Bride price/Dowry

In my culture, the parents expect grandchildren right after the wedding.

Ha! OhHeyItsIna, that's true. Mine asked at the bridal shower when we were going to start having them.

ice fire, general American culture there is no price or dowry.

Lol @....itsIna I know my mom can't wait to have those and neither can I!

@Jess08 so what symbolises being 'given' away? It's kinda strange.

Usually a brides parents will walk her to the groom to give her away at the start of the ceremony.

@Ice fire generally the man is to ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage. He gets a yes and then the father usually walks the bride down the isle and "gives her away" to the groom.

SN: this does not always happen but generally that's the idea

Hehe Yeah my fiancé has to give one too, we are Asian. This payment often will be asked by relatives and family so it is a status thing, if it is too low then it sounds like the groom or his family is poor and you know if you have competitive siblings or cousins they will often try to beat the other person's number. If your parents are modest they won't tell what the amount is so it is all about just doing it because they felt awkward without it. My mom gave me 3k towards jewelry but I didn't want it just because I rather they use the money towards retirement. We will likely give back the same number plus finance's contribution towards the dowry.

It's lovely to hear about all the different cultures and traditions. FH better be glad our culture does not require a dowry lol my dad would probably ask for some outrageous amount.

OMG that's a lot lol yeah..... guess FH and I wouldn't be getting married anytime soon LOL

Ice fire, to me there is no giving away as stated before parents will walk the bride down the aisle, which now seems to be more a symbolic transitioning from daughter to wife, but I think in our culture we don't have this real "giving" away anymore. You can't give what you don't own. I live on my own, pay my own bills, paid for my education and such. My family isn't giving me away, and my parents are divorced. My brother is walking me down the aisle after my mother asked him to without consulting me. otherwise I would have walked myself down the aisle as my own person. My brother is so excited to escort me that I don't have the heart to tell him no. My FH didn't ask for permission to marry me.

Do the brides parents usually use the dowry toward the wedding, or do they keep it for themselves? These traditions are interesting to hear about. I'm dumping all the "bride is property" and "parents give her away" mentality, no matter how vague. I've been paying my own way since I was a freshman in high school, and am not close to my parents. They are part of the ceremony, but are not walking me down the aisle or anything. FH didn't ask my dads permission either, and I was okay with that.

GypsyBride...wow seriously!? Wow, Although for my culture we literally just bounce money back and forth during the wedding. ie. Parents gift of jewelry to Bride, Groom's dowry to Parents, Parents gift to couple upon Tea ceremony, Couple's gift back to parents. My partner and I kind of felt it was silly like we were pushing and forth the same money to each other.

I need to set a price. Sounds good to me.

I wonder if any brides have eschewed this kind of tradition? Unfortunately in India, the practice of parents paying dowrys to their daughters' groom and his family have had devastating consequences, with brides being murdered in staged "accidents" so that the groom's family could then wed him to another woman and get an additional dowry

In Jewish tradition, the bride is traditionally supposed to bring a dowry of 100 silver pieces if she is unmarried, or 50 silver pieces if she is divorced or widowed. However, the groom is supposed to add an equal amount, and the total is to be paid to the wife on the husband's death, or if he divorces her. No one knows exactly what 100 silver pieces is today, but apparently it was originally chosen as being about equal to a year's salary for the average man. The theory was that it would give her a year to find either another husband or a job if her marriage ended. It was one of the first traditions to give any protection to married women.

Wow @GypsyBride, that's a lot of money!

@Jess, tho the traditions are getting flexible with civilisation and all, we still gold on to a few traditions like this. I've lived by myself in a diff state than my parents and I have been financially independent for over 5 yrs but my parents will have to give me 'away' and collect a bride price for me.

@trena, my dad gave my cousin back the bride price to do whatever she pleases(he raised her and she honoured him as a father). I feel it will be same with me but my dad gives us out really cheap ($100) cz he says he isn't selling his daughters and all that.

@ icefire this is the same in my culture as well. But my father isn't expecting a lot of money. considering my FH and I are both paying for our wedding ourselves, we are coming up with a certain amount and FH will offer this to my Dad and the elders. My dad stated he will only take a portion of the money and return the rest to FH.

@hotchocolate sounds just like ours. May I ask where you are from? I am Nigerian.

Very interesting to hear about. My FH did ask my Dad's permission, but my dad loved FH and it was a moment for them to bond & for my dad to tell FH what a great husband and father he'll be. My dad has now passed and my mom is walking me down the aisle. I'm an independent woman but I do like the traditional wording of "who gives this woman" ... I mean, she made me!

Same thing, but I'm disowned and like heck we're paying my stepfather a bunch of money! I consider myself American first, and Hmong second so I see the bride price as an outdated thing that's really more of my parents' culture than mine. I believe I am my own person and no one owns me to make a profit off of selling me off. DH didn't ask for permission either. Our vows had some traditional stuff like in sickness and in health part, but there was no "who gives this woman". My mother's husband "bought" me with my mom when they got married, and I heard so much about how he paid $1500 for me and I was worth less than this and that blah blah blah. It turned me off the whole thing.

FI is from the Middle East, so our family and friends joke about however many camels I'm worth... but we're actually pretty modern.

It's supposed to be that the bride's parents pay for the wedding (and trousseau), but FI is actually footing pretty much all of the bill... completely unorthodox over here.