Bridal Party and Greeter/pamphlets

I think the issue there is you’re almost making them bridesmaids, but not really so it could feel like a slap in the face. Since you’re asking them to buy the dress, get ready with the bridesmaids, take pictures with the wedding party, then I don’t understand why they do every bridesmaid activity but don’t get the honor of being a bridesmaid.
If you want to give them the role of an usher by handing out pamphlets, I wouldn’t ask them to get a bridesmaid dress or put them in the wedding party table. Either they’re part of the wedding party or they’re not.

View Quoted Comment

See I was worried that not asking them to sit with us or any of the other stuff would feel like more of a slap in the face. It's like "wear what you want, sit at a table with the other guests, but show up early and work for me". It is so hard trying to make everyone happy and I know you shouldn't worry about that are your wedding, but that's just how I am.

Would you just hire a day of coordinator to do that stuff?

These used to be very common positions but now are unheard of. Most of the time this job is given to a teenager you want to feel included. Never seen adults fill the role. If someone is that offended by it, they don't need to be invited.

Let them wear whatever they wish. Don't dress them as a bridesmaid because guests will be confused. They don't take part in the rehearsal because they are not active roles in the ceremony itself.

You do you and include these ladies as you wish. Other people's opinions, random strangers who hate the idea, will not be attending so should not affect your decision.

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking them if they are interested in those roles; however, I would probably not recommend asking them to purchase a bridesmaid dress. That seems a like it could lead to misplaced expectations/feelings, plus it's a big financial ask for a lesser role.

View Quoted Comment

I already have one that comes with the venue. I guess I just initially didn't see the problem because I've seen it done before and guys always have ushers. But then again guys aren't super catty.

View Quoted Comment It is really nice of you to care about making everyone happy, I understand that for sure! You do make a good point on having them at your table, so maybe do that if you want. I just wouldn’t ask them to get a bridesmaid dress personally because they’re not bridesmaids.
Also remember that being invited as a guest is an honor in itself!

View Quoted Comment I agree. It’s a lot easier to get guys to do some thing then it is to get girls to do something lol. It’s 2021 and basically people are looking to get offended over any little thing that you might do. Everyone is their own queen, just remember that. And all honesty sometimes it’s just easier to hire all of your help then rely on others. It creates less potential drama

View Quoted Comment

SO MANY people here truly feel that if they don't ask everyone they know to fill a role that they will be offended. When it's suggested that many would really rather be a guest with no obligation at all, you still get equal backlash from those who say "I wish I hadn't agreed to being a bridesmaid (or other role)" because it's still considered offensive either way. Being invited as a guest is a huge honor but it's shocking how many see it as not an honor because a role is "preferred" even if they don't the financial stress or drama that comes with it.

I agree with PP, it's really nice that you want to include them, but don't have them participate in all the same things but not have the honor of standing next to you.

When I've seen these types of positions before they are usually dressed how they prefer and sit with their own group, not at the head table.

I would be a little offended if you asked me to play the part of bridesmaid (dress, hair, activities) but wouldn't rate me as important enough to stand with you. You can invite these people to be part of bach parties and get ready with you that morning if you want.

View Quoted Comment

In most social circles, groomsmen double as ushers. A coordinator provided by the venue typically only cares about making sure you follow venue rules. They almost never do decorating and standard day of coordinator duties. Get clarification from the venue of what that person will do and not do.

Oh I should note that due to covid the only people actually standing on either side of us are our siblings. The wedding party will be filing into the row behind our families. Covid is obviously making things weird and we just gotta work with what we can do as far as having people standing next to us.

View Quoted Comment

Just feeling very much in a pickle. I had my bridal party set, some of the girls were aware they were in the wedding, but then in the span of the last year I was unexpectedly asked to stand in my future SIL wedding, so I will include her now, and put into a situation where I have to include a girl I grew up with because her mom has been bugging the sh** out of my mom about it (And i'm one of those people that would rather suck it up and include the girl than have my mom have a falling out with our family friends). It's rough cause this would be a non-issue if I didn't have these two caveats.

View Quoted Comment

Curious but why not just have siblings only as attendants if the rest can't stand up with you? If most people are asked, they will expect to stand with you and if aren't, let them be guests.

View Quoted Comment

Because I have known these girls me entire life and I know they would prefer to be labeled a bridesmaid and included in that capacity and highly offended if I didn't ask. Also, it is COVID and people understand that there are certain restrictions on stuff. I have no control on the number of people that can physically stand on either side of the alter, but I can have as many as I want at the dinner table and would prefer if we all looked uniform and get to take the typical pictures together. Covid is messing everything up and something new shifts literally every week as far as what the venue can and cannot do.

View Quoted Comment

You never are required or obligated to pick anyone as bridesmaid just because you stood in their wedding. Would sister in law be your bridesmaid if that had not happened? If not, then don't have her as one. Parents can complain all they want but they don't get to decide who you pick. This is your wedding, they already had theirs. Stand your ground and say no to anyone telling to do something you don't want. They will only get worse throughout your marriage: telling you where to live, where you can work, how you raise your children, how often they see them, etc. Put a stop to it now.

View Quoted Comment

But do you WANT them to be bridesmaids? It seems like you've made a lot of selections out of obligation, and are trying to please everyone. The fact that you have 10 bridesmaids kind of illustrates you're just trying to keep everyone happy. What do YOU want? If you had to sit down right now and write up your list from scratch without pressure from anyone else, who would it include? That's your bridal party. No is a complete sentence, and you don't have to be a people pleaser when it comes to your one and only wedding day. Your friend's mom can get over it.

View Quoted Comment

My mom is a really really kind person and this is the only thing she has asked of me. Did I mention this girls father is my mom's boss at work as well and gave me internships all throughout college. The last thing I would want to do is cause a rift between our families because, and I know this might shock some people here, it is only just a wedding; It's literally just a party. As for my future SIL, that is someone I fully want to build a relationship with for the long run and I think this is a great gesture for that.

A table can hold programs. There's literally no reason to have a person (let alone two) pass them out. As far as greeting guests, what is the goal with that? Who needs to be greeted and why? Is it to direct people to their seats? Tell them the cell phone policy? Those things could be done with a sign.

You can invite your friends to perform any tasks you like, but asking them to spend money on a one-time-use dress and THEN also asking them to perform tasks that tables and signs can do but not be bridesmaids, I could see how that could come across as insensitive. And this is especially true in your case because it seems like you would have wanted them to be bridesmaids but decided that even numbers was more important.

The bottom line is that I think most people would rather just be guests than have to work at your wedding. If these friends OFFER their assistance, that is a completely different scenario.

View Quoted Comment

I never ever said even numbers were important. What I said was is that 12 felt like an insane number to have walking down the isle. Also, I was doing this on the assumption that it was typical because I went to a wedding where the bride had 4 greeters and 4 ushers. I thought this was normal. So I went on the internet to see how I should ask these girls and get all this information on how that makes me a b****. I was shocked because I never thought of it that way. I guess I shouldn't invite them to my bachelorette either then cause then I'm asking them to spend money on a vacation, but not asking them to stand in the wedding...or is that ok since the bachelorette is like a vacation for them that personally benefits them?