Bridal Shower Brunch

Lower your expectations. It sucks but all those parties dont matter when everything is said and done. I would not throw your own shower, its extremely gift grabby.

I also think it sucks your FH dismisses your feelings. You have every right to be a little disappointed.

View Quoted Comment

If you read fully we arent asking for gifts or expecting them. We dont even have a registry

It’s ok to be disappointed, but don’t dwell on it. The parties and showers aren’t what makes a marriage. People are stressed and busy and it’s not always possible to prioritize throwing a party for someone else when you have a lot going on in your own life. I would also NOT throw your own shower. Nobody invited to a shower is going to show up without a gift and throwing a gift giving party for yourself is not a good idea.

Then just ask friends out to brunch. A shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts. You should never ask but it is always implied.

I understand your disapointment. I don't think anyone is planning anything for me either. At the end of the day the most important thing is that you are going to have a wedding. You are going to marry your best friend. TBH if I had to cancel every other pre-wedding event, I'd still be able to focus on being happy about our wedding day. If you throw yourself something, just call it brunch. That takes the expectation off of others that they need to bring a gift. Are you hosting this or expecting everyone to pay for themselves? That's the other important part. Think about what hosting this brunch will do to your budget.

Don’t feel bad or think that because other people have an engagement party/shower then u are less of a bride!!! That’s nonsense!!!! Everyone’s love story or wedding journey is different. All that counts is how u see it and what u make of it. Even if u have hot dogs and chicken fingers for your bridal shower with decorations from the discount store, u can still have fun with it. It all will turn out with whatever attitude u out into it.

View Quoted Comment

That's what I'm saying tho, no one even planned something THAT simple for me...I go above and beyond for people (I threw and hosted my mom's wedding, and spent over 1K on my MOHs bachelorette weekend when she was getting married....) Im sad, and my FI doestn get it cuz his friends are like super on top of things and taking him away for a whole weekend to celebrate and Im jealous of that.

View Quoted Comment

Put a disclaimer...never actually called it a shower when talking to my MOH. Im just thinking of it that way....and I always thought it was shower as is love...haha im a moron

LOL.

I was trying to tell this to a bride on here yesterday. Yes it totally sucks. You're disappointed because you'd bend over backwards for people and they arent doing the same. You have to understand that not everyone thinks and behaves the same way you would in the same situation. It's hurtful but it just is what it is.

If you host the brunch you have to pay for everyone. I would just skip it.

It's okay to be sad about these things. This is only a one time deal, you know. Not that everything has to be perfect, but nice would be cool. Let your fiance know how you are feeling, and let him know why. Make sure he knows how he can be supportive of you in this matter. It sounds like your maid of honor is willing to plan an event for you. It's not too late for a shower. I know of a bride who had a shower two nights before the wedding. As far as the engagement party goes, pick your favorite restaurant and invite your dearest ones to eat with you and toast to you and all those things. Doesn't take a bunch of planning, but can still feel like a celebration. I'm guessing you want people to celebrate your upcoming marriage. You don't have to stress out to make the celebration happen. Good luck!

P. S. I LOOOVE planning events, so I would love to plan my own shower/engagement party. lol.

Because you've made it clear you're not asking for gifts, I don't see anything wrong with throwing yourself a little celebration party (if you can afford to host it fully). You could call it a "Bridal Celebration" or "Bridal Bash". You should also mention on the invite that you don't want gifts. People may ignore the "no gifts" request, but at least this way you won't be seen as greedy.

No one in my BP planned anything for me either, and I will say that was I was really disappointed. I knew that all of the parties were optional, but after years of going all out for other people it was really hard to not have anything done for me. But, I understood that the parties are not a requirement so I moved on even though I was pretty sad. It is ok to feel sad, though I wouldn't plan my own shower or bachelorette. A fun girls brunch or something cute that you host would be nice if you don't call it a shower

It's okay to be disappointed but you might want to consider lowering your expectations. Just because your getting married doesn't mean you should expect everyone to meet your every need or command. And the people that weren't there for you before you got engaged aren't going to automatically be there for you. There's nothing wrong with throwing your own bridal shower. sorry if I come off as harsh but that's just reality.

I get it, OP. I'm one of those people who go above and beyond for others and often get heartbroken when it comes time for people to do things for me. I'm incredibly fortunate that this time isn't the case, but I definitely know how it feels to expect the same basic consideration in return and get...nothing.

