Bride who doesn't care

I understand where everyone is coming from, but it's just so complicated.


So she has told me that her and her fiance haven't really been planning so she needs me to help her plan it. They broke up for a couple months and got engaged once again just on 1/1/21 and I didnt know this until yesterday. So at this point idk if she wants to get married and maybe that's why she's acting like this?
She had all of these plans and ideas for what she wanted, but now she doesn't care. Her whole attitude changed about it. And it's bothering me that she's putting this pressure on me but yet doesn't care about making decisions herself. I told her that I can't plan her wedding, but ill help where I can, but she expects more from me that what I'm able to give.
I just dont want her to get mad at me when her wedding ends up being a total disaster and then blame ME for it. I gave her lists of things she needs to do to help her, but she doesn't use them. She did at one point, but now she doesn't care.
I'm going to just let her do her own thing and focus on my own wedding like you guys all suggested. I'm just worried it's going to blow up in my face and she decides to back out of my wedding because I didn't help her enough.

Hi Anna,

I agree with what everyone else said. It's not your responsibility. You have to set boundaries and if she were to get mad at you for how her wedding turns out that would be super immature and just wrong.

But even before I read your last post, I wanted to write that as a good friend you shouldn't be concerned about how her wedding turns out but be concerned about how she is doing. And honestly that doesn't sound good. I've read many times that not wanting to plan could be a sign of seriously cold feet. But maybe there is also something else going on that's overwhelming to her (small budget, covid, parents, who knows).

Have a heart to heart with her why she is acting this way. Don't bombard her with planning stuff but have a listening ear and try to help her figuring out what is going on inside.
Also, I feel there can be competition between two good friends who are getting married shortly after each other. Just be a good friend and listener, give her the emotional support she needs. You are her friend not her party planner.

I would totally just focus on your wedding. It’s obvious she doesn’t care bout your feelings or frustration or anyone else’s for that matter. I honestly feel like she doesn’t care because she really don’t want to get married. A wedding is always a woman’s pride & joy! Our time to shine. For it her it seems to be a burden she doesn’t want.

View Quoted Comment It sounds to me like she has lost enthusiasm about her marriage. Been there and it sucks. I'm sorry for her.


But yeah, plan your own wedding. If she backs out of yours, oh well. Not a big deal.

View Quoted Comment Completely agree with this

You're creating your own stressors.


Stop giving her lists
Stop worrying about her wedding
Stop planning her wedding
Stop bringing up her wedding
Your only obligation is to wear the correct dress, walk down the aisle, and smile for pictures. If she doesn't give you enough direction in time, that's on her

View Quoted Comment Oh dear lord that's frustrating. So we have three of us getting married in 2022. I'm the only one who didn't have an issue finding a venue cause we are getting married on a Tuesday, and we already put our deposit down because we didn't wanna lose our dream venue. My co-worker and my good friend who are getting married on Saturdays had to jump on reservating the venues now as most are now booking all the way out in 2023. I would suggest taking your significant other with you to a venue and ask what their availabilities look like. If he is so lacks it's probably because he doesn't know how quickly dates book out. And venues are not like hotels you can't just go book them a month in advance. Most places I've been to will charge you a rush fee and you will be limited on things you can and can't have then.

View Quoted Comment The only actions you can control are your own. If she is such a good friend you should be able to sit down with her an explain how you are feeling and how your worried this will ruin your friendship. A good friends should have open lines of communications. Honestly sounds like they should hire a wedding planner. You are her maid of honor not a wedding planner she needs to remember this. There are many things you can't do for them because your just the maid of honor.

View Quoted Comment Oh I told him that I have contacted the venue, and they only have a couple weekend left. Our date is on Monday, but still. He believes it’s pure marketing strategy that they have to say they are mostly booked. And he thinks I am crazy for booking in advance since we don’t know if something would happen in the future and we have to change date. This venue isn’t flexible. You book a date, you pay 50% at booking, if you change, you lose that $2,000 something. I am up and down since he didn’t want to book it yet. Since our last conversation about the venue I either feel so upset and frustrated, or I feel depressed and powerless like “whatever. I might cancel and don’t want it anymore.” from the lack of his effort ☹️

First off it's not your wedding so it's not your problem. It is not yours or anyone else in wedding parties responsible to plan HER WEDDING. The only two people that are responsible and should be planning the wedding is the bride and groom.


