Bridal Party Not Cooperating?

I don’t think it’s terrible if you message them and are like hey so how can I help you guys plan a bachelorette or what can I do to help etc

The situation is not good, but there are a lot of people who are out of work, who are trying to work with kids at home, with no good childcare options for their kids, with family members that are sick who they can't see, and who are losing loved ones, etc etc. A bachelorette is so low on the survival priority list. I don't think its fair to expect people with much more serious things going on to put aside important basic needs stuff - like affording groceries, paying rent/mortgage, and caring for their kids - so someone else can have a party, even if that someone else is a wonderful person. Also no one is obligated to have or throw a bridal shower or bachelorette - just because someone is a bride-to-be doesn't mean they automatically get those things. If those things are important to a bride then she should take those things into consideration when selecting a MOH and make sure that person is someone who can and will follow through.

Sorry, I know that sounds harsh, but with everything going on, I feel like being fixated on a bachelorette is a very privileged problem to have.

Obviously you care a lot about your FW - can you help plan everything but then step out so she can enjoy the party with her brother and friends? You can do a lot to help organize and put things together ahead of time and then just hand over "day of" reins to her brother/MOH. Coordinating everything is like 90%+ of the work, if you do that then MOH can step-up and just follow through with making sure the schedule goes to plan.

I’m not sure what the exact situation is that is causing them to be difficult, so it’s hard to speculate.



But I helped my husband’s best man to plan his surprise bachelor party. It was actually kind of fun. And his best man is way more into “partying” than my husband is lol, so I was able to help influence the activities to make sure it was more something my husband would enjoy.

I’m sorry, it must be hard seeing her so upset. Could you speak to just her brother and let him know that you’ve noticed she’s been really down about the bach? It would be helpful to understand why people aren’t able (or willing) to help plan and participate. If it’s because of lost jobs, family issues etc then I’m sure your FW would understand and he should communicate that to her. Maybe you could offer her brother suggestions on a low key bach she would still love to keep costs down or if most of her friends can’t make it maybe her and her bother could do something alone?

I don't think it's a bad thing for your FW to help plan the Bachelorette. Lots of brides come on here and complain that their bridesmaids aren't doing their "dream Bachelorette vacation/weekend/party" (something I find so ridiculous...but I digress). For mine, my brother was my MOH and my girls asked me for input as to where and what to do and we had fun planning it (they nicely did the legwork) and such an amazing time together that weekend.

This is a tough situation because really a bachelorette isn't required. Yes, most brides want one, but it isn't required or definite just because you have a bridal party. They only *have* to get the attire you ask for and show up on the day of. They don't have to do a shower, bach party, or anything else. You can definitely reach out and ask what the plan is, but the unfortunate reality is she may not get one. Maybe you two can take a weekend getaway to focus on making her feel special?

That really stinks that they don't seem into it. Is there any clear reason why? Regardless, anyone can plan a bachelorette party. It doesn't even need to be the bridal party. My husband's dad actually took the lead on planning his bachelor party in Atlantic City. Unless it's something elaborate like a trip, any 1 person can take the lead. Is is that the brother is throwing out ideas and they just aren't responding? They keep saying no to everything? A bit more context may be helpful for us to better understand the situation.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your FW helping to plan the bach party at all! I've been super involved with the planning of mine since we're going to a place I've been tons of times. If its a matter of them just not wanting to help plan, then I say she can step in. However, like others have said, her maids may not be able to financially/physically/mentally swing going to a bach party. COVID has unfortunately made things all screwy, so I definitely think she should maybe just message them all individually and see if they are capable of going if her and her brother planned the actual party.