Boyfriend didn’t propose and I’m disappointed

So I was in the situation with you. My FH has always told me he has a plan in when to propose. My FH and I have been together for three years. I thought he was gonna propose last February 2019 when we went on our trip and he didn’t and I was DEVASTATED. I got over it because I love him and we already live together and act like we’re married anyways. We are on the same page of how we want to be married and how we want to have kids after we got married. He almost 30 too.


Fast forward to beginning of November, and we are one week out on going on our family cruise with my mom, sister, BIL, aunt and grandpa, and he tells me the engagement ring he was going to give me, he is giving to his mom since she wants it. I, of course, was livid, you know? Thought he was gonna propose on this cruise. Then he tells me that he’s not ready to be married yet. And that set me off. But I got over. I realized I didn’t need the big proposal. I love him and I just want to take his last name and start a family.
Second day on the cruise, we are in Grand Cayman and we all walk down the beach to an empty spot, he reads me a poem he wrote and he proposed with his grandmas engagement ring. It was perfect.
The point being is to be patient. It sounds like the relationship is great but he will propose when he thinks is the right time! He may even propose on this next trip. You guys are on the same page so don’t be discouraged. When it happens, you won’t change it for the world.
Hope this helps you!

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Lol so I am not the only one that had to put my foot down. I would have wanted to be engaged and married within 3 years of our relationship and I think a recent rough time made me strong enough to say either we are doing this and maybe for him to realize what a good woman I was to him. Def do not stick to timelines because if so then you can be disappointed.

My fiancé proposed on the trip he got me for Christmas last year. It was a couple days after Christmas and I loved it. I did put pressure on him but now I regret putting that much pressure on him when he clearly had a plan. Your boyfriend says he has a plan and maybe he’s trying to make it more special. To be honest, who really wants to share their engagement memories with Christmas Day? My fiancé finds the whole holiday proposals cliche and maybe your boyfriend does too. Men have their own ideas of what romance should look like

Try to forgot your timeline honestly. It sounds like your bf is in the process of getting his stuff together (ie ring, timing etc.) And I'm sure when it comes time it will be special and magical.
And I get wanting to have kids before 30 but sometimes it just doesnt happen when you hope. I have friends who have been trying for over 10 years and it hasn't happened.

View Quoted Comment I know I have an unpopular opinion but I’m so sick of men taking advantage of women bc they don’t want pressure. If you’re taking up years of my life you should feel some pressure. At least let me go if you don’t want me so I can find someone who does want me. And over the last year we’ve been happier than ever. I’ve never seen him so happy as our wedding day/weekend and when I brought home the name change papers.

Sorry sweetie!

My FH and I met in our early 30s and dated for four years before he proposed. When we are married this spring I'll be 34 and he'll be 37. Around two years into our relationship I was dead certain he was the guy I wanted to marry, but even though he had zero doubts about our relationship or his commitment to me, he just wasn't ready. We both wanted marriage before kids and I really didn't want to have a "geriatric" pregnancy (that's when your 35, btw, so if we try for kids I'm going to be "geriatric" at this point), but he just wasn't "there" yet. I trusted him to know when the time was right, and I knew I couldn't force it. Then a week or two shy of the of the four year anniversary of our first date, he proposed and it was so worth the wait.

My FH is "all in" and it's the best thing. He helps plan the wedding, he's excited about it, he's ready for it. He's ready to marry me, ready to be the husband I need, ready to call me his wife. It's super reassuring. I've never felt like I'm in this alone, and I've never felt any hesitation on his part. He needed that time to get to this point, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Everyone's timeline is different and if there is one thing I'm certain of is that you cannot rush anyone else. I did have conversations with my FH about weddings, babies, etc and they were difficult because I knew he wasn't ready but it was important to tell him how I felt. It's really hard to sit down with the person you love and say "I'm thinking about this, I want this, I'm ready for it" and know they aren't at the same place yet, especially when you are talking to a man about marriage. Society puts a lot of pressure on men to propose.

All I can say is, you have time. If you know this is the man you want to be with, keep having open conversations with him but try not to put a ton of pressure on him to propose before he is ready. Weddings don't need to take forever to put together, and you don't need to be married for years before you try for kids. Our engagement will be about 9 months and we were able to nail down all the big vendors - venue, food, alcohol, photographer, and music - within the first three months of my FH proposing. It took me only a couple months to find a dress (to be fair, the dress can easily take 6-8 months if you need to order it and have alterations done). We don't feel like we've skimped at all on our wedding or that there is any part of it we wish we had more time to plan, or that we could have done better with more time to plan. Granted, we have established careers and knew this was in the cards for us even before the proposal happened, so we aren't trying to throw together a $30k wedding in less than a year on entry level salaries.

