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Devoted October 2021

Bothered by Guests Leaving Early

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Tori, on October 27, 2021 at 11:20 PM

We got married almost 2 weeks ago. It was truly an amazing day! But seriously it flew by and of course now I'm just reliving the day in my head. One thing that bothered me was that so many of our guests left early.

We had around 75 guests. Our ceremony was 4:30-5:00 PM and cocktail hour right after. We did family photos and joined our cocktail hour, after I got bustled, around 5:30. 6:00 PM FH and I get introduced, first dance, and my mom's speech. Then dinner. We probably cut our cake around 7:15 PM and then did parent dances and people started leaving around 7:30-7:45. We had the venue until 10:30.

I'm kind of sad about it. The only factor that I think as to why is because our venue was considered out of town and was anywhere from 45 minutes to 4 hours away for people. We had a hotel and shuttle but even people staying at the hotel left early. We ended up with just 6 of us on the shuttle with around 40 people staying at the hotel. We had an open bar with beer and wine and seltzers and we had a DJ that played a variety of music. I guess it felt like people were just there to eat and dip out. Some didn't even say bye to me.
Did any of you all have a lot of guests leave Early? If so, did it bother you? Or am I just dwelling too much on something that shouldn't matter?

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41 Comments

Dedicated February 2023
Vicki · on October 29, 2021 at 7:41 AM
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It is NOT a non issue. I would also be very upset. Weddings are hugely expensive and it think it is very rude to leave early. I always stay, whether or not I’m having a good time , because I know how it would feel if done to me. Just started planning for my second wedding and I was noticing here in Florida a lot of places have the ceremony, one hour cocktail plus 3 hours reception. I’m like why not 4? I’m originally from NJ and 1 plus 4 is the standard so I assumed I would just add the extra hour but now I’m second guessing…
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Savvy November 2021
Lisa · on October 29, 2021 at 9:06 AM
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I get that and I'm concerned about it too. My daughter get married last month, and after the cake was cut people left in droves!
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Devoted October 2021
Tori · on October 29, 2021 at 9:15 AM
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Thank you! Even though people left, I still had fun with just the few that danced with me. I've never left a wedding early or if it is early it's when the bar shuts down haha, so I guess I was just more surprised than anything.

I think it depends really on your crowd. Looking back at ours, and my husband warned me lol, but his side of the family doesn't really dance. They chit chat. And that's what they did. I guess we just didn't have a partying crowd, even though I love to dance and party.
If your crowd loves to dance and party, I would say add on the hour but if you're not sure or they aren't then that should be plenty of time.
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Devoted October 2021
Tori · on October 29, 2021 at 9:16 AM
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Was the wedding close to a lot of people? I think that's what happened with mine. It was a long drive for a lot of people and if they weren't at the hotel, they left around 2 hours into the reception.
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Devoted February 2023
Elycia · on October 29, 2021 at 10:14 AM
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I think it really depends on how early. Like did they leave at cocktail hour and you wasted a bunch on catering? Or did people leave at like 830 or 9 when the venue was open until 10:30? Its exceedingly common for certain age groups to dip out early especially if they're driving or not staying at the hotel. Ive only attended weddings i've actually been in, but every single time about half the guests dip out shortly after dinner or whatever the last planned event was (garter toss, shoe game, first dance, etc.)
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Master May 2020
Kari · on October 29, 2021 at 2:42 PM
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We had guests leave early. Ceremony was at 4pm and the party was until 10pm. Venue was 20 minutes from town. We expected our parents and older family members to leave around the time it got dark, but I didn't think so many 30 somethings would be out the door before 9pm.

We planned an 80 person wedding but ended up with just 47 guests after moving our celebration a year due to Covid. Only 14 of those guests stayed until the last dance. It was pretty disheartening to spend so much time and money on this beautiful celebratory event only to have so many people decide not to attend and then have those who did attend leave early. At least it showed who our real friends are.

