Bridal Party

Are you talking about a bridal shower? Or a different type of event? Truthfully, you can't force anyone to throw a party for you, even your mom. She is acting pretty uncooperative (especially if she's insisting that you must have one), but she is off the mark that you should plan a shower for yourself. It is actually very poor etiquette to throw yourself a party where the primary purpose is gift-giving. Maybe one of your bridemaids, friends, or other relatives will offer to host one for you? But if not, then you just don't have one, and it kind of sounds like it's not that important to you anyway. You are right that you have enough on your plate to worry about!

I'm assuming you mean a bridal shower and like the other poster mentioned it is considered rude for the bride to host her own bridal shower as it is a gift giving party. Normally the mother of the bride or bridesmaids will offer to host the bridal shower. It sounds like your mom is being unreasonably difficult. I would recommend skipping the shower all together unless someone comes forward and offers to host.

View Quoted Comment Honestly a bridal party is not that important to me. None of my bridesmaids or maid of honor are planners. So they are no help. I asked my mom if she would plan the bridal shower since she is always talking about how I need to have one. Plus she sits on the couch all day long and does nothing since she does not work. I know people give presents at the bridal party, that also give them at the wedding. I’m not the type of person who is into lingerie or anything kinky that is typically given at bridal showers. My fmil was wanting to throw the bridal shower before Covid. Since Covid she does not want to throw a bridal shower now. Even though she is fully vaccinated she is older and still does not want to be around a lot of people.

View Quoted Comment My fmil offered to host it before Covid. Even though she is fully vaccinated, she is older and does not want to be around a lot of people. That is the same as my Nana, before Covid she offered to host the bridal shower, now with Covid even though she is fully vaccinated. She is older and does not like having a lot of people at her house. So I don’t know what I’m going to to.

View Quoted Comment Gifting lingerie and marital aids isn’t something that is typically any more. Shower guests usually just purchase items from your registry.
As previous posters stated, it is in poor taste to throw your own shower- because it is a gift giving event, it comes off as “gift grabby”. If no friends of relatives offer to throw the shower for you, you simply do nothing have one. Showers are completely optional events. So, despite what your mother is saying, they are NOT necessary. If your mother insists you have one, she should step up and host it.

“I’m not interested in planning and having a bridal shower.”


If she brings it up after you say that, you say “Mom I already gave you an answer about this. If you bring it up again, I will be ending the conversation.” Then you follow through with that boundary.

View Quoted Comment Trust me I don’t want to throw my own bridal shower. I know that is seems like I would be doing it just to get gifts. Which I don’t want. Since Covid started I don’t have any family members willing to throw me a bridal shower anymore. Since they are all afraid of having non family members over at their house or being around non family and close friends. I told my mom I won’t have a shower then since it is not a must for me. She got mad and said that my grandma’s and aunts want to come in for a bridal shower for me. So now it is if I don’t throw one in disappointing my grandma’s and aunts. Gah

View Quoted Comment I did, I ended the conversation. She wants to control everything about the wedding. Then when I ask her to plan something she wants me to do, she says she does not want to and for me to get one of my bridesmaids to plan it or I need to plan it myself. So I will focus more on planning the bachelorette party and wedding planning.

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My response would be then if they want to come to a shower then tell one of them to host it otherwise I won't be having one.

I would definitely throw this one back at mom. Tell her that you don't care if you have one and that if it is going to happen, she will have to plan it. It is NOT a requirement to have one and you definitely should not be responsible for planning or hosting one for yourself. Try not to let her add stress where it really isn't necessary. I'm sorry you have to deal with this!

View Quoted Comment I completely understand your family member’s concerns regarding covid restrictions, and they are perfectly valid. Unfortunately, if no one wants to host the shower, then that’s that. It’s out of your hands. I would explain to your mother that you cannot throw your own shower, and no one has offered to do so. If she says you are disappointing family members, I would point out to her that it is completely out of your hands, so YOU are not disappointing anyone.. and if she is THAT worried about her family being disappointed, then SHE can throw the shower. If not, there is no need to discuss the matter ever again.

View Quoted Comment My mom said she is going to try and talk my nana into hosting the bridal shower. Which I think more means she is going to talk to her husband and have him talk to his mom about hosting it.

View Quoted Comment I told her I honestly don’t care about a bridal shower. I more care about the bachelorette party. She keeps trying to tell me that a bridal shower is more important than a bachelorette party.

View Quoted Comment My mom knows where I stand on the matter of the bridal shower.

It sounds like your mom should make a wedding wire account! She could easily ask advice on here from unbiased strangers, and would quickly see that much of her behavior regarding your wedding is out of line. Maybe it would help her to gain some perspective and inspire an attitude change.

View Quoted Comment Neither party is “more important”, because both parties are completely optional

View Quoted Comment All I know is I was talking with my fsil a few hours ago. I asked her about her wedding shower and then she offered to plan mine 😊. I didn’t want to ask because the month for the shower my fsil will be 8 months pregnant. She offered to throw it with my other fsil. So that is one less stress. Now to create a registry.

View Quoted Comment Perfect! So glad everything worked out and that’s one less stress for you

View Quoted Comment Trust me I’m happy about that. On to the next stress creating a wedding registry and finding a color I like for bridesmaid dresses.