Bridal shower guest list

It usually is quite rude but if they know they are not invited to the wedding and still want to support you in some way by attending your shower I see nothing wrong with it.

It’s kind of unusual to have uninvited people at pre wedding events

The rule of thumb is to not invite anyone to the shower (I’m assuming to the engagement party as well?!) who isn’t invited to the wedding. Like Rebelle said, I don’t see a problem with it if it is 100% clear between you and the guests who aren’t invited to the wedding.

It’s extremely rude to invite someone to a pre-wedding event (especially one entirely about giving you gifts) and not invite them to the wedding.

Okay see that’s what my understanding was. But then people started asking me questions about it and I started second guessing what I thought I knew. Thanks ladies!

If people know you are having a smaller sized wedding if I don’t see anything wrong with inviting others to your pre celebrations
It’s just another way for others to be involved in celebrating!
My opinion is don’t listen to the “its extremely rude” people on here.... if a family friend wanted to celebrate you they’ll be happy to do so at your wedding or a pre wedding party, send thank you notes, show your gratitude.... it’s your wedding invite who you want! The people that love you will understand!

View Quoted Comment Aw thanks so much Mallory! We have time before invites need to be sent so I’m not stressing *anyone’s* comments, I’m just super new to all this wedding etiquette so I love to get the opinions!!

It sends mix signals and could lead to hurt feelings especially the shower. Save money by not having an engagement party and invite a few more to wedding. Just a suggestion.

View Quoted Comment I’m not throwing my own engagement or bridal, so that wouldn’t change the wedding budget

It's definitely rude to invite people to pre-wedding parties that aren't invited to the wedding--it gets trickier when they offer to throw a party. Technically, anyone can host a shower for you, but it might be a good idea to let them know that, due to budget and spacial constraints, they won't be invited prior to them deciding to throw you a shower.

Additionally, just as a heads up, 100 people is not a small wedding. That's pretty medium-sized. I only say this because I've had clients (I work in the wedding industry) that have posted pictures from their 110-person wedding, and get absolutely ripped apart in social media comments/direct messages about how "it didn't look small" and people "can't believe THEY weren't invited." Awful humans, tbh, but if you have 100-or-so people in a picture, people with "fight" you on "limited space." 100-150 is about medium/average for modern times.

View Quoted Comment Yeah it pretty much is understood to be on the smaller side in my culture, but I can see that happening with people of other backgrounds. It’s not uninvited people who are throwing the parties, I only made that point based on budget in the sense that I can’t save money by not throwing one of the parties in order to have a bigger wedding.


It was an older lady who originally made one of these comments and the context was that I got engaged then saw her at a function and she said “I won’t be at the wedding, but you’ll have a bridal shower I can go to that!” As in she was excited for me and to celebrate, but didn’t expect an invite because we’re only close through her daughter.
So with it being an older lady who has had her own wedding, 2 daughters weddings, and been to many others, I wasn’t sure if I was wrong to think it’d be rude to invite people to the pre wedding stuff who are not going to the wedding.

It sounds like those people are probably expecting or hoping for a wedding invite. I’m from Pennsylvania, USA, and here it’s very rude to invite someone to a pre-wedding event and not the wedding. It makes it seem like you’re just in it for presents and don’t care about the people involved. If these people are older, they will likely feel especially hurt as older generations tend to be more traditional. Although you don’t host the events, you are supposed to the one providing the guest list. That’s also why it’s good to follow the rule of not talking about the wedding with people who will not be invited. Your culture may be different but be careful.

The bride does not throw a shower for herself. Some female friend, whether or not she is in the wedding party, or a close female family member, alone or more often with others, offers to give you a shower. And that person or small group of hostesses decide how many people to have, according to their budget, and what type of shower ( home or venue, desserts or light supper or tea) . Then they ask you for a list of women who you feel are closest friends or family, who are invited to the wedding. A shower gift is a second, smaller gift than the wedding gift. It is considered rude for your friends or family who are close enough to be invited to the wedding, to expect someone not close enough to be invited, to get you a gift to present at the shower. The only alternate kind of shower is one separate from the wedding guests. If a group of the bride's friends, none of them invited to the wedding ( or hardly any), like co-workers, or a church group, or a sports or dance group, or your neighborhood ladies, volunteer to give a shower where members of the group bring small gifts, or a collection is taken and one or a few gifts are purchased, plus they buy refreshments for all, that is fine. Standard etiquette is that you do not talk about an event people are invited to, in front of those not invited. For those hostesses, invited, to send an invitation, please come bring a gift for a bride who does not think you close enough ( or worth spending money on) to invite you to her wedding, would be offensive. So if someone from church or whatever wants to get others not going together, and have a separate shower, they are free to do so. Go and have a good time. But the invited friends should not be asking them to showers for guests.

If they know they are not invited and still insist on coming why not invite them. The ones that aren't invited and dont know please dont invite them unless you explain to them due to finicial reasons you are keeping in very small/or due to venue we are keeping it small so I wont be able to invite you to the wedding.