Like others have said, it's perfectly okay to plan a bridal brunch or something similar, if you can afford it. Is it everything you imagined it would be? Well, no, but at least you'll have a chance to get your loved ones together and celebrate your upcoming marriage. It'll take some time to get over these feelings of disappointment, but try to keep in mind that you get to marry your best friend and your life after this will be wonderful!

As for his reaction, sit him down, tell him it has nothing to do with the wedding itself, but the fact that you have gone above and beyond for your friends and they aren't doing the same for you, and that's what is saddening you. Express you are INCREDIBLY excited to get married, but your feelings about this matter are completely valid, and him getting upset with you for feeling these things is not how he should be supporting you.

Good luck! I know everything will turn out just fine.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you! I know it will too....it's just trying to combat the dissapointment thats all.

Host a brunch and pay for it and celebrate all the fund things in life. Don't make it wedding related, and you still get to celebrate.

I do not know what your destination wedding plans are, but if travel to and from the event, and the wedding itself, add up to 24 hours or more, then you are already getting more time and effort from these people that the average bride. If it involves one or more nights away from home, or anyone taking even one day off work, for anyone but your parents, sisters and brothers, the time commitment alone puts you way over what many get. And if you are expecting more than $200 total spent on all travel and meals and lodging for the entire event, anyone who is not in a high income bracket could be spending three to six months disposable income , for themselves and their household. I have been hostess or co-hostess for over 40 showers in my 37 year life. I don't think such celebrations are a waste of time, or I would not have been in more than 20 bridal parties. But I have declined to be in the bridal party about ⅓ of the times asked ( though I may have co-hosted or bought and cooked full meals for 25-35 shower guests for the same people I would not be bm or moh for.) Because I am never able to put another bride's wedding ( or my own, for that matter) as my biggest priority for time and money, without being conscious of the fact I was buying wedding and shower gifts for 2-4 other people that year, on average. And maybe a few baby showers and christenings, someone's anniversary or retirement party, plus oh yeah , Christmas, on a part time PT/ half time farming income (mine) and an engineer's (hubby for 12 years.) salaries. When a newly engaged close friend or family is talking her dream bridesmaid dresses and their shoes and accessories, and hoping a shower will be at least 50 guests "a really good start for things we need", in some fancy place, and wouldn't a weekend away with the 5 or 8 people closest to me, with a limo for at least one night so we can go place to place (all being paid for by friends) to maybe go to a show ($85 a ticket) and go to a could clubs after and drink without limits cuz we'll have a limo... I am already practicing the polite decline to be in the wedding party, or just a friend going to her bachelorette. Too much. And that is before she gets to describing the 4 days she is thinking of for the wedding, you know, one for the 6 hour spa day with mimosa lunch, one for the rehearsal and dinner, the next day to travel to the local hotel venue, with a late morning meeting with her W Planner, afternoon with HMU for trial, dinner for closest friends and bridal party to greet all out of town guests, then Saturday , wedding day noon to 2am, next day goodbye brunch. And while she tells all present how she would generously pay for the spa, her mom the rehearsal dinner, and oh she will just buy bunches of gifts for everybody who shows their love for me and FI... I am wondering if she has noticed that all of her regular friends, and their SOs, are nurses and lab technicians and school teachers an medical student paying or borrowing school costs. And the privileged dearest friends will have to take 3-5 days off work because half work weekends, or miss 2-3 days classes, and their SO take off 1 or 2 days, not to mention those who pay $15-20 per hour for childcare 15 hours on wedding day, several hours every evening dinner, at least 2 nights plus 2 overnights... And this for a wedding venue only 1½ hours from home. Previous Posters are right. Spend as long thinking about what time and effort, as well as cost, you expect from your wedding party for the destination wedding you planned, as you have spent feeling bad about what you are missing. And you feel neglected? You have bought into a wedding fantasy promoted by tv, and the wedding industry. Unless you and all of your friends are highly paid but still have unlimited time off any time they want, expecting ANYTHING including a shower or bachelorette IN ADDITION to a destination wedding, is not realistic for more than half the brides out there. Your expectations are too high. People who read and post here are usually pro-wedding, and hope you and other brides can have a very special engagement period and wedding. But those of us in the real world ( we have 5 kids) cannot put bridal wish fulfillment at the top of our priorities. Though it is so fun giving others everything they dream of, most often it is not a real life plan.