Bridal Shower/bachelorette Parties - When matron of honor backs out on hosting

Is it already planned? If so, I'd say yeah that's fine to just go through with the plans and do it without her. If it isn't planned yet, maybe ask one of your other bridesmaids if they're willing to do something?

Yes. You should not host your own shower or bach party. If someone doesn't host it for you, you just don't have one. You can however ask her if she has talked to the bridesmaids, maybe see if they can host but either way, I would never want to have a party that my MOH couldn't attend assuming she didn't offer any other dates....

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Not planned yet. I have a small bridal party. Just matron of honor and 1 bridesmaid. I thought about asking my bridesmaid. I think I will go that route since I'm not crazy about hosting my own bachelorette party.

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Thanks for the advice! No, she did not offer up any other dates. I knew it would not look good for me to host my own parties lol.

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Is it possible that she cannot afford to host it and just doesn't want to tell you? Have you and her talked about what you wanted, what activities, where etc? So many questions lol. It is strange that nothing is planned but she is already giving you the excuse was that she can't take off work. Will she be unable to take off for the wedding?

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She is taking off for the wedding for sure. We were planning on doing something in April during her Spring break (she is a teacher), but we realized it was during Easter weekend. Then she realized she is booked the rest of the weekends in April. I may ask my 1 bridesmaid if we can plan something. My MOH said she would be totally okay with me planning it without her. Just sucks that she can't attend.

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Oh ok. That is unfortunate but hopefully your bridesmaid can plan something for you. Good luck!!

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Thank you Sherry!!

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I slightly disagree with this. Not fair that she offered and then backed out. I mean if she has life events it is understandable but for you to just not have one is not cool. I would agree to ask the other bridesmaid or if not I do not see why you cannot host something informal like a dinner out for drinks to celebrate the upcoming day. I can see why hosting events in which you are showered with gifts should not be thrown by you but you deserve some kind of celebration. Maybe invite them over your house for a chick flick and some small bites or go out for a night on the town. They do not have to pay but you deserve to celebrate your upcoming day as it is huge. Not everyone has opportunities for people to throw events but it sucks to just not have one. I feel there is always a loophole but that is just me.

My MOH planned my party, but his best man told me that he wasn't interested in spending his money on something like that. Big eye roll! So my MOH and myself arranged one for him. If you want to have fun before your wedding, I don't see a problem with it at all!

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your reply! I do want to celebrate with my friends. I’m not expecting gifts, just want to do dinner and dancing. I feel much better now! Thank you so much. I plan on sending an invite for dinner and dancing

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I plan on sending an invite to friends for dinner and dancing. I want to celebrate!

View Quoted Comment I would too!! Definitely do it! You'll have a blast!

View Quoted Comment Girl yes! I understand that's how I am. I don't need gifts I just want to celebrate with my girls and celebrate that an important day in my life is coming up that is it. Heck I can even pay for myself but I want to have some kind of a celebration and there's nothing wrong with you wanting one too. Unfortunately for your maid of honor unexpected life situation happened. But I'm glad that you are going to at least a little dinner and dancing.

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Agreed. I always thought that it was bad form to throw your own shower because you're expecting gifts. But a bachelorette is just a party with no expectation, especially if the bride is willing to pay for herself. My maids are throwing me a party and I feel badly that they're paying, but they're insisting so I can't say no to that. As long as you're not expecting this one bridesmaid to pay for everything now, I think it's fine! I don't think you're breaking any stringent etiquette. Go and have fun and celebrate!!

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Well said. I think just going out and having a good time with girls is no different then a girls night out. You all deserve to have fun before your big day! LIVE IT UP!

I would definitely take it upon myself to have a night out with dinner and some drinks with close friends!! you should celebrate before your big day!!