No one should rush into marriage. I think its far better to wait a little longer and be sure than just go that route because it's the next logical step society says you should do. If your boyfriend needs a little longer to be ready to take that dive, but he's the type that once he commits to something he's "all in" then I think waiting is 100% worth it. Be patient! It seems like you have similar life goals and timelines. You didn't mention anything about wanting to be married by a certain age or for a certain amount of time before trying for kids, so if you are both 25 and want to have kids around 29, you still have a few years. Maybe you need to be more explicit about your timeline ("I want to be married before kids, and I want to enjoy married life for a year or two before trying") or just alert him to the fact that wanting kids when you are 29, means trying for kids when you are 28, or earlier (I don't think my FH fully grasped the concept of couples trying for years for kids until his friends started having trouble getting pregnant right away and experiencing miscarriages; women talk about that stuff more then men).

If you are having doubts about your boyfriends commitment to you, that he's "the one", or that you want the same things in your future, then I can see having a bit of a harsher conversation. But if everything else lines up and this is your guy and his timeline is just a bit different than yours, relax. It will happen when he's ready, and when you are both at that same point together, it's a fantastic, wonderful ride.

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH EVERYONE. I can honestly say you all have been so kind and I appreciate it so much. I think it’s hard being in your 20’s and watching everyone else check all the ‘boxes’ off their list like marriage and children stresses me out and makes me feel like I’m behind.


Thanks for talking some sense into me lol! I feel so much better💕

Women have always dreamt about getting married and having kids in their 20s. For men, they want to make sure that they are in a stable enough condition to take care of you. Which means making sure they have a stable job, making enough money etc. Don’t rush into getting married without making sure those things are stable for you too. There are moments in your life you cannot get back after you get married and start having children. Making sure you and your partner get to do all the stuff you want to first is more important than a specific timeline and age.

You ARE rushing things. When I was 25 I was in the EXACT same situation as you, 3 year relationship and waiting desperately for a proposal because of some arbitrary timeline. And I didn’t even want kids!


The more you stress over it, the more it will put a strain on your relationship and the less likely it is you’ll have a happy outcome. CHILL. You’re young and you do not need to be a mom or married by a certain time. You have your whole life for that. Enjoy being young and in love, if the rest is meant to happen it will, just don’t rush things.

View Quoted Comment I’m certain we have all been there! It’s hard with social media being so intertwined in our lives. We watch everyone post their milestones and wonder why we haven’t gotten there yet. I’m sure you’ll be just as eager/excited when he proposes ❤️.

View Quoted Comment I don't think that's an unpopular opinion rather just the reality of things. I've done some research and one Society is different nowadays we are men don't feel the pressure of getting married to prove that they are men. Also women are not as quick to get married as well because we want to achieve certain life goals. In addition a lot of couples move in where 50 years ago that was kind of very taboo but a lot of us want to know what it's like to live together before we take that step. Last I feel that a lot of men they either one feel that they're with the woman and don't see the need to get married as with a case with my future husband. He always said that he's committed to me and we're together but he never saw the benefits of marriage. I also think though it's men either have one experienced a bad marriage or have seen negative side of marriage that doesn't give them a lot of gumption to want to get married. In my fiance's case his dad has recently divorced wife number three so for him I don't think he could see people that vhave successful relationships rather saw failed relationships then assumed that that was just going to happen. Some people may say that ultimatums are bad but I'm in agreeance with you that this year he wanted a lot of wife responsibilities but wasn't willing to make me a wife so I finally just got to the point of okay I've made it very clear before we moved in that I wanted to be married and I ain't know either this is where our relationship is going and if not then we need to re-evaluate our relationship. It wasn't me trying to hold his feet to the fire or anything rather like you said if you don't want this or you don't want this with me then cool let's go our separate ways and let me find someone who does but if you truly do see yourself with me then I don't see why making it legal is a big problem. Surprisingly I've had a lot of girlfriends who have had to have that kind of talk with their men and even one of my friends said that had she not done anything that she and her husband and now the father to her son probably would have just remained dating because I feel like some men are just comfortable Playing House rather than actually making out of real commitment. I would say one of my old guy friends at one point was even saying for me to have that either poop or get off the pot talk with him. So even men know that we need to be straight up and make our intentions clear and ultimately that's not what the guy wants then it's not fair to the other person to drag that out.

I feel like my past self from 3 years ago wrote this post hahahaha.

