Bridal shower without a registry

If she refuses to register, then don't throw a shower. You're right to feel uncomfortable asking guests for money, it's rude. Showers are unnecessary.

You send her here and let us convince her why a honeyfund is rude.

I don't think people that register for just cash should get a shower.

The whole point of a shower is for physical gifts. I would decline to host a shower. You could have like a luncheon or brunch in her honor to celebrate but not call it a shower and not include the honey fund on the invite.

Don't ask for money on the invite. If people ask you where she's registered, you can just say she's not. If they come they'll decide whether to bring a physical gift, gift card, or cash. I wouldn't plan on the gifts being a big part of the shower.

I would tell her that as much as I care for her, I would not be soliciting cash gifts for a shower. If she doesn't want physical gifts, she has the option of not having a shower.

You could suggest a honeymoon theme for the shower, where she would get honeymoon related gifts that might be of use to her.

I agree with you that it's really rude and poor taste to ask for money as a present. You could make her shower some sort of theme like her honeymoon/travel to get her things she will need for the trip without a registry.

You should go on the honeymoon you can afford, not the one you want.

Showers can be such a fun custom! A wonderful chance for the womenfolk to all meet! Moms, grandmothers, aunts, cousins, girlfriends. It's a nice chance for families to be introduced to one another and wedding guests to meet the family.

No to the honeymoon fund, but a theme? Lingerie? Back in the old days, we did kitchen showers or a "clock" shower - bring a gift for the hour of the day you are assigned. It's not just to shower the bride (or bridal couple) with gifts but also your love and support. Good luck!

By the way, I had a chance to buy an experience for a bridal couple for their honeymoon as a wedding gift. Options of horseback riding, a couple massage - that sort of thing. They already had their island honeymoon scheduled and weren't sure of their future housing but it sounded small. I enjoyed giving that option.

Thank you all for the feedback! We will have a chat tomorrow :-)

I hope it goes smoothly Robin!

Tell her to go register for a few things. You can always upgrade towels, pots and pans and such. She can put a handful of small things and people can buy those and if the want to get her money they can. No registry, no shower.

Sorry Mrs.B - I actually think it's rude to force someone to register or get them physical items (pots/pans/towels/glasses) when they specifically do NOT want those items. She's happy with what she has, and people are going to give her things she doesn't want, force her to find storage for it and clutter her home.

OP, if you're no comfortable with a honeyfund shower, definitely let the bride know how you feel and I'm sure you guys can find a solution together - like a no-registry shower/party thing.

View Quoted Comment No one should be "forced" to have a registry, but if she wants a shower, there are certainly some things she could upgrade in her home and then donate whatever she is replacing. A "shower" is literally meant to shower the bride with gifts for her new life. If she doesn't need those things, then she shouldn't have one. Also, plenty of people (mostly in older generations) think it is tacky to give $ at all (for a shower OR a wedding) and she is guaranteed to be getting some gifts she doesn't want/need that will "clutter her home" if she doesn't register.

If a bride doesn't want physical gifts, then no shower should be given, thus no "clutter" around her house. By the way, I'd never give her cash because I'd hate to "clutter" her bank account.

Thanks everyone! We discussed it and she is registering.

Wow! I am all for these wedding honeymoon new house etc gifting. I see so many brides (myself, my sisters, and now my nieces) setting up registries and getting too much stuff that sits in closets or cabinets and go unused. Cash is a “GIFT” and I want the option to give cash if they need it. How great is it to know that you helped them have a nice honeymoon or put a down payment on a new home or helped furnish a new home or apartment.
when registries First started back in the 80s, you heard these same comments about how rude it was to tell guests what you needed/wanted. And, now this new digital fund is a new and great opportunity for couples.

View Quoted Comment No.
First of registries started before the 80's.
Secondly, cash is not something you need to ask for. It's a given that it is an acceptable gift, in nearly all cultures, since gifting for wedding became a thing. There is ZERO need to ask.
Guests decided to start the wedding gift trend. Not the opposite. Couples didn't just one day decide to start telling their guests a gift was required to attend their wedding.
If couples are just so tired of getting useless homegoods, perhaps it's time for the gifting trend to retire.

Jamie - I am replying to Robin who asked about not having a registry for bridal shower and I said cash is acceptable gift. What’s your point here?

View Quoted Comment Agreed, I personally just give cash at every event. A mutual friend is getting married and she had a bridal shower registry filled with luxury items and very few people purchased from it and opted to give cash instead.

View Quoted Comment Yeah Robin asked about it ... last year.

I think that you should still have a shower if you had a discussion about having one. I think it is nice to get all of the ladies together prior to the wedding to build those relationships and celebrate the newlyweds to be. As for gifts since they don't have a registry, you could do a wishing well, where guests bring cleaning supplies or something small that the couple would use around the house or you could let guest go rouge and buy them things that they didn't register for.

I think the purpose of the shower is showing the couple that you support them and that you want the best for them.