Boyfriend not invited

You have every right to be upset and your friend is incredibly rude. I personally wouldn’t attend.

Personally if my husband couldn't attend a wedding because the bride and groom didn't invite him, I probably wouldn't attend. While I understand people have to cut their guest list if they don't have enough room or money, I wouldn't feel comfortable attending a wedding without him especially if you have to fly because I hate flying. I have only flown twice to my honeymoon and back. I think you have every right to be upset.

View Quoted Comment I’m debating on not going, and I know this would probably be friendship ending. But it really really bothers me, because if I was having a wedding her boyfriend (now fiancé) would have obviously been invited without a second thought. Should I bring it up to her that it hurts my feelings? And that it’s hard for me to want to be a MOH when she doesn acknowledge my serious relationship

View Quoted Comment I think it’s rude as well, and she is expecting I attend her pre wedding events. But I don’t know how I am supposed to be giving her all this time and money when she can’t honor my serious relationship

View Quoted Comment I agree. I wouldn’t attend a wedding that my SO wasn’t invited to.

You have every right to feel upset and hurt. This is a grievous breach in etiquette on the part of your friend. Those who are in relationships are not "plus ones"; a couple is a social unit and should be invited as such. Plus ones are strictly for people who are single. I honestly would not participate in/attend a wedding in which my significant other was excluded from attending, especially an out of state wedding and most especially when I am in the bridal party. I believe this needs to be a very frank discussion with your friend about how rude she is being. This may end up ruining the relationship, but I cannot fathom having someone in my life who does not value my relationships.

She's being extremely rude. You are in a relationship and as such you and your SO should be treated as a social unit. This is not a situation where she didn't give you a plus one, because plus ones are for truly single guests (and even if you were single, as part of the wedding party, you should be given a plus one). She is asking you to celebrate her relationship while showing yours disrespect. I would tell her to go blow.

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I would definitely discuss this with her. It isn't right that she is expecting you to come celebrate her wedding when she is ignoring your relationship.

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It doesn't even matter if your relationship is serious or not. You're in a relationship. Doesn't matter if it's 4 days, 4 weeks, or 4 years. All significant others should be invited. Why should you go and honor her relationship if she cannot do a simple act to honor yours?

I agree with PPs--I actually had to do this with a friend from college's wedding last year. Funny thing is, about a month before his invites went out, we were hanging out at another wedding nearly the whole night both venting to each other about how both of our significant others weren't at the wedding (both couldn't make it due to work), so it really stung when my SO was not invited to my friend's wedding.

You don't have to make it into a big confrontation if you don't want to--I'd probably stick with RSVPing "cannot attend" and maybe texting her about no longer being able to make it--and, additionally, be in the wedding party--due to unforeseen circumstances (which, in this case, would be your boyfriend's exclusion from the guest list, but you don't have to tell her that).

I guess I am against the others here in that if you were a guest I would see not coming but since you are in the bridal party and the MOH you not attending could be a friendship ending move. I think you have a right to be mad and I would ask her why she chose this but it seems to be due to spacing and money. Once you start wedding planning you will see how much it is per head and how expensive it could be. It seems she is doing this to everyone and not singling you out specifically. I think since you are MOH I would say just go to support her even without your SO but if it really upsets you then let her know now so she can make arrangements. I do feel like even though that is a faux pas on her end and many people would be upset she is asking you to stand by her side on her big day and you not attending may cause the end of the friendship. I am kind of playing devil's advocate because when think of planning a bigger wedding I had at one point considered no plus ones just for budgeting purposes as we would pay for all this ourselves but my FH was the one that said we could not do that. I would speak to her about how you feel on the matter and see if she will change her mind.

Your friend was definitely wrong in this situation. Not only are you in a long-term committed relationship with your SO, whom you live with and which basic wedding etiquette dictates should receive an invitation; but you are also obviously one of her closest friends since you are the MOH in her wedding! The fact that she did not invite your SO (whom she knows personally and has spent lots of time with nonetheless!), is incredibly rude and hurtful. You are 100% justified in feeling the way you do. She has put you in a horribly awkward situation: either you have to go without your SO (which is unfair to both of you), tell her you will not attend without your SO (which just creates more awkwardness, because if she ends up begrudgingly inviting him he still knows he was not initially invited and would likely feel unwanted at the event), or choose not to attend her wedding, which means you will miss out on an important event in your close friend’s life, and risk forever damaging the relationship.

That’s so rude of her wow. Not like it’s a boyfriend of a few months even... you guys have been together for 4 years?! That’s insane and I can’t believe she would dream of not inviting him.


I’d simply tell her if you’re taking this much time and money you really want to be able to spend time with your boyfriend there too and if she says no, I wouldn’t go. She’s expecting you to spend a ton of time and money celebrating her relationship, but won’t even dignify yours by inviting your serious boyfriend?

I’d just let her know that this is upsetting to you and him and politely ask that she allow you to bring him.

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Plus ones are for single guests only. It was her friend's fault for not adjusting her guest list to account for those in relationships. I understand the money issue because I am paying for the majority of our wedding (FH is not in a position to contribute much financially) but that does not excuse such rude behavior on the part of the bride. If nothing else (which would still be extremely rude), the bride needs to extend the invitations to her bridal party's SOs. They are supposed to be her nearest and dearest....that's not how you treat people you are the closest to.

I'm probably the odd voice out here, but I don't think it's worth ending a friendship and getting so upset over. I wasn't invited to my FBIL's wedding because of spacing and my FH and I were solidly together, living together with a baby on the way at the time. It didn't bother me. It was a small affair, and they didn't have the space. My FH still went, and he had a good time.

View Quoted Comment I know the rules for etiquette I am just seeing the other side. No need to explain. I am not saying the bride is right but I am also pointing out the user isn't just a guest rather the maid of honor so she has every right to back out but just be aware regardless of what the bride did that could be a friendship ending move. That's the only thing I want to point out. I think this user is in the right to be upset and if she wants to not go then she needs to do what's best. I even suggested she talk to the bride before she do that to see if the bride will change things.

View Quoted Comment People in serious relationships are to be invited together. Plus ones are only for people who are not in a relationship.

I would talk to her about it and see what she says. Your SO is not considered to be a plus one, you guys are a social unit and should have been invited together. It's common courtesy. It's even more ridiculous that you're traveling for this and are her moh!


I don't care what anyone says about budgeting or spacing..if you can't afford to invite people in a polite way..you can't afford your wedding and need to seriously downsize. And by that I mean, only invite the people you care enough about to extend the invite to their significant other like you're supposed to..
I'm sorry this happened to you. Best of luck.

View Quoted Comment Please read my second post.