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Jada
Savvy June 2022

Bridal Shower Etiquette ii

Jada, on January 12, 2021 at 5:41 AM Posted in Planning 0 18
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Hi all! I posted previously about this but left out a couple of details, so I’m trying again! I’m getting married in Bali, Indonesia which is approximately a 24 hour flight from where we are (NJ). Since it is so far, only about 30 guests are attending. Some people like my grandparents, distant aunts, etc will not be going because of the distance, however, they still want to be able to celebrate with us. This brings me to my bridal shower question. Is it okay to invite my friends/family that aren’t going to Bali to the bridal shower if we make it known that we are NOT accepting gifts? I want to eat, drink, celebrate, and play games with everyone without the whole notion of being “gift-grabby.” Although people say the whole point of a bridal shower is to “shower the bride with gifts,” I feel like I’d rather be showered with love. Let me know your thoughts!

18 Comments

Latest activity by Jada, on January 12, 2021 at 1:40 PM
  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
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    Why not just call it a Bridal lunch/tea? It's the word 'shower' that is problematic.
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  • Jada
    Savvy June 2022
    Jada ·
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    Sure! I’m definitely open to naming it whatever lol if the gifts are what makes it problematic and we say no gifts, I think we should be okay
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  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
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    No need to even mention gifts. Have fun and enjoy the celebration!
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  • Jada
    Savvy June 2022
    Jada ·
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    Yes! Thank you for the advice! Appreciate it 😊
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  • Sharonda
    Super January 2021
    Sharonda ·
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    Would it be co-ed so that your future hubby and male family members attend as well? If so, just call it an engagement party. Either way, it’s going to be all about messaging. On the invitation you could put something like “eat, drink and almost married” so people know it’s a celebration without the mention of gifts.
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  • Jada
    Savvy June 2022
    Jada ·
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    Hi Sharonda! It won’t be co-ed but I definitely agree with you on the wording of the invitations! Thank you for your advice!
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I had an elopement ceremony and I did a bridal brunch. Any of my friends that attended knew my plans that I was not having a wedding. This is one of those it all depends on your circle. I would say you are safe to invite those that you would invite but they are choosing not to come. As others have said maybe forego the registry. I did but people still wanted to give a gift which was up to them. You could call it bridal brunch or bridal luncheon.

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  • Jada
    Savvy June 2022
    Jada ·
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    Yes I love that! I definitely think I will be naming it something different since we will be foregoing the gifts. I like the sound of bridal brunch, so thank you!
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I don't see anything wrong with it. Maybe call it something else, like a luncheon?
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    1.) It isn’t a shower if you’re not accepting gifts, it’s just a confusing party.
    2.) It’s still impolite to invite anyone to a pre-wedding event who isn’t also invited to the wedding.
    3.) There’s a difference between not invited to the wedding and not attending. If they were invited and can’t make it, they can still be invited to pre-wedding events. If they aren’t invited in the first place, this is extremely rude.
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  • Jada
    Savvy June 2022
    Jada ·
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    I guess, I think it depends on the group of people. For example, I was invited to a good friends bridal shower, engagement party etc, but their actual wedding was taking place in Egypt which we weren’t invited to (only family). No friends took it personal because we knew they wanted family at the wedding but to still celebrate with friends @ home. I would say it would be a different story if it wasn’t a destination wedding but that’s just my opinion.
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  • Jada
    Savvy June 2022
    Jada ·
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    Yup! I definitely like the sound of that. It eliminates the whole notion of “showering with gifts” if it’s called a luncheon or bridal brunch. 😊 thanks!
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Well then I guess I’m confused about why you asked for anyone else’s opinion if you already have your mind made up.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    First of all, you cannot host your own shower. A shower is specifically for gifts and you can't have one where you decline gifts. You can have an engagement party at the beginning of your engagement or a bridal luncheon thanking your bridesmaids. Alot of destination weddings have a small get together afterwards for those they want to celebrate with is that an option instead? No hurt feelings that way.
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  • Jada
    Savvy June 2022
    Jada ·
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    Hi Michelle, my MOH is actually planning the bridal shower.. she wanted to go over the invite list prior to making it official. There there a couple people on there that aren’t attending the wedding which is what prompted the initial question. We decided that we’re renaming it a Bridal Brunch and having more of a celebration! Thanks for your advice 😊
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    I agree with all of this!

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  • H
    Devoted August 2023
    Hhh ·
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    Completely agree with above, and I would happily attend a “bridal brunch” in this situation. That said, if you truly don’t want to make it feel gift grabby, I think it is worth explicitly stating somewhere that their presence is enough of a present (or similar). Having been to one of these, it is really confusing for guests if gifts should/should not be brought. Undoubtedly people will go different directions and both sides will feel bad or awkward (and you definitely cannot make a production of opening any gifts you do get at the event!)
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  • Jada
    Savvy June 2022
    Jada ·
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    Thank you!! Yes that’s amazing advice, will definitely tell my MOH to put no gifts on the invite😊
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