Boyfriend not invited

I wouldn't attend. I would be just too hurt.

View Quoted Comment Already did. Thanks. It has nothing to do with my comment.. I was commenting on the part where you said you were considering no plus ones at one point because of budgeting. In the context of this thread, and the general tone of your post, it made it seem as though you meant you were also considering not inviting significant others until your FH told you you couldn't do that. But you said plus ones..to which I responded significant others aren't plus ones. That was all.

I wouldn't attend. People are telling you that not attending could be a friendship ending move, well, yes, it might. But not inviting your SO is potentially a friendship ending move, too, and your friend either didn't consider that or didn't care. If she wants to end the friendship because you decide not to attend, it's all on her.

View Quoted Comment In that post I also stated that I was aware of that and etiquette lessons weren't needed. Plus another poster said the same thing which is why that was my response to you. My overall point is that i can see both sides. It's fine we don't agree but my main point is that while he's so's should be included she's also the moh and not a guest so she had every right to be upset but if she decides not to go I can see the bridr being upset too. I also suggested she tell the bride how she feels. I personally think regardless of the etiquette it depends on people's opinions. My response is as such is because if my friend was getting married and telling all guests no plus ones regardless of the reasons even if odd, I wouldn't be offended at all unless she told me that rule only. Not going to argue as you have the right to your opinion and I respect it as I have the right to mine but it am fully aware of the rule about SO's.

View Quoted Comment

I agree. The bride is the one who has made the friendship ending move by choosing to exclude SO's, and particularly the SO's of the people who are supposedly closest to her. She will now have to suffer the consequences of her rude and inconsiderate choices, which very well may include her MOH no longer attending and lasting damage to their relationship.

I think it's a bit harsh to call the bride rude. She's probably stressed out about her wedding and finances...maybe she was forced to invite family and needs to make space. I don't know her reasoning but it's her wedding and her guest list.
Personally I think the wedding party should be able to bring a "plus one". But when I was planning mine, in a panic of finances I initially thought the same way and didn't want to give anyone a plus one unless they were married or if I was close to their SO as well.

View Quoted Comment Right. I already said I read your posts. This is a place to give advice to the Op..not to repeat the same thing over and over again because someone doesn't agree with you.


Op, how good of a friend is this if she doesn't invite someone you've been with for years? How many guests has she invited? If it is a very small gathering, say under 50ish, maybe cut her some slack. However, if it's 100 or above I would be upset that she didn't account for your SO. How much does this friendship mean to you? now that he's been excluded do you feel differently about your friendship? how it's going to the wedding without him going affect your relationship with your SO? There are lots of ways this can go but it really depends on your specific situation. I wouldn't go personally. I have no room in my life for people who don't care enough about me to extend an invitation to my FH the way they're supposed to. Of course this is probably why my friend list is quite small..but I've always gone for quality over quantity.
Again..best of luck

View Quoted Comment Everything that you are saying I have agreed to with this lady. Personally I do feel that this bride should allow at least her bridal party to bring their significant others. I have even stated that the op has every right to be upset especially considering the fact that this bride has stayed at their house and knows her significant other. I just want to make it clear that I'm seeing both sides of things. And either way it doesn't matter what I would personally do with my life because I'm just eloping with my best friend and her husband so I'm not even having a full wedding but if I were to have one I would be ensured do it where people could bring their significant others as I do recognize the importance of that and I would not want to offend any of my friends so please don't feel like I feel like significant others are not important because I'm not sure if that's what my message is coming off as. My main point is that if the original poster we're just a guest and decided not to come that would be one thing but she is in a more difficult situation considering the fact that she is the maid of honor. I have stated three times that I feel she should talk to the bride and let her know how she feels and then if the bride is still going to be unreasonable she has every right to step down from that role but just as we would tell a bride that is considering dropping someone from her bridal party that is a friendship ending move her also stepping down as maid of honor is a friendship ending move as well. I definitely feel that the bridal party is allowed exceptions in regards to guess they bring. The reason I'm also seeing both sides of because there are times I've gone to weddings without my so either because he was not invited or simply because he did not want to come because he's not a big one to love to attend weddings. I do plenty of things even travel without him but that is our relationship. I do recognize that there are people that love to do everything with their partners and that is fine too. I totally understand where the op is coming from and she has every right to want to not spend a few days out of town without her SO. I hope I've explained my thoughts on the matter little bit better.

