Bride Forcing Ugly Bridesmaid Dresses! - What Should i Do / Say?

Sadly it does take some events where you see who people truly are. Some brides reall get into the day and forget it is one day but how they treat people can make a lasting impression. Kind of like the experience you had with your one friend. I am so grateful for any help my MOH is giving me and I am going to make sure she knows I appreciate her as I do not want her to think otherwise. I am so sorry about this but hopefully things work out for the best. Keep us posted. Sending positive vibes.

I would tell her that you are uncomfortable spending that level of money on a dress. If she originally told you you would have a choice of dresses and that color, length, and material were your only requirements, you agreed to be a part of her wedding under the assumption that the cost of the dress would be within your control because there were only three requirements, of which there was a wide range of options, styles, prices, etc. The dresses being ugly don't even really matter, because even if they were gorgeous chances are several involved expected to be able to buy a $100 dress that met the requirements, not a $300 one. The fact that the dresses are ugly and unflattering makes spending a lot of money even more unpalatable, but the truth is if you were expecting to spend less and could only afford less, the cost itself is a huge barrier no matter what the dress actually looks like.

No one should go broke just to be in a wedding, so if you all cannot afford what the bride wants then you need to tell her that. She can become a bridezilla about if she wants, but if she truly values you as her friends and wants you involved, she should be able to compromise. If not, then you aren't losing anything by dropping out of the wedding.

Just tell her the truth about the dress & tell her that she told yall that yall can pick out yall own dresses at first and ask what made her change her mind.

Hi Renee,

First I must say I am so sorry you have experienced this. I would definitely have a heart to heart conversation with her (all of you) and express your thoughts and feelings regarding this change of attire and funds. My believe is unless finances had been revisited once the bride elected to do things differently, then she the bride should be ready to deal with the backlash of her choices. The bride should have consulted with you all. $300 is a bit steep for bridesmaid dresses without hearing each person budget. In addition to expecting a "LAVISH" Bridal shower & Bachelorette party.

I can only speak for myself, but if I were placed in the position as you are all in as I stated early a serious conversation needs to be had. I would have to rethink being a party of her bridal party since she lacks respect for her so-called- friends/family. If it were ME, as much as I would love to be her bridesmaid I would have drop the position due to the changes/challenges of the financial constraints. I may be late replying if so my apologies. Again, just my thoughts. My friends know I am not the one. And in saying this, because I know what look I want for my my ladies and the expectations I desire- I am paying for my maid of honor dress $600+ and my bridesmaid dresses $ 235.00X3. They are responsible for their shoes and the only requirement I have asked is that their shoes are silver with straps. This is a suggestion to talk to her about or if not Bride pay half of each of your dresses. There is a compromise for you all. As for the ugly dress if it were reasonable cost and that is what she wanted you all to wear, then do it. But not $300 for an ugly, ill-fitted gown. My friend have that conversation and fast, Good Luck!!

Meghan 100% correct! that is craziness. This is what they call Bridezilla.

I tried to have a phone conversation with her today, but she is very set in her ways and stubborn with ZERO regard for anybody's finances. She told me to put it on credit card! I had to hang up the phone on her halfway!

You are a very reasonable bride, paying for your MOH and bridesmaids, there's nothing wrong with wanting certain dresses/looks but you aren't imposing your will on your bridal party! Wish more brides were like that.

I'll update everyone once it's all said and done as I am dropping out this coming weekend in person.

Thanks for your response Pia!

Hi Kari,

I am meeting up with her next weekend to hand over some items of hers in person so at that time, I will be dropping out of the wedding.

Sadly she can not be reasoned with and tried to guilt trip me over the phone today to pay the money, she didn't want to hear about what I had to say at all. I am just sad to find out her true colors and she doesn't value my friendship/opinions or respect my limits.

Oh that is too bad, but you are definitely making the right call. Sorry you are going through this and hopefully the bride realizes the error in her ways before she loses all her friends.

If you're not happy then explain it to her regarding why. If it's a problem then just be a guest rather than a bridesmaid for her. You'll still be supportive regardless.

That could not be me if I were in the bridal party. I really do feel your frustration. THINK hard about what you need to do and if this is worth the undue stress.

I think the main issue is cost. In my opinion (as a bridesmaid), I couldn't care less what the bridesmaids dress looks like as long as the bride is happy. But cost is a factor that should be discussed with the bridesmaids. I'd text her individually or in the group text and tell her you can't afford that dress and only budgeted X amount because you thought you could pick your own dress.

That's my issue as well, the cost for sure and her being very entitled we pay regardless.

Not to victim blame, but has the bride previously been a bridesmaid in many other weddings -- even, perhaps, your own? Maybe I'm just triggered, but I've heard countless bridesmaid complaints from former brides who literally did not brook any input when it was their own wedding -- bride-tatorships, not bride-tocracies -- yet are utterly bewildered when such "bridezilla-esque" behavior is exhibited by others/directed towards them. (I hate that term, and am only using it here as an imperfect catchall term for bride-centrism--aka the "bride's big day"/"bride's special day"/"it's all about the bride" mentality and behavior that flows therefrom.) I don't think such brides are explicitly motivated by payback (perhaps for a $400 lime green one-shouldered taffeta dress still hanging in the back of her closet?), but rather feel their prior bridesmaids' experiences give them a blank check to disregard wedding party feelings, input, concerns, cost, etc. (or any potential bridezilla boogey-man) since no such consideration was given to them when she was wearing the ugly bridesmaid shoes. Important note: once this has mentality has metastasized, it applies regardless whether the particular bridesmaid was actually responsible for said lime green monstrosity; it's applied at the organizational rather than individual level. So... if any of the above rings familiar, I hope ya look good in daffodil-colored satin and have a "[insert bride's name here] wedding savings account" with a > $3k balance for all bridesmaid-related costs!