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Ashley

Bridal shower but not wedding

Ashley, on October 5, 2023 at 11:08 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

Hello! My not the bride, I'm the maid of honor and have a question.


My best friend and I are from CA, all her family and most of her friends are here. She recently moved for school and met the man of her dreams and they are now engaged, They will be getting married in Idaho. It's going to be a small wedding, 50 people total and children will be allowed. So really...its like 5 families they are each inviting. I want to throw her a bridal shower here in CA but she's worried about me inviting people even though they wont be invited to the actual wedding. I get where she is coming from, but most of the people I would invite are family members who wouldn't make the trip for her wedding anyways.


So...is it tacky if I invite people she is not inviting? And if it's ok, how do I word the invites?

6 Comments

Latest activity by Hanna, on October 6, 2023 at 5:54 PM
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Only those invited to the wedding should be pi invited to the shower. Otherwise it comes across as rude and like you just used them for a gift.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Yep, the bride is correct.

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  • C
    CM ·
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    Agreed. Etiquette is firm that only those invited to the wedding should be invited to any pre-wedding event. The only exception is something like an office shower, where co-workers plan something amongst themselves, not expecting to be invited.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    It’s super sweet that you want to throw her a shower and make her feel special. But, the bride is correct – you should never invite anyone to a shower that is not invited to the wedding.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    It’s a faux pas to have a shower where people are invited who are not invited to the wedding itself. It’s viewed as being gift grabby, while a shower hosted by someone invited to the wedding is not. The only exception is when coworkers and fellow members of a house of worship or a social club (book club or similar group) host a shower for the couple. In that case, they know and understand that they are not close enough to warrant a wedding invitation but they still want to celebrate the couple.
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    The bride is correct. I would be mortified if someone threw me a shower and invited people who were not invited to the wedding. You can still throw her a shower--just limit the invite list to people who are also invited to the wedding.

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