Sorry you had a similar experience, but you are definitely not alone!
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on October 29, 2021 at 9:08 PM
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Sadly, I feel like this is normal these days. People are just busy and long commutes are exhausting. In the 90’s, a lot of guests seemed to stay at least for some dancing. Even at our DW, guests were drinking before our wedding and started leaving by 9 pm (reception was until 10 but we didn’t have dancing). Sadly, if we went to a wedding these days we would probably also leave around 9 pm!
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VIP July 2017
Becky · on October 29, 2021 at 9:16 PM
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We got married pre-COVID and definitely had people who left early - particularly those who were older and have small children. Pert of that was likely the storm that blew up at the end and part was probably because there were several country lanes people had to drive down to get back to the interstate - and nearly everyone would have been unfamiliar with the area, since 99.5% of our guests were from out of town.
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Master June 2017
Mrs. Coakley · on October 30, 2021 at 9:05 AM
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Leaving after the cake is cut is not leaving early. That is a perfectly acceptable time to leave. Yeah it sucks if you don’t have a lot of people stay to dance but it is what it is. No one owes anyone else their time. It sounds like it was a fun event and as pp said, focus on the good things!
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Jm Sunshine · on October 30, 2021 at 12:56 PM
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I agree! Weddings are typically 6 hour events (from cerrmony-reception) on a strict timeline, on top of up to an hour+ travel both ways, which ends up making for a very long day. It sounds like most of your guests were there for at least 4 hours, which is the expected norm for any social event. They didnt just "eat and dip". Expecting people stay for the duration is unreasonable, especially if guests don't like to dance (the music tends to be so loud it's hard to even hold conversations). Maybe people had to get home to their kids who had spent a very long day with a babysitter, or worked a 40 hour week and are exhausted...The fact that people took the time to set the day aside to celebrate you for any duration should be what matters.
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Dedicated July 2022
Janna · on November 6, 2021 at 7:48 PM
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That I’d awful! I’m so sorry this happened to you on what should be one of the happiest days of your life! Weddings should be a time to get to see everybody to catch up…. AND have an amazing time with both families joining!

I’m so sorry that was your experience! ❤️
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Devoted October 2024
Genna · on November 6, 2021 at 9:21 PM
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I’m not sure what to say because maybe they had a valid reason for leaving . Maybe they had another engagement on the same day and wanted to make sure they show both parties love . However, i whole heartedly understand your disappointment because I’m sure you put your blood, sweat and tears into planning a perfect day. Don’t dwell on it though, it was a special day regardless. Those guests leaving early doesn’t define anything about that special day.
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Beginner October 2021
Lynn · on November 7, 2021 at 4:41 AM
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I felt like it was the opposite we had a wedding at my sisters farm and we did a bonfire for s’mores and it felt like no one would leave and I felt bad just dipping out and leaving people at my sisters farm. I was so tired. But it was all worth the loss of sleep now.
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Devoted October 2022
Jennifer · on November 7, 2021 at 9:43 AM
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Your crowd makes a huge difference. At my older brother’s wedding where 400+ went, most of those on my SIL’s (minus some super close family friends and her family) left right after dinner. Most of those that were there are my SIL’s family and a lot of them are very strictly Baptist and don’t drink and dance. As soon as the dance floor opened up, they left. There was just my brother’s side of the family (we like to party LOL!). There was maybe less than 50 people by that time.
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Dedicated September 2022
Cathy · on November 9, 2021 at 9:41 PM
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I do think more people are leaving right after the cutting of the cake. Maybe due to Covid, many people don’t like to be out beyond a certain time. Was the music too loud? At any rate, focus on how happy you are to be married & make a mental note to stay longer at other people’s weddings in the future! I always try to stay as long as possible & dance as much as possible.
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Savvy May 2023
Alecia · on November 12, 2021 at 5:26 AM
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I attended 2 weddings back to back in the last week of October and they both had guest leave around 7:45-8p after all the speeches and cake cutting. It was only a few that stayed and was on the dance floor. Idk it was like that. I’m hoping that’s not how my wedding is, but it is unfortunate. Sorry this happened to you.
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Savvy May 2023
Alecia · on November 12, 2021 at 5:29 AM
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Yes!! This is how my family is except they’re apostolic (worse to me) lol . So I’m already knowing half of my mom side will be leaving lol
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Dedicated September 2022
Cathy · on November 14, 2021 at 10:10 AM
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I am sorry that people left early…I just think a lot of people aren’t used to socializing for long periods of time after being at home due to Covid. I hope as you get your pictures back you will see how loved you are & that your future with your husband is very bright! Sending you lots of happy, bright thoughts as you & your husband embark on your new life together!
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on November 15, 2021 at 1:45 PM
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If it was after you cut the cake, then they technically did not leave early. Ceremonial cake cutting is the traditional sign of when you're generally allowed to leave an event.
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Just Said Yes March 2023
Ashley · on November 21, 2021 at 10:25 AM
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I’m an event planner and this happens at most weddings. If you have a younger crowd they will stay and dance but the older folks will dip out. I think people are used to being home from Covid that when they do go out they are wanting to get back home or still worry about being in large crowds.
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