrinkles up when you’re laughing at something ridiculous. I love that.” That comment really made me realize that I was always focusing on the wrong things with photographs. Photos are not simply there to try to capture us in our best light.. they are there to capture real moments. And while I was focusing on all my imperfections, my fiancé was simply seeing the woman he loved laughing with him. He didn’t even notice all those things I was horrified of. So while it’s a great idea to share with your photographer certain angles and poses you feel most confident in, don’t be critical of those “bad” photos either… they are beautiful moments captured in time, and you are likely the only one who thinks you look bad in them.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for taking the time to comment such a well detailed response. This was super helpful and helped ground myself a little bit. Definitely going to talk to my photographer about doing less movement pictures because I find those are the ones I look worse in. Honestly after looking at some of the pictures I know not all of them are going to turn out how I want them and I truly do have a couple that are amazing. Thanks again!!

I understand this so much. And it’s hard to talk about because everyone says “oh your body is fine!” But the issue is that I don’t FEEL it’s fine and it bothers me. And that makes me sad.
I wish I bad words of wisdom. For me, the “solution” is to not have a photographer/photos. That’s is NOT what I recommend, because it’s extreme and not really practical.
Maybe one thing you can do is be brutally honest with your wedding photographer. Show lots of things you don’t like. Tell them something you DO like. Make it clear you are very serious about this. And be kind to yourself. You are loved. You are worthy. And you are good enough.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely! And make sure you save even the photos you hate now. Just save them away in a folder somewhere. I can almost guarantee in the future you will look back at them with fresh eyes and love them.

When we received our sneak peak photos from our engagement shoot I felt the exact same way! I didn't like how my body looked in any of them. So I just didn't look at them for a while until we got all of them back. When I went back to look at them, I loved them! Sure I still have some insecurities about them but majority of them, I love! So I recommend taking a step back, don't fixate on them or stare at them, and in a week or so go back and you may have a different mindset. There are still some photos that I don't like the angle of them, but I'm sure you'll find a good portion you love and want to share with everyone! Hold your head up girl! You're beautiful!

Oh girl, I could not feel you more! I *haaate* photos of myself, if I'm not able to take them or at least see what they look like before the photo is snapped! In fact, the photo that my FH swears he knew he was looking at his future wife after he took it, is one that I absolutely HAAATE how I look in it! If a girlfriend had taken that photo, it would absolutely be an, "OMG DELETE IT!" one! But I guess he saw something I didn't in it -- and I think that's important to remember of your FH, and all of your loved ones. They're going to see the truly beautiful woman that you are! Because you ARE beautiful!! I wish I had some advice for you, but at the very least, I can let you know you are not at all alone! I have noticed that, at least for me, when others are taking photos of me, I seem to like how I look more in candid photos vs ones where I'm posed, having to hold a certain pose or face, or a forced smile, etc. Best of luck with everything though -- I'm sending you good vibes!

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This made me cry ...... thank you for sharing that story.

View Quoted Comment Awww.. I’m so happy it could help someone 💕

I completely agree that sometimes time and space can really help! I feel the same as some of the other posters that sometimes I'll look back at photos I didn't like of myself in my camera roll, compare them to the ones I favourited, and I'll wonder why I chose one over the other, since the non-favourited one is way better, or not half as bad as I thought at the time!

I honestly think you'd be so sad and heartbroken not to have any pictures when you look back in 50 years. You'd be wishing you had a few photos of how young and in love you were when the pictures were taken!

(ETA - I also forgot to say that I think many people feel this way about their appearance. We all have something we hone in on and are like ugh, my belly or my arms or whatever, but very few other people will notice it at all!)

Honestly when I went to my dress appointment in person I thought I looked amazing in almost every dress I tried on. It wasn’t until I seen the photos my mom and sis took that I was like ??!! I am even second guessing the dress I picked because I’m like NOOOOO!!! The whole selfie/filter game really changed everyone’s perception on what’s attractive and what’s not. I promise your FH does not think “ugh” when he looks at those photos, and that is what’s important.