Bridal shower if eloping due to covid

Typically neither of these scenarios would work etiquette-wise, but in the times of covid, I think it's fine to have the shower before the private ceremony as long as everyone is aware that they won't be invited to the actual wedding. It would be odd to have it next year when you've been married for a year.

If everyone involved, starting with those hosting, knows they are not going to be invited to the actual wedding where you take vows, but will be invited to the reception in a year, then nothing in etiquette says no.
Etiquette rules are designed to minimize misunderstandings, and smooth over actual or possible points of friction, where someone would end up feeling or actually being hurt ( which includes financially, paying for things not expected ). Because showers, unlike luncheons or tea, are specifically about giving a second gift in addition to the wedding gift, usually for the home, or for bride's trousseau or hobbies, they are reserved for the closest friends and family only, the only ones who presumably would want to give a 2nd gift and be there to see it opened.
And the assumption is that anyone that close, would surely be invited to the wedding. Or, if the couple chooses not to invite them whether finances or other reasons, it is assumed that this may cause genuine hurt feelings. Not being miffed, real hurt. So it is not seen as polite, or right, to ask them for gifts in addition to the wedding gift. But there has always been a second type of allowable shower, of two varieties. When a subgroup of the bride's friends all know that they are not invited, get together with that understanding. And they decide they want to give a separate shower, not with those invited ( which might cause bad feelings) , and never thrown by WP or family of bride who will be there** and generally giving gifts of much less value ( and often no wedding gift to follow.) This may be coworkers, sports team, high school friends or club, old hometown neighbors, current neighbors. ........In poster's case, provided the respective hostesses will not be at the small private wedding themselves, they call and talk to every prospective shower guest, and explain that since the couple has decided on a very limited small private wedding due to Covid, with a reception in a year for others, a group of friends also not going to the wedding ceremony itself, would like to give a shower anyway. And ask, would you like to participate at this time, with us? If so, we will send you an invitation.This gets around the Etiquette problems. No one is getting a shower invitation months ahead, and being led to believe a wedding invitation is coming. The hostesses keep this to themselves, so no one knows who says not interested, not other guests, not the bride, not bride's family, so there is no feeling of obligation, or that people will think less of them, only that if they give shower or other gifts, it will be later at reception time. And everyone at the shower is in the same situation, no haves and have nots, people invited alongside those not, an etiquette no-no in any situation .**The other groups of not invited to wedding, but to shower, are family. When whole extended female family of the groom and some family friends have a shower to meet the bride, those not invited to the wedding all contributing very small amounts for 1 or 2 gifts, while MOB or sisters attending may give a usual shower size gift. Or if bride has far distant family, whom she will visit once in the 6 months before the wedding, but who will not be expected to travel, a hardship, not invited for this reason only. ( I had family in Finland and Greenland whom the 4 of us brides all marrying in 4 months were all invited as GOH. We each lived with them for a period of time, plus visited.) Before planes, and even now where there is great expense, this shower is like a second reception for distant people, where attending a shower or wedding would be a burden, not a good thing.I know people who have had showers for their 4 aunts and grandmother and great aunts in nusi g homes in NY or Florida, because they could not travel for a shower or wedding. They asked bride to come to their shower, so, no issue of them feeling hurt.

Hi Erin,

I think you should do what is best for your and your partner! If your friends/family volunteer to through you a shower regardless of being invited, I don't see any harm in this.

I'm excited to hear what you decide!

Sending lots of love your way!

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I agree. Also, if these people are invited to the party afterwards then they are still included. I feel that things are different due to COVID-19 but just make the plans clear to those attending that you plan to elope. Real friends will understand and those that do not can choose to not come.

Due what you feel. If the family/friend who is throwing it understands the situation then why not have it. But may I ask why the elopement. In September I feel like you will be able to host a church or outdoor wedding. You don't have to do the reception this year but 50 people would be ok in September to attend a wedding.