Hi fellow wedding planners,
I recently got engaged and we're still over a year out from the wedding date (June 2020) but I'm doing a little thinking ahead (mostly because I'm just really excited to get started with planning but also just to get ahead of the ball ya know?) and I'm having a bit of a problem with creating my bridesmaid list...so far I have 7 people listed- two of my closest friends, my three sisters, my fiance's only sister and my sister-in-law. Here's the problem: one of my sisters is a bit, erm, troublesome. We'll call her Callie. I'm not very close with her, I only see her during family get-togethers/holidays/when she needs help with something...she's a bit unpleasant to be around and she's kinda stuck in life right now (can't keep a steady job because she dropped out of school and never shows up to work, spends all her money on drugs/things she doesn't need, etc.), my older brother recently got married and I (along with all my sisters) were in the bridal party. My now-sister-in-law wanted everyone to be included so she invited Callie, despite having to pay for literally everything for her because Callie never has money (as mentioned previously)- she paid for her bridesmaid dress, shoes, overnight stay at the inn following the wedding, etc...and how did Callie repay her? She didn't go to the bridal shower, didn't get the bride and groom a gift, ordered her bridesmaid dress at the very last minute, showed up to the wedding a couple hours beforehand with her bridesmaid dress- which she failed to have altered so it was too big for her and I/the rest of the bridesmaids had to help her pin the dress together and hope it stayed together (and this was being done as we're all getting ready, literally about to walk out the door for the first look pictures before the ceremony...), she disappeared halfway through pictures (probably to smoke), and then at the end of the night she literally just took off...never said bye, didn't say thank you, nothing.
I was infuriated, and felt terrible for my new sister-in-law. She's the sweetest girl and just wanted to include everyone, and never complained about any of this (at least, not to me). I feel like she got screwed over because she felt obligated to include Callie as a bridesmaid just because she's a sister/in-law. Ultimately, Callie didn't really ruin the celebration at all- she just wasn't present, caused the bridesmaids a ton of stress in getting her ready at the last minute and cost the bride/groom more money because they had to pay for everything (which they agreed to going in, but still).
Now that I'm planning out my own bridal party, I'm having a hard time deciding if I want to deal with the same issues my brother and sister-in-law had with Callie as a bridesmaid at their wedding. Of course I want all my sisters to be included. I don't want there to be any drama by not including her- I'm pretty sure my mom would shame me for not including Callie, and one of my other sisters (the closest one to Callie) would most likely make me feel bad for not including her. I also feel bad because she's been going through a bit of a rough time for a while- I've tried to reach out and help her, but she has some narcissistic/bipolar personality tendencies and has been known to screw family members over (such as stealing money from my mom a few years ago) and usually lashes out or takes advantage of me whenever I try to help. And yet, I keep fooling myself into thinking I can 'change' her by trying to include her in things...I don't want her to feel left out, and I don't want to be judged for not including one of my sisters in the bridal party, but I also don't want to be taken advantage of. Also everyone always says to choose your bridesmaids as the people closest to you...does the same concept also apply to sisters, no matter what?
