Bridal proposal

Most people will advise a year at the earliest because relationships can change.

Yes, I wouldn’t ask any earlier than 10-12 months before the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

Agree with PP. And also, if the reason you want to ask earlier than advised is because you want people to have time to save up money, you might be overreaching with how much you expect them to spend on your wedding.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I’m a pretty frugal person. I myself don’t intend to spend a lot on one day. I just thought the more time in advance my bridesmaids had the better. 🙂

I'm gonna ask 11 months out. I've been engaged for a year already and ppl are constantly bugging me about who my bridal party is but I think it's too early to tell them and decide for sure

View Quoted Comment Thank you and Yeah i think I’m going to do it 12-10 months away from my wedding.

I think that’s a great timeline. I like advanced notice

I asked at 18 months. I think if you know who you want and youve been close to them for a long time then it’s not a problem. If you haven’t been close that long or are on the fence then I would wait.

I asked at 18 months out because I had them all together (for my birthday). Although I agree with the other comments that relationships change. I never thought one of my bridesmaids, a friend of 10 years, would not only not be a bridesmaid, but not be a guest either. Weddings bring out true colors.

This is a terrible idea. Too much changes in that much time. So much of the drama you read on WW and hear about in real life, could be avoided if the people stuck to not asking before the traditional 9 months or less, or at most 12 months. Early on everything is happy. Then friendships start getting wrecked . People who said yes get engaged, get new jobs with no time off ( no seniority) or move far away, and cannot afford to spend an extra $1000 to make it to even the wedding. People get engaged, set their date just before bride's, and drop out. People get a new love and stop seeing old friends much, and bride is furious the person is never around. And many friendships run their course and run out of steam. Who cares about her anymore? And lots of friendships are destroyed when people drop out. Or bride asks them to leave. Things completely avoidable if they had not been asked so blasted early. People cannot see their lives far in the future. . . . The second biggest category of problems is that once she has asked people, bride acts from then on as though they are part of her team. There is absolutely nothing at all that any BM needs to do, that could not be done by just a friend or family, before 6 months out. BM gowns come in 2-10 weeks after ordering, and should be bought close to the wedding. No one wants $200 extra alterations because they changed size up or down 15 pounds or got pregnant, when the dress cost $180-225 to begin with. Double the cost. So dress shopping is an under 5 month thing. And showers and bachelorette parties are usually in the last 3 months. They are smaller parties and do not, or should not, take huge amounts of time to plan. But once brides choose BM, they have a hard time saying this is great. Now we won't do anything til 6-9 months. So they plan. And do chats. And wonder why some people get upset, or are not interested. Fact is, they signed on for a few half days or evenings, maybe a day of shopping, and the wedding. All in the last 6 months. And usually one or more back off when it becomes clear bride is making this a 15-24 month thing. Only the couple sustains much interest, that ling. People who start interested, are sick of it in a year or less. Others make the bride angry because after saying yes, they do not intend to do anything til the last 6 months. The difference in expectations leads to fights, disappointment, loss of friendships. And lots of times, loss of one or even all original choices. Wait. As closer to the event, when people know their schedules. . . . The last group of problems is mostly about what you mentioned as having enough time to save up. Not to be mean, but if you are asking for anything that means saving up for more than six months, you are expecting too much. Don't count on people spending what comes to more than a few months of discretionary money ( after rent and all bills and necessities.). I know some years, in addition to any weddings either of us is in, we as a couple may attend 4-10 other weddings or major occasions, requiring clothes and a few hundred in gifts, or more. And in the year before our own wedding, we were in weddings we promised before our engagement. But we had grad school tuitions, and our own wedding to save for. And a limit on what could be saved up for over a long period of time, to essentially give away. Most people can not afford anything they must save up more than 6 months for, to give to another person as a gift, or money to spend on gowns, or parties or trips. Don't plan on people spending any sum on your wedding, that would take a year or more. That is unfair. Here is your honor, be my bridesmaid, and spend a year and a half saving? No. Not right. Avoid the problem. Wait. You will still be friends or family in a year, do it then. If you are not still together, good thing you did not ask too early . You can plan 80 to 90 percent of your wedding, as B and G, before any involvement of a bridal party is needed. Do that for a year or so. A lot of people feel betrayed when someone quits their wedding party. But if you ask for a commitment before people have a clue about their schedules, their finances, their own personal life, expect problems when their lives change. They are not putting their lives on hold. Things do change.

I asked my 2 childhood best friends who aren't going anywhere in terms of friendship, so I asked them a year and 8 months in advance. If you're sure that the friendship is lasting, I don't see why you can't do it earlier, especially in they're out of state. It can add a lot of stress to suddenly pile a bunch of expenses (travel, & dress at a minimum) onto someone who might not be particularly prepared for it without lots of notice.

"Proposals" to your wedding party are a bad idea at any time, and particularly this far out. The more you build up the request (by doing it early and with elaborate proposals), the more you make them feel like they can't say no--and then they end up resentful later on. Plus, doing it early risks their moving away, losing a job, having the friendship cool, getting pregnant and having a baby taking up their attention, or a whole lot of other things that can make being in the wedding party a lot less attractive than they initially think it will be.

All your wedding party needs to do is to buy the dress/outfit you choose, and show up on the day. And the dress/outfit shouldn't be so expensive that they have to save up for a year and a half for it.

So I really think it depends. I did mine about 2 years out. MOST of my bridesmaids are still in it. One decided she didn't want to be apart of it and another backed out after her boyfriend (a groomsman) and her broke up. The reason I advice waiting is because the reality is they aren't going to be as excited as you and you're going to get bummed when they aren't at first - a year and a half is a long time. Second, i agree with the above comments - relationships change. If you're convinced they won't, then they will certainly be around a year out to be asked.

Don’t do it! I had to replace 2 Bridesmaids. Luckily, I had not given them any gifts or spent money on personalized items. I’m doing a lot of dIy, so it wasn’t hard or expensive to change them.

Depends on who you're having as your bridesmaids. Either I or FH are related to most of my bridesmaids so I asked mine last winter for our 10/10/20 wedding. His cousin, my cousin, and his stepsister aren't going to stop being related to us so I figured it was safe. The other 2 are friends I've had for 10 years.

He (aka me, I sent them cards hahha) already asked his groomsmen too, all of which are his best friends since elementary school and his cousin.

If anyone is newly (like 2-3 years) your friend, I wouldn't ask this far away.