Body Shamed by Mom & Close Friend…need advice

I tried this. I went alone and narrowed it down to 2, then FaceTimed with my mom t show her the dresses for her to say one was too revealing while the other made my butt look big. 🙄

Then I showed the same to dresses to said friend and she said she wasn’t overly impressed with either one. I found another one that my mom liked after-the-fact, that brought about the “twig” comment about my curves and ‘booty’ from said friend. But then she turned around afterwards and said I need to choose what I love and that I will never please everyone, which seems to be true.

In all of this I have one friend who is consistently supportive, which has been my saving grace. I just never thought I’d see this side from them.

I’m working on it

Stop shopping with them. I wanted to have the whole experience and take everyone with me and it was just okay. My mom, MIL, and sister all went and I ended up choosing a dress they all liked back in 2019. Fast forward to my first fitting and I really don't love my dress, I like it and its beautiful, but not what I envisioned for my big day. Do what makes you happy so you don't have any regrets.

My mom and best friend were not able to go dress shopping with me (live in different states), so I ended up kind of randomly asking the wife of one of our groomsmen because she and her husband were so excited for us when we got engaged and she was telling me all about how she loved the local bridal boutique. We aren't close, and she and I had only hung out once (just the two of us) prior, but she's a super nice person and has been so supportive of my husband and I from when we started dating, so I figured, why not? She had a flexible work schedule and lived in town whereas trying to coordinate any of my other girlfriends would have felt like a hassle. She was so excited to go dress shopping with me!

I honestly think asking her ended up being one of the best things, because she was just there to help me out and make sure I felt special and was having fun. She had absolutely no preconceived notions of what I should be like as a bride or what our wedding should be like, and she took photos of all the dresses for me (and the labels and price tags) and never said a single negative thing to me at all, but really reinforced me finding what I liked and was super supportive. I didn't end up buying a dress that day but the experience was so helpful and really fun and positive. When I did buy a dress (pre-owned off of StillWhite) she was one of the few people I sent photos to and who saw what the dress looked like before we got married.

I suspect your loved ones mean well, but they are projecting their own insecurities on to you, and saying things to you that are hurtful. If you can find a friend who you think would just be there for you (maybe just to take photos, but not give opinions unless specifically asked) maybe that would be best. You should not continue to endure these hurtful comments and have negative dress shopping experiences because of your entourage. I feel like dress shopping is best when its just you and one other person, because then their opinions feel less overwhelming because there is an equal balance between you and your support person.

Also the ONLY people who need to love your dress are you (primarily you) and the person you are marrying, and your friend saying you are a people pleaser might be trying to point this out to you, but the way in which she said it wasn't helpful. Definitely do not get wrapped up in trying to please everyone.

I didn't want my husband to see my dress at all prior to us getting married, but I did show him different dresses in pictures (typically either clips of bridal runway shows or photos where there are a bunch of models standing side by side wearing different dresses) and asked him what he liked. It helped me get a sense of what silhouettes, fabrics, and design elements he liked vs ones he thought were weird or not flattering or not bridal. I didn't show him dresses I was considering (just random fancy designer dresses that popped up on Instagram), but got the idea that he didn't love pouffy princess ballgown style dresses and thought a fit-and-flare silhouette would show off my curves and be flattering on me. In the end I was always going to choose a dress for me, but knowing what he liked was helpful in narrowing down choices when I was torn between different options. I absolutely didn't care what my mom or friends or anyone else thought (minus being really concerned about getting anything "too sexy" because I didn't want to offend his family at all).

I'm really sorry you have had such an awful dress shopping experience so far, and hope you can find a dress you love with the support you need.

I do think sometimes people are just not aware how their words land. Like saying "this dress makes you look fat" may be to them like "girl, you are gorgeous and have an awesome figure and this dress doesn't do you justice because it just doesn't sit on you in the most flattering way; let's find a different dress that better highlights how stunning you are" but to the person being told that it can sound like "you're fat and this dress shows it." Chances are they think the world of you and only want the best for you, but they end up being so self conscious of their own flaws that they project those insecurities on you when "trying to be helpful" and not even realizing it.

I had a friend over yesterday practicing my hair and had wanted a textured, soft, romantic updo but was having second thoughts about it. I'm pretty muscular, with well defined shoulders and arms, and I have stronger facial features, so I feel like having my hair up makes me look really broad and my facial features are very front and center, and because they aren't delicate I just don't feel as feminine. She was just flat like "I think your arms are gorgeous and don't think of them as a 'flaw' or anything to hide at all" and it was just such a reality check that we all have this different (and often distorted) picture of what is beautiful in our heads. I generally like my body I just felt like my shoulders were soooo unfeminine and wanted to tone them down and she was like they're beautiful and awesome and you should show them off!

And this is why I bought my dress off Amazon and tried it on in my living room. The thought of trying on dress and getting comments gives me hives.

Go shopping without them. When they realize you have gone without them, explain why but be prepared for "Geez you are SO sensitive!"