Bridal Shower/registry Advice??

If you’re having a traditional bridal shower, you should really register for household items and you can also register for some of those things you mentioned like bath salts and robes. Registries can be upgrades/extras of things you already own. You can also do a recipe shower- everyone brings a recipe and the non-perishable ingredients to that recipe. There’s no way to tell people what they should be giving you for a gift. If you don’t want physical gifts, you really shouldn’t have a shower.

People will naturally bring physical gifts to showers, as that is the point of a shower- to “shower” the couple with a gifts for the home that will help them when they are first starting out as a married couple. There is really no polite way to tell people not to bring gifts to a gift-giving event. I would either create a small registry for your shower of items that you need or need upgrades on, or I would not have a shower at all (you could do a non-giftgiving luncheon instead, and still include the games).

Agreed with Sarah, if you want a shower you should register for physical gifts, even if it’s not the traditional stuff. A shower is to “shower the bride with gifts”. If you don’t have a registry guests will bring something you don’t want.
Your other options are to just have a brunch, and don’t call it a shower, or just don’t have it at all and guests will give money at the wedding.

Agree with PP. If you don't want physical gifts then I wouldn't have a shower. In my experience, things like lingerie, bath salts, perfumes, lotions, etc. are not appropriate shower gifts either because those are just for the bride--shower gifts are generally household items that the couple can use in their home, not personal care items just for the bride. If you want a shower and have everything you need, then I would create a registry with upgrades that you want, or else you will end up with random household gifts.

The cash registry on the Knot is perfectly acceptable for your wedding but not for a shower. As a guest, I usually give a physical registry gift for the shower and a monetary gift for the wedding.

Not having a shower is not really an option for me; my family is insisting on throwing one and I am not against it as I want an opportunity to gather with all of my relatives and enjoy games/food/etc. My fiancé and I just bought and moved into a new home last month and don’t need upgrades on anything, we have literally everything we need regarding household items and just recently upgraded things as we moved into our new home. I’m not really looking for advice on whether or not to have the shower or whether or not to register for household items; rather I am asking how to convey what I want to guests to avoid getting household items without stepping on toes.

I currently have an insert designed to go out with my bridal shower invite that says:


“Should you wish to bring a gift, please bring something small to pamper the bride or something for her to use on her honeymoon! Regarding wedding gifts, the couple has a registry for their honeymoon at: <insert cash registry link>.”
Also included on this card are my sizes. Is this appropriate/does it get the right message across?

View Quoted Comment You wouldn’t include anything about wedding gifts with a shower invitation- it should include information about the shower only.

One of my friends had a bridal luncheon (in lieu of a shower) last month, as she didn’t need anything for their home (she also has cash fund registry). She included a link to her wedding website on the invite (ie “For more details on wedding-related events....), and on the website FAQ page is where she mentioned that household items or other gifts were not needed. She did, however, still receive a few gifts, as some guests still wanted to give a physical gift at both the bridal luncheon and wedding.

"How do I communicate that without sounding entitled or like I am asking for money/gifts?"

But... you are asking for money... There's no way around that other than creating a traditional registry.

My fiance and I will have lived together for over 2 years at the time of our wedding, so instead of some of the traditional items, we put things like shelves and small home projects we've wanted to do (cans of paint, rugs, mirrors, gift cards to home depot/lowes), we're 3/4 of the way done renovating our basement so we also put stuff like bar glasses and we're doing a "stock the bar" shower for our friends where they bring a bottle of liquor (versus the traditional shower that his mom is throwing).

A shower where you only want money isn't a shower, it's a cash grab.

View Quoted Comment No this isn’t appropriate. The weddings gifts shouldn’t be mentioned at all on a shower invite. I suppose the line about things to pamper yourself with is okay if included, but if your crowd is traditional I’d still expect a lot of household items.

Registry info should only be given by word of mouth, not in any invitations. They will ask you and your parents where you are registered and they take the information from there.



Think of a registry as a wish list of stuff you want and need but would never spend your own money on. What do you see while wandering through Target or other stores that would be nice but you don’t want to spend money on? Put that on the registry. Do you and fiancé have shared hobbies? Do you entertain guests or travel together? If you don’t have a registry then you will get a ton of items, usually personalized with Mr and Mrs, that you don’t want and can’t return anywhere. Don’t automatically assume that no registry means a monetary gift because many social circles only give physical gifts for both the shower and wedding and cash is not gifted.

There are some people who want a certain blender for example they saw when out and about. Instead of putting the blender on a registry, they will ask for or expect cash so they can purchase it themselves, with the assumption that guests won’t buy the correct brand/model/style. That’s why registries are specific with the actual item only listed.
Also there is etiquette for showers. For example, the closest circle of the bride is invited. The groom’s side may host one of their own. Because it is a gift giving event, it’s considered impolite to host your own.

Alot of the current generation is trying to eliminate showers in general. Some love them and others don’t. Older relatives and friends will be confused if there isn’t one and will host one themselves for you. They are for physical items only. If you don’t register or you want cash only, then a shower doesn’t serve a purpose. Those attending the shower may or may not buy a second smaller gift. Some circles do, some don’t. It varies by person because it’s individual preference.
Shower gifts from the registry are what you and fiancé will be using together in your new home. Lingerie showers are pretty rare on their own and often combined with the bachelorette party if there is one. So there’s no need to stress that a group from your house of worship is going to embarrass you in that way.

OP, what if you create an Amazon registry and populate it with pampering items? Then you wouldn’t need to list your sizes, etc. I’m not fussed about including a link to a registry with the shower invite—I’ve literally never been invited to a baby or bridal shower where that info wasn’t included on or with the invite.
Regarding your thoughts on the cash/honeymoon registry (which I would only put on your wedding website—I do think it would be super rude to put it on your shower invite)—people are going to gift how they traditionally gift. If that’s a physical gift for the shower and money for the wedding or physical gifts for both, no wording suggestion from you will change that.

If you want to make a registry with physical gifts, you could always put just small items that your and your fiancé would like, like board games. My fiance and I are getting married in December, so we actually have Christmas decorations on one of our registries.
You could also maybe put physical things you and your fiancé might need for your honeymoon, like mini, reusable shampoo bottles or small travel bags for toiletries.