Bridal Party and Groomsmen Responsibilities

You have to set your own boundaries.

I, personally, would not alter my dress further at this point. I also would not be acting as unpaid labor. However, those are *my* boundaries.

If you feel like enough is too much, then you need to talk to the bride and indicate that you will not be setting up and cleaning up, because you are not unpaid labor; and that you will not be altering your dress any further unless she is paying for it. This will likely be a friendship ending move (and you'll be out whatever money is not refundable (cost of the dress and alterations, etc.).

If you don't want to throw a rock in the pond, you can go along with it and talk to the bride later about the things you resented about the experience.

This is incredibly inconsiderate of the couple. Wedding parties are positions of honor, and should not be used as unpaid labor. The couple should have hired somebody to set up and break down the event space. As far as the dress goes, I personally would not spend more money to hem it again. I would tell the bride that you already paid to have the dress hemmed according to her initial specifications, and you have already exceeded the maximum amount of money you can spend on her wedding. If she is adamant about you wearing flats, she can pay to have your dress hemmed. Paying for some people, but not others, is something you see here on WW from time to time. And every time, people adamantly discourage the couple from doing this. And this is exactly why. People find out, and it’s incredibly rude.

On principle, I personally would promise 2 days and to keep dress as is unless the bride will pay for further alterations. They want a fabulous 3-day affair, but are cheaping out by not hiring a crew for set-up take down. There's no need to get into financial stress over this. I would let the bride know ASAP if you'd rather be a guest.

Girl you have more patience and understanding than I ever would. I wouldn't have the dress altered any further without discussing it with her. I also wouldn't be spending that much to stay a hotel. I would either go only for the rehearsal and wedding or find somewhere cheaper to stay. That's ridiculous that she's expecting you to spend so much money. And while I understand she is the bride she doesn't get to dictate where you choose to stay. Heck we got married at a hotel and still had guests pick somewhere else to stay. It made no difference to us as long as they made it. As.for decorating and tearing down that's not a reasonable expectation. You aren't hired help. You are supposed to be one of the closest people in her life, but it sounds like her and the groom are treating everyone in the bridal party very poorly .Also who is their right mind picks a place that's $3000 per person and doesn't cover the cost for everyone. That's extremely rude and selfish. As a guest there is no way I'd pay the or anywhere near closer to that amount to attend a wedding. My question is if they are normally like this.

Definitely don't alter your dress again. Just wear whatever shoes you want, she won't even notice day of. Or maybe bring flats in case she throws a fit and your dress can just be too long. Just say you're not available to help decorate or whatever. You don't have to give reasons.

You are definitely not responsible for anything beyond getting the dress/suit. That's it. A lot of couples do assume that the wedding party means unpaid labour, party hosts, money sources and more come as part of it.

A position in a wedding party is supposed to be honouring you as a person of importance. This couple has got it backwards.

I'd be all over my boundaries in this situation. It's OK to say no and that you've made other plans for the time you're on vacation.

Decline now and attend as a guest or not at all. You also are within reason to reevaluate the friendship, if you feel she doesn’t respect you and she is unwilling to compromise or communicate like a rational human. None of these requests/demands are reasonable.


Unpopular opinion but a bridesmaid/groomsman is not responsible for anything beyond purchasing/renting clothes that are picked out for you, and showing up to support the couple at the rehearsal/ceremony and enjoy yourself at the reception. Anything else is optional. Expectations and prices involved must be made clear at the time you are asked to participate. Plans can change afterwards within reason, but what you have described is bridezilla territory.

Wow!!! I think you're already at enough is enough. Be brave and speak up. I support you.