Sorry if I posted this on the wrong thread, but it’s the only place I can find posts similar to my situation.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years we are 25. I have expressed to him that I would love to have kids before I’m 28-29. But that I would also like to be married before I have children. He has said we’re on the same page, but he also says that he would rather have kids when we’re 29-30. None the less the last time we talked I expressed that I just wasn’t sure if we wanted the same things out of life, or rather we both want marriage and children just not at the same times. He asked me to rest assured that those things will happen for us and soon because he has a “plan” for his proposal. He’s been asking me about rings and our future an awful lot so I was expecting it to happen soon—like he said.
After that talk I expected maybe he was proposing on Christmas—well turns out that he didn’t—and I’ve been really sad. I’m worried that I’m going to stay in this relationship hoping that one day he will do the things he’s said—but what if he never does? At what point do I say that I’m being lead on?
For christmas the only gift he got my was a trip trip to my favorite place—Oregon! He said he knew it’s my favorite city and got flight insurance to cancel so we can decide when we’re going! He’s thinking February or March. I got a slight glimmer of hope that MAYBE he will propose on the trip? But again what if he doesn’t?
My question is—should I hold out for the trip or should I just realize this relationship might not ever go the way I want? I love him with everything I have but if three years isn’t long enough for you to decide what you want I don’t want to keep wasting my time with someone who doesn’t know what they want when I could find someone whose future plans look more like my own. I feel like I’m a relationship it should be both of us making compromises but it feels like on this one I just have to sit back and he gets to plan our future—all of the things I’ve expressed don’t matter because to him—he wants to have kids later in life and he wants to be married later so that’s what we have to do. I don’t think it should be that way.
I’m not trying to rush things, but I feel like my future is in his hands and I don’t think he realizes the amount of time it take to plan a wedding/book a venue. I’m not sure how to feel. I feel somewhat impatient. Do I have a conversation and express how I feel? But then I feel like if he is proposing on our trip I will feel like a brat from being upset that it didn’t happen on Christmas. Please help I have so many feelings and I’m not sure what to do lol
Any advice welcome!
