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VIP May 2018

Breaking the Bank - of your guests

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PBiazinha, on March 19, 2018 at 8:34 AM

(vent) - Has anyone else been hearing from guests about how much your wedding is costing them? We are having a destination wedding with the closest people to us. Besides immediate family we only have about 5 couples - three of which travel with us yearly (usually overseas) for vacation. Now are are getting married (in Key West, we live in NY) and all I keep hearing is that my wedding is costing so much and they are not able to do things because of it. This weekend I kinda lost my cool and told a friend, in a way I am not proud, that we are not obligating anyone to come, specially if they cannot afford it. The conversation continues and she begins to tell me how my other girlfriends are concerned too because my shower and bach is costing too much! NO ONE is expected to attend any of that! I am not planning any of the other events by my FMIL & FSIL offered (insisted) to host them so I said okay - I know for a fact that the two of them would never exploit the financial situation of my guests (I've been in the family for over 6 years and we are VERY close) so I know this is absolute exaggeration. I am so mad/sad/upset I asked FSIL to cancel bach. I hate to be put in this situation and be made guilty of abusing the generosity of others, I am so tired of it these next 46 days cannot go fast enough!

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Master March 2018
Orchids · on March 19, 2018 at 3:09 PM
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Complaining to the B&G is SO tactless! Yes DWs are pricey, I've never attended any that I've been invited to because I've never been in a position to travel like that......but I always just sent a decline and a card and that was that.
I haven't been getting complaints about the cost, but I've had people reach out to complain to me about the hassle of traveling. "This is my busy time at work, it's so hard to get time off!" "I couldn't get any flights out until 10pm the next day, I'm going to be SO BORED all day!" etc. It felt to me like they were reaching out specifically to make me feel guilty and to squelch a little of my joy from the day, and it worked to an extent. I sincerely wish people would simply decline rather than come but make me feel like we were massively inconveniencing them!
We did have one friend who reached out regarding finances, but it was more like....hey, I'm honored that you asked me to be a groomsman but I recently lost my job and I wanted to let you know that I'm declining because the cost is too much right now not because I don't want it. So we are paying for his tux and a portion of his other expenses. To me, that's a lot different than reaching out to whine at the B&G though.
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