Bridal Party Help

You said you were only asking for normal stuff. I gave a timeline of the hours most people put in for weddings, what has been long time expected, til tv reality shows pushed more time. You think people should be there on Wednesday evening. Your wedding date on your profile says a Saturday. Most people don't drive far for a rehearsal. Really, only the bride and groom need to be there, or at some point be filled in by the officiant. They are optional for anyone who would have to drive far, or take off work. To drive two hours each way, for a 30 minute rehearsal, is not necessary. I don't know anyone who has ever done that, or ever would except the bride and groom. As long as they are there an hour or two before the wedding, nicely groomed and dressed, ready for pictures or ready for a brief rundown for those not at the rehearsal, it is fine. If your wedding doesn't start in the morning and include a breakfast or lunch reception, then people can stay at home or wherever they like on Friday night, or even travel Saturday morning. You are asking they come Wed night. Yes, that is way early. It costs people to take off work, either in vacation days they cannot take later as a vacation, or in money if they have no time. Many workplaces absolutely will not approve any vacation time for someone else's wedding, until 30-60 days in advance. So if they ask, and 30 days before your wedding, are denied time off because others with seniority are off, or there is no coverage, you or the BM will be stuck paying for lodgings and transportation never used, and changing at the last minute to a Friday night or Saturday early am time. ... You seem to fault your MOH for not being happy with this. You are asking for 3 extra nights, not necessary. And asking far too far in advance for April 2021. Who knows for sure what job someone will have, or if they will change schedules, or taking courses toward a degree April 2021? Who might be pregnant, or have a new baby, or a new SO whose schedule will need to be considered? You asked your women very early. But now, you need to stop making plans that require commitments from them until the last 6 months. And expect one day, or a day and a rehearsal if people want to come the night before. Your MOH is not a problem. Your expectations are. Too much. And too early. You can see these people when you can over the next year plus. But lots of days W-Sat wedding weekend, having had a shower shortly before ( usually last 3 months) , is likely to not work for many people. Don't blame MOH .

Four of daughter's five MOHs/BMs live significantly out of state (between **** miles away). They are all very close, long-time friends, and daughter was perfectly happy knowing they would likely only be able to participate in the wedding and no other events. Her venue required the rehearsal to be on Thursday evening for the Saturday wedding. She and SIL let all the wedding party know about the rehearsal date, but understood, some might not be able to attend due to work/travel/etc. Luckily, they all were able to arrive in town by Thursday afternoon. Daughter had asked if she could invite the BMs to a "sleepover" at FOB & my home (kind of like they did when they were teenagers) following the rehearsal dinner and then we'd take everyone to get nails done Friday morning (and then they'd all be free to do whatever they wanted until 11 am on Saturday). Of the five, three spent the night; the other two have young children and/or had to be at work early on Friday, so they declined. It seemed to work well that daughter issued an open invitation, but was completely fine with each of them doing what worked for them. It's great to invite people, but just communicate that you understand they may have different needs. (Also, three of the four out-of-state BMs' parents still live locally, so they and their families had tons of stuff they wanted to do together while their daughters/SILs were in town that had NOTHING to do with daughter's wedding.) Good luck finding a middle ground. Close friendships are much more important than weddings.

As for bachelorette parties, until the bachelorette and bachelor TV shows, most women had either a shower, or a luncheon or tea , or an evening out with friends as a bachelorette. Not all , not a shower and a bachelorette. One party for the bride, or multiple small showers with each guest or host only once. Or a lunch or evening out. And one for the groom, usually a dinner or an evening out bachelor party. If you only have one, or friends only want one, that is what they want. They won't necessarily expect exta time at the wedding because there was no bachelorette. Read on WW, the number of weddings where brides and BM, sometimes lifelong friends, end their friendship due to bride's expecting BM to do more than a couple of evenings , and the day of the wedding. And over brides setting dates to purchase dresses before 4 months out. Don't set yourself up for making people drop out. Plan only things that do not involve wedding party til next November. I was only engaged 5 months. No wedding planner. Name Designer gown, 8 person wedding party, catering, Inn venue, band and quartet, and photographers and flowers. Working full time 3 months, and finishing master's degree ( both of us) while working for the first two months. It does not all need to be planned so far in advance, to make it happen. Really. Relax. If you can get a nursing degree, and manage a patient floor with changes every shift, you have the organization skills to do it easily, and do it well. Just plan guest list, and venue, food and drink and schedule within the ceremony and reception. Invitations, stationery for at least two thank you cards per Guest pair or individual. Lots to do without BM. They may help or not. Other friends may help. But otherwise, be friends only with WP for a long while and plan their stuff last.

Unless this trip is meant to replace a bridal shower and the bachelorette, i think you're asking too much. I wouldn't consider taking off that many days for some one else's wedding. I'm barely taking that off for my own. I think at most you should ask that they arrive friday morning.

She's right. You can invite people to arrive early and do extra things with you before the wedding, but you can't expect them to and you can't punish them for not taking extra time off work to hang out with you several days before your wedding (like demoting your MOH, for instance). Your expectations for your wedding party are too high. The only thing they need to do is show up to the actual wedding in the dress chosen with their budget and comfort in mind. Anything else is gravy.

I was the MOH in a wedding that was a couple hours away. I had to leave work early on Friday for the rehearsal dinner, and the wedding was Saturday. I couldn’t afford a hotel room, so the other bridesmaids got a hotel for Friday night and I just had my date drive me early Saturday. I met up with everyone at the hair appointment, and was still able to help the bride and her mom set up before the wedding. If you ask people to get a hotel/Airbnb, etc., and take time off from work, don’t be surprised if some of them can’t. I think you’re asking too much from your bridesmaids, tbh.

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The one day extra I'm asking which is thursday, because rehearsal is earl afternoon friday, is meant to replace my bachelorette party because of my bridal party being all over the country. It's not asking them for extra stuff. The only person who is having an issue after suggesting it as an idea, was my MOH.

Our wedding is on a Friday and I felt guilty enough having them take off one day plus a couple hours for our Thursday rehearsal. I dont want my girls to use a bunch of their vaca time for our wedding. I'm having my bachelorette party over Memorial Day weekend to avoid having them take off anymore days. I was in a wedding a few years ago where we had to take 1 day off for the bachelorette party (traveled to NOLA) and then we had to take 2 days off for the wedding (2 hours away) and a lot of us were not thrilled about it. I understand where you're coming from, buy you also have to see their side of it as well. Time off for some people is precious. Maybe they had other plans planned with those days off.

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I am very sympathetic to that and it was approached as here is an idea what is everyone's thoughts. I'm doing a bachelorette party because it was too much for all of them being spread out over the country. To do something would require more than half to travel between states or all of us would have to travel which takes more time and is expensive for everyone. Thats why I suggested Thursday and I would pay for what we do, so that way I still have a chance to spend some time with all of them together. Everyone has been very ok with that idea, besides my MOH, who wants to go stay with other friends (not mutual) & just show up for the rehearsal, which is why I am upset and its not an angry/annoyed upset, its a hurt upset that she doesn't want to be there with me.