Bold question: wedding planning with mental illness

I'm a double organ transplant recipient. I'd ask him if he'd feel more comfortable waiting to get married until his health is better controlled. If you're both concerned about being legally married during whatever it is that's ailing him, then why not have a small ceremony (think courthouse and dinner) for your families and a bigger wedding after? IMO health comes first. Not having an expensive party that I have to worry about on top of my health.

^Agreed with Alexis.

Is he seeing a Therapist? Depression can be hard with no outside help.

My clinical diagnostics is: Bipolar II, Clinically depressed and suffer from PTSD.

My last suicide attempt/self harm experience was just shy of 3 years ago. Right before FH and I officially started dating. I've been had these labels since I was 14.

Yes, sometimes things still get hard, (Since October: FH lost his job, mom found out she may have cancer, a 22yr old friend died, my friend got rid of his dog* It was one of my releases, was going over and taking his dog for long walks..made me clear my mind* and my photographer flaked on me and now I need to come up with an extra grand for a new one). Things have been rough. Holiday season is holding lots of pressure for obligations, even though friends/family say they don't need anything, I feel obligated.

I usually am fine, wedding planning used to be my go to. But I'm taking a break this month. Theres too much happening in life right now and I can't focus. So I'll resume wedding planning after the new year when I can try to clear my mind.

There isn't really any advice. When someone's in their own world and depressed you just need to be there for him. Don't overwhelm him. Take it slow and stay with him. I've often told FH this is part of the test. A marriage is through thick and thin, and right now we're on thin ice dealing with finances of me being a preschool teacher having the only income and all the other stuff that's happening. There will come times when we are having tough times, but there will also be times when we will be having no stress and all happiness. If you can stick through both parts, you know it will be worth it.

If you ever need to talk, let me know. I'm pretty open ears and open heart.

Stay strong, keep your head up. Be there for him. <3

Oh, no we both really want the wedding, and the way it's looking he's not going to be better any time soon so there's no reason to postpone or change anything. We've been engaged for almost a year and the wedding is in 4 months.

I was just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience to share. I know there's been a few brides on here who have mentioned they struggle with anxiety and stuff, so I thought it would be an interesting subject.

Yes, I've been there. DH has a history of depression. He took a semester off from college the year before we got engaged and he had a really hard time in grad school as well. He had a boss for his internship that hated him for unrelated reasons and had to take another year to finish school, which complicated our finances a lot. (He was supposed to graduate 3 months before our wedding instead of 9 months after.) Because of the thing with the internship, he had to take a few months off and the school had a hearing and he thought he was going to be kicked out. During that time he was having suicidal thoughts to the point that I came home from work one day and he had asked one of his friends to take our kitchen knives for a while. It was really scary. I was pushing him to see someone and he was on medication. I had the suicide helpline on our fridge, his cell and my cell. He kept telling me that I'd be better off without him (not true!) and I'd have to reassure him every single day, sometimes multiple times. The biggest thing directly related to wedding planning was that he got his evaluation from the boss who hated him via email while we were on the phone with our officiant and he punched the wall, got up and walked out of the room. It sucked, for him and for me. I felt really unloved because he wouldn't respond to me (or get out of bed very much for a while), and it was overwhelming because I was working 2 jobs, planning our wedding from out of state and dealing with a lot of the housework and all the normal life stuff. His mental clock completely flipped, I would get home from work and he'd be waking up, go out with his friends and sometimes not come home until 4 am or later. I called him a couple times because I woke up for work and he hadn't come home yet. When it was really bad, he didn't even want to do that.

DH is doing a lot better now. He finished school, has his social work license in 2 states, and has a job that he loves most of the time. It's so much better now but it SUCKED for a long time. If you want to talk, I'd be happy to.

I deal with anxiety, which I felt like I had under control, but the last several months have been really hard. FH deals with depression, which has also been worse over the past few months. I urge him to see his therapist, but it's hard. He doesn't like to feel vulnerable, so he doesn't like to talk to her. He has a lot of anger pent up from his childhood as well; last time he saw his therapist, she suggested he attend anger management meetings. It's a daily struggle, but we both work at it because we want to be together.

FH was seeing someone over the summer but stopped going cause he said it wasn't really helping. I plan on going in just to get some ideas of how to stay healthy myself and learn some techniques for talking to him. We've been together for almost nine years and he's always been very rational and stoic, so it's completely out of character and scary to see him like this. We had a good talk last night about it and he's freaked out too. I think the biggest thing is that he's angry all the time. He's never been an angry person and now he overreacts to the smallest things. Doesn't help that none of the treatments he's tried so far for his medical issues have helped.

General Anxiety Disorder, Adult ADD and PTSD here. It helps that FH has his master's degree in psychology; we talk rationally about what's happening and how to deal with it if I'm having rough day. It's one of the reasons we are such a good match- he stays level headed on the days when I'm running around feeling like a spooked horse. I was resistant to therapy for years, but it really, really, REALLY helps. I go through long stretches where I don't go, but since beginning wedding planning I go every week without fail. It keeps FH from having to bear the burden of talking me through everything all of the time, and helps keep things in perspective. Also, how to get out of my head and be the best partner I can be. I would gently but persisntently suggest therapy. Sometimes it takes a while to find a good fit in a therapist, but it's worth it. Brave question. You're awesome.

@LightBlueGem thanks. I'm actually in social work, so it's been pretty helpful when FH does want to talk things through cause I can differentiate between what's symptoms of the depression and what's actually him. Unfortunately he's mostly keeping things bottled up, and it's just too much of a burden for me to bear alone. That's great you have the insight to get some help outside of your FH too.

Silan, I'm in social work too, where are you located? I struggle with mild depression and anxiety. My fiance also has some depression and anxiety and work is really stressful for him right now. He is really anxious about work stuff and it's spilling out into a lot of other areas.

I'm in BC Canada.