I am 26 NOW but I've been with fh for 10 years. We were together EIGHT AND A HALF YEARS before he proposed. I cannot tell you the amount of times I freaked out over a timeline, told him I felt like he was wasting my time, needed to commit, said "if you're SO SURE, why not just propose!", etc.

I am not normally so crazy about things but it is VERY frustrating watching people who have been together for a year or two years or even 5 years get engaged, get married, have children, and here we were just walking along at a sloths pace, been dating for EIGHT YEARS and no ring. SO ANNOYING.

Anyway, I picked our wedding date in like 2016 and basically told him (sort of joking, sort of not) I want to get married on 10/10/20 - it's the next time our anniversary is on a saturday and you have PLENTY of time to get your $#!+ together and propose. (then in the back of my mind, I kept that date haha)

I'm SURE he ignored my ultimatum but it ended up working out and I felt better about it.

He proposed on 6/7/18 on a vacation we'd had planned for a year! All our friends were with us on this trip. It was perfect. (Except that he forgot to buy a ring until 3 days prior to the trip. But that's just him. hahaha.)

All I'm trying to say is, I've been there, I totally understand how you feel. It's valid. BUT at the end of the day, would you rather wait an extra year or 2 for the guy you just KNOW is THE ONE, or would you rather get married to a not-quite-right guy who fits your timeline? Because those are your options.

I really, really, truly, truly, truly know there isn't another human on Earth I'd rather be with than my FH, and REALLY if I'm being honest, being with HIM is more important than being MARRIED to someone else, we could've NEVER gotten married and I'd still pick him. (although really thank god that isn't happening haha)

I was in your similar situation, FH and I started dating when we’re 20, we had our 5 year anniversary after he proposed but we had pretty much been together for 5 years. He knew when we first started dating that I wanted at least my first kid before I was 30 lol. He proposed in March, our wedding is set for November next year. I think when he proposed he still wasn’t quite as ready as I was to get married but none the less he still proposed and as we’ve gotten farther into planning he’s gotten more excited for us to get married. Anyway my point is (lol), you still have some time. Hold out for this trip, you never know what he may have planned 😊
Good luck and I wish you all the best!

Our proposal was plan C, not even A or B. A was abandoned because I told him he laid it all out drunk and he didn’t want to use it because he believed it wasn’t a surprise anymore, the ring didn’t come in early enough for B. I personally don’t like the big Christmas or holiday proposals. I think it’s more special to turn an ordinary day into a special one. It’s okay to get excited and be a little disappointed but be patient too. May he’s still saving for it or it’s ordered but didn’t come in yet.

A watch pot never boils. If you keeping expecting a proposal you will awalys be disappointed. Just focus on your relationship and the love/life you guys share. If that is not enough for you then you have other questions that need to be answered other then a proposal.

I felt nearly the same before my FH proposed. We've been together 6 years, and everyone else we knew were getting proposed to back to back. At this point we were living together, and has been together for so long I felt as if the only next step would be marriage. I did hint at him for a while, and did have my "brat" moments. He did drop hints that "I wasn't going anywhere." and "He has a plan." and I to thought I was going to be proposed to on Christmas and when he didn't I am not going to lie, felt disappointed. But then, when I least expected it. He proposed on New Years. Be patient, your time will come and you will love the moment and It will go by so fast!

DH and I went to the priest in August. I figured he would propose shortly thereafter.

He did not at Thanksgiving.

Got squirrely all December.

Did not at Christmas.

Totally did at New Year's. (And I saw through his plan right away.)

Keep talking to him, but also know that the "proposing season" isn't over.

DH and I absolutely did talk a lot about it. But he was trying to surprise me a little, so he hedged a lot of conversations.

Breathe. You don't need very long to plan a wedding. Standards might say 18 months, but we planned ours in less than 8.

Know what you want in a wedding, and be ready to hit the ground running.

I understand you’re disappointed, but really, what’s the rush? You’re still so young. And there is no cut off age to have kids. Also, Christmas proposals are awful. So I would be happy it didn’t happen over the holidays. I would be much more excited about an amazing trip to my favorite place, with my favorite person. And the proposal can literally happen at anytime. He has told you that he has a plan, so you need to trust him.

If he is "the one" then does it matter when he proposes? is a ring more important than the relationship? marriage is only a piece of paper and a name change. the relationship between the two of you doesn't and shouldn't change. i wouldn't pressure him in to anything, give him his time. when he is ready he will pop the question! i'm sure he is planning something spectacular for you.

I am 25 and my fiancé is 28. We had been together for 7 years before he proposed me in April. I had been getting very impatient just as you are! Hold out and hopefully it’ll come soon!