I was a bridesmaid last year for my moh. I told her early my then-fiancé now-husband couldn’t travel so she didn’t invite him. She had told me I could bring someone else instead and then went back on it. And yea it was kind of boring traveling alone and not having a dance partner at the reception, but I didn’t think it was a huge deal, certainly not worth missing her wedding or not being her bridesmaid.

I would not go if my significant other was not allowed to attend. It is rude to expect your guests to be ok with that. My absence would work out better for them.

Why it bothers me so much, is because she considers my bf her friend as well. She has known him for over 6 years and even her future husband has hung out with him. She is having a wedding of over 100 but inviting all the most extended family members she has never met. My bf feelings were hurt because he wasn’t invited, and he very much would’ve loved to attend. My partner and I can and do things alone, but this isn’t one of those things.

View Quoted Comment That's terrible. 😔 She honestly doesn't sound like a friend. Have you talked to her about it yet?

I understand limiting numbers for a small wedding, but my thoughts:


1) My bff, his bff - their significant others are also our friends and matter just as much to have them there. If I was your SO, I’d be hurt to not be invited, especially considering he has built a relationship w your bff.
2) On top of it being your bff, you are the MOH, and we strongly feel single or not, everyone who is in our wedding gets a +1, even if it’s a random. We want these people to fully enjoy the day, and a date often is part of that.
I’d talk to her and share your feelings, she nah not be thinking of it at all from your viewpoint.

Yea, you can definitely be upset/shocked/pissed. It would be one thing if this was a newer relationship and she had never met your BF before, but if you have living together for four years your relationship and commitment to one another are well established AND this woman has stayed at your house. Sorry, but there is no excuse for not inviting your BF.

I think its super rude to not allow your wedding party member's SOs to attend your wedding. If that was going to be the case she should have mentioned it when she first asked you to be in the wedding. I'd rightfully consider not going, but I'd definitely have a talk about it with the bride first.

I think it's BONKERS that she isn't allowing you to bring your SO. You're doing her a big favor by being MOH. And it should have been discussed before you were asked to be MOH so that you would know whether or not you wanted to accept the role knowing your SO couldn't attend. In that case, you likely would have declined. You can still explain that to her now, and definitely have a conversation with her.

If it were me, I'd be ashamed to tell my guy that he wasn't invited and would likely just drop out of the wedding without explanation to him. But that's my own anxiety/not wanting to stir up trouble. It's terrible that she's even put you in this situation!

If your boyfriend weren't sad about it already, I would invite him to come with you on the trip, and schedule an extra day so you could do some things in town together and make it a real vacation outside of the wedding - sight seeing, dining, hotel stay, a partner in crime on the flight, etc. But since he's upset too, this likely isn't an option for you anymore.

If this was me, I'd drop out, but not before having a serious discussion with the bride to be. She might surprise you and allow him to come after all, if you let her know how hurt you both are.

Thank you ladies! I am going to call the bride later today to talk about it, and if still he isn’t Invited I’m going to kindly let her know I can’t attend the wedding as part of her bridal party. And for now maybe I’ll attended as a guest. Still hurts cause my poor bf feelings have been hurt too

Wow, that's extremely rude - especially considering you're the MOH. I would not attend.

View Quoted Comment

THIS 100% I totally agree

I am giving everyone in my wedding party a plus 1 regardless of them being married, in a relationship or single. They are putting in time, effort and money to be a part of my big day and I would want them to celebrate with their person. I have a small guest list 48 including us and the wedding party! So we were very careful to be sure everyone had someone. My friend is single so I invited her 13 year old son to come with her instead.


It seems super rude to tell your maid of honor especially, that they can't bring their significant other. I personally would drop put as her MOH since she clearly doesn't respect your relationship.

View Quoted Comment

Exactly this. I would be so insulted to be asked to spend money on a dress, hair, makeup, etc, and fly (from the sound of it multiple times) out of state for a wedding where my SO was not invited. As others have said, “plus ones” are for single people, and are not the same as couples who are invited together. Not to mention, wedding etiquette says the “plus one” rule should be extended to those in the wedding party - but as a couple your partner should be invited regardless. You have every right to be angry, your friend is being so rude, and if your friendship ends over it, then it clearly isn’t a friend you need. Good luck!