Both parents walking you down the aisle

In Jewish tradition, it is actually customary for both parents to walk you down the aisle, as it symbolizes you leaving your family with them to your new family with your spouse (and both the bride and groom walk down with their parents). Was there something that happened in the marriage, such as your dad being abusive or controlling, that leads your mom to be uncomfortable? Otherwise, I’d politely tell her that you would love to have both of them walk you down, but if she does not want you, then you understand and will just walk down with your dad. It is her choice to make, whether she wants to walk you down or not. And leave it at that.

I know it's traditional for the father to walk the daughter up the aisle, but I've also seen it done with both parents before, that's also what my mom did when she got married to my dad in the 80s.

Maybe pose it to her just as you did in this post; after your dad's health crisis, you realized how important it is to have him there in that moment for you and even though they're not on the best terms, it would be a lot to you to have both of the people who raised, loved, and supported you there to do the same on your wedding day. Hopefully she'll come around after a little time to digest it and I understand you wanting to look out for her and her feelings, but traditionally it would be JUST your dad walking you up the aisle so I think inviting her too is a really positive message about how much you care about both of them and want them to be involved.

Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Originally it was just going to be her walking me down the aisle because I wasn’t inviting him at all. After the heart attack, I want him there and I’d feel awkward if only she walked me or if only he walked me. If she doesn’t want to do it then I can walk without either of them but I’d prefer to have both of them walking me.

So obviously something happened severe enough that you didn’t even intend to invite him to your wedding, but now you’re willing to snub your mom by making her either walk with someone she has a bad relationship with or miss walking you down the aisle entirely. It’s your choice what to do, but it seems a little mean-spirited to your mom.


I think it’s wonderful that’s you’re trying to have a reconciliation with your dad, but it doesn’t sound like he did anything to mend the relationship or atone for mistakes. I would just think very carefully about what happened in the relationship that led to you not intending to invite him and caused your mom’s obviously strong feelings, and decide if that’s really enough to change your mind. There’s nothing that says you can’t still love your dad, want him in your life in the future, and want him at your wedding, but still recognize the hurt he caused to you and your mom. You can invite him but still have your mom walk you down the aisle as originally planned.