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Botched Bachelorette

Ann, on May 23, 2021 at 9:42 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 31

I'm the maid of honor for my best friends wedding. There's only two other bridesmaids, one who's a sister of the groom and one who's another friend of the bride (neither of which I know super well). I planned a bridal shower for the bride and it went great. Next, obviously, is the bachelorette....
I'm the maid of honor for my best friends wedding. There's only two other bridesmaids, one who's a sister of the groom and one who's another friend of the bride (neither of which I know super well). I planned a bridal shower for the bride and it went great. Next, obviously, is the bachelorette. (Also just to note I fully paid for the bridal shower by myself)



I got ideas on what to do from the bride for her bachelorette party and essentially it is a weekend getaway that involves an airbnb. There are about 6 people coming total who have known about the plans months in advance.
Last night I sent out a message to all the guests that it would really help for everyone to contribute to the cost of the house rental, food, activities and drinks. I'm shouldering the majority of the costs but I asked if the other girls could contribute 100 to 125 dollars and mentioned that I would be super flexible. Yet again this is an entire weekend with food, drinks, planned activities and rides. I thought I was being pretty reasonable, but the bride called me and was upset because her friend called her and told her now she was considering not going.
The friend said that I was being completely unreasonable and it was outrageously expressive. I don't know what she expected, honestly. The friend also mentioned that she had assumed that the whole event would be fully paid for and she was overwhelmed because she didn't expect to have to spend anything.
Am I being unreasonable? Is it normal for the guests to contribute to the bachelorette?
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31 Comments

  • A
    Ann ·
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    I would be lying if I said I didn't feel annoyed that she expected that I would pay for the whole thing by myself and she would just show up. It seems pretty entitled.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    This is the totally bonkers part - she was all in but thought that other people were paying for her? My charitable interpretation of it is that she doesn't know what a bachelorette party is and thought she was being hosted for a weekend?

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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    Girl bye. Have the party, tell her this is what it costs and if she says she can't go then she can't go. If I was the bride in this situation I wouldn't have even gone back to you, I would have kindly explained (because somehow she doesn't know??) that the MOH doesn't shoulder all the costs for EIGHT PEOPLE. That's insane!!


    As for "$100-$125 is a lot for some people"...then don't go. If one person has a budget of $20 then they don't get to dictate what the rest of the group does. But it doesn't sound like that's what's going on here, it sounds like she's just a freeloader.
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  • A
    Ann ·
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    Yeah, I feel like it's pretty unfair to the bride and the other guests to cancel because one guest does not want to pay. I know some have been commenting that I couldn't possibly know her financial situation (which I don't), but I get the vibe that she honestly just doesn't want to spend any money at all.
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  • Grace
    Super February 2022
    Grace ·
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    Not terrible at all. You cannot be endlessly sympathetic (you will burn out trying to make everyone happy). This is exactly what I would do in your situation. The complaining girl can suck it up and pay or choose to miss out. You have offered her options and opened up a dialog to negotiate and she is choosing to stonewall. I'm sure the bride wants her to be there but there in not a lot you can do if she won't talk to you.
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  • J
    Judith ·
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    If people are included from the very first of planning, and are asked what their limits are in time and money, and planners stay within them, then they should expect to pay. If someone else has planned , giving bulletins of how it is coming, without having talked in advance, with agreement, about who would pay what costs, the people can fairly assume that that person is hosting the event, and will pày, and not present a bill. The basic Bach party is a group getting together for an evening at a place like a bar or restaurant where each person pays their own, and a share toward the bride's. But when you make it a mini vacation, with many more costs, and fail to check out costs with every one, and engage them in planning with the agreement they pay. 😊 Then the party is on you. It is basically like a contract . You had everything in mind, but did not discuss costs at the beginning. No agreement, no contract.
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  • A
    Ann ·
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    Guests are not required to come. I think it would be pretty wild to just assume I would be paying for everyone.
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  • J
    Judith ·
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    Showers are most often paid for by a group, but you already picked up all the expenses for that. ẞo it is not bizarre to think you might be doing it again, when you do not ask about money, early on.
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  • P
    Devoted April 2023
    Peyton ·
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    This one, lone girl has been living under a rock or is being manipulative. Who calls up the bride to complain about a $100 weekend? Go forward with your plans. This girl can come and pay her way or she can stay home. Good grief!

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  • Blue Jazmine
    Just Said Yes July 2023
    Blue Jazmine ·
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    I'd say no, but also bc I'm part of a desty bach party and anyone whose a reasonable adult will also pitch in or at least expect to. We are not only paying for the bride but we are all chipping in for room and like 50$ per person for like decor and misc. While I think all in all the whole idea is a little exorbitant we are all flying from different states. I'm more than happy to do it for someone I care about aka Bride, and also Im seeing as a much needed vacay w the girls and for context I only know like the MOH, I think at the end of the day it just shows like character / making snarky remarks about it vs opting out, personally if i found a issue I would simply not go, being confrontational really sours the mood

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  • M
    Dedicated September 2021
    Melissa ·
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    Wow you are a very generous MOH! I totally agree that not everyone can afford to drop $100+ for something like a bachelorette party and that's totally understandable, but I do feel like if $ was an issue for her then she should have asked about that early on as it's very common for all attendees to pitch in, especially when it's a whole weekend affair. So not reasonable to expect you to pay for it all. Whether you pay for her or she doesn't go is entirely up to you and what you feel comfortable with. I would hope that the bride would have your side on this, especially since you also threw her a shower.

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