Bridal Shower

View Quoted Comment Exactly. Well said

View Quoted Comment While that is generally a good rule of thumb, etiqutte / what is considered rude does change. Referring to couples as "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's First & Last Name" is traditional etiquette. What is the reason that rule might exist other than tradition? I certainly don't see how it's out of politeness (formality, yes; politeness, no), and in fact many people now consider this particular piece of etiqutte rude. So etiqutte does change.


Regarding bridal showers, this thread has been eye opening for me. I legitimately didn't know it was considered rude to be involved in planning your own shower. I thought it was a party to enjoy with close friends and family that happens to include gifts? Reading through the comments, I see where people are coming from, but how is this different than planning your own birthday party? Seriously asking, I honestly did not know this.

Look, anymore these days, "traditional" is just THAT. But we've come looooong way from traditional. Nowadays, people do what they want, how they want and if other people have a problem with it, it's just that - their problem. I say do what you want. If you're more comfortable helping to plan, and even contributing financially to YOUR shower, do your thing and don't let anyone tell you differently. The ONLY thing that matters is you and your family/friends. I bet your friends will be happy for the input and knowing that you're getting what YOU want. The way things "used to" be is out of the window anymore and people are making their own rules. You do you, Boo Boo. I am, in some ways, traditional and in some ways not. I don't want or need a bridal shower or a bachelorette party. Does that make me wrong. NOPE. It makes me different, but different isn't wrong. It's just different. Do what makes YOU comfortable surrounding YOUR wedding because YOU and your FH are all that matters. Good luck and have fun, Hon.

View Quoted Comment Maybe to clarify things. There are two kinds of parties ( other than bachelorettes) commonly done with the bride, and female friends and family. One is fine if done by or with the bride. The other, is considered extremely rude if done by a bride. A shower is specifically to have every person very close to you, bring you a second present in addition to the wedding present. Since not just at weddings, but always, birthdays, graduations, baby showers etc, men or women, it is considered selfish and rude to have a party so you can collect gifts for yourself, it is considered rude for a bride to have any part in planning a shower for herself. And often brides who say I don't care, I'll do it anyway, find that the shower planned for 30-50 has 5-10, or only 2 attendees. And is the subject of nasty gossip about how greedy and self-centered, and such. It becomes a humiliation, often.
....The second tradition which is perfectly fine for others to do, but also for a bride to do, is not called a shower, because there are no gifts involved. Some places it is called a bridal social, or bridal luncheon, or bridal Tea ( meaning light supper of little sandwiches and apps, desserts, and beverages.)
No presents, just games, or being sociable as at any party. Sometimes there is a non- present focus, like everyone bringing a favorite recipe to make a notebook of recipes. Or everyone brings a picture of themselves and the B-to-be, or a memento from something they did together. These may be made into a memory book, or used as the center of a game. Not uncommonly, if the party was planned with some friends, not an every person brings a present shower, the others take a small collection, limited to $ 3-5 each, for one group gift, usually for the bride herself, not the home. Rather like the one group gift at a work shower or other shower given by a group of bride's friends from a team, a choir, hiking club, or other bunch not invited to the wedding. Fairly often, I have seen clues planted before such a party, so a game is made of the bride going on a scavenger hunt, or a game of Charades. Clue to clue is read aloud, often including funny things or memories, or acted out, til at last she gets her gift, or a key to a box it is in, whatever. But although there is one collective gift, it is a very small amount per person, so the bride does not participate in the collection, everyone does not have to give, and it is not seen as the bride getting gifts for herself. These parties had become less common, but in the last 5 years or so have steadily been on the rise again amongst people I know. Sometimes when a shower given for only friends or only family happens far from where the bride currently lives, or the only shower or showers are small, home or small restaurant ones of 8-25 or so, a Tea or social is given by the bride and others for the fun of the party, not gifts. And those not close enough to be expected to give a second gift, like girlfriends of FIs friends, and coworker women, can be there alongside very close people, with no issues about gifts. ... So, if you are really talking a Shower, everyone brings a gift, that is still rude in principle, collecting gifts for yourself. But if you want a social or bridal luncheon or tea or similar party, not with individual gifts, do not call it a shower, and give it yourself or with the help of mom and bridesmaids. And that is good manners by traditional or current standards.

Girl. Do what you want. Traditional etiquette says someone else throws it for you, but there are plenty of ways you can circumvent tradition and make it about community! If you want to contribute to the place and assist decorating do it. I'd suggest maybe asking your MOH to be the 'official party thrower' and coordinate invites with your input, and be the host of the day. You can also find things that are less gift oriented to do. It's a mini celebration before your wedding. You can have people help with decorations as a freaking crafting activity. It all depends on the culture and relationships you share with your guests!