She sounds like someone who expects everyone to do everything for her and that she isn't expected to lift a finger.
The only advice I have for you is to stop caring so much about her wedding and definitely 100% stop planning her day. If she truly wants to have a wedding eventually she will step up and plan, but as of right now you are enabling her not to do anything or care because you are doing everything and caring about her wedding.
You don't necessarily need to step down from the wedding just need to step back and worry only about your wedding and only plan your wedding.
Seriously you're doing way to much, I'd never no matter how much I love my friend put that much work and care into her day.

Also if her wedding is a disaster she only has herself to blame. This girl seriously sounds like she needs a reality check. If I was you I'd give her that reality check real quick. You got to stand your ground with her and set her straight. Tell her it's not your or anyone else's responsibility to plan the wedding its only hers and her fiance. And tell her from here on out I'm not planning your wedding. Tell her you got your own wedding to worry about and stress about. Also let her know she isn't being very respectful of your feelings.

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I'm sorry that your feeling this way. I helped coordinator a few different non-for-profit events yearly prior to covid, so my fiancé already knew the grief about not booking a venue soon enough. Wait to long then you are limited on dates, or limited on venues, and you might not get what you want. What about the future is he worried about? Is it everyone still having to wear masks? or government limited capacity? or is it something else? because most venues I spoke with have adopted a pandemic policy for forced government limitations and shot downs.

View Quoted Comment Well, we are having a destination wedding. We had to cancel 4 weeks before our original date, because Hawaii require 14 days quarantine back then, which makes no sense if our total trip was less than 2 weeks, and that time covid testing was huge and results took at least 5 days. Required positive test results is 3 days before the flight. It was just impossible to make us fly and our original venue also had to close due to covid. I mean, we are not having a guest, but we have one minor kid and worried so much about flying before getting vaccinated too. It’s also no fun at all to go somewhere and pretty much everything was closed. The trip isn’t cheap either, so there is no point going when all we do is sitting in expensive hotel room for 14 days and worrying if we gets covid from the flight 😖. Hawaiian Airline gave us 2 years vouchers to rebook our flight, however, it’s 2 years from booking date. We did decide to do it on 2022 instead of 2021, because August 2021 we are not sure we will be already vaccinated. And 2022 would be our 25th anniversary anyway so might as well renewing on our silver wedding anniversary. More special so to speak. So our tickets are rebookable until early Feb 2022. If we go after we all get the vaccine, hopefully this summer/fall, this also means we need to cut budget for 2022, because a family of 6 trip to Hawaii isn’t cheap. But not going means also tossing that almost $4,000 on tickets away. We tried a few times to ask the airline to let us book 2 years base on our original flight date, but they just wouldn’t let us 💔

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That is rough all the way around, and horrible on the airlines part. But here is hoping that by Feb 2022 things are looking even better.

2 things here.......like everyone else said STOP planning her wedding!! If you keep doing it, she will keep letting you, it's time to let her be the adult she is and take the reins. Secondly.....as her friend and MOH I would have a serious heart2heart with her, this actually sounds concerning-what's the REAL issue here? Is she having second thoughts about getting married, didn't really want a wedding etc. And just be honest and tell her that you're happy to help her a little but can't do it all, and be real and tell her that if she doesn't step up the planning that she's going to have a real problem!

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We waited too late on the venue as my FH can be fickle and anal all at the same time. Finally, I put my foot down and said, "this is the date we are booking." Then AFTER we booked, he said, it would've been better to choose this month as the weather will be better and less chance of rain. I said, "well we could've had that month if we hadn't waited so long." Anyway, we're happy with the date we have now, but when we did finally send in the deposit, there was literally only 1 date left in the Spring (we put down our deposit 4.5 months out). So you definitely want to get it locked down sooner if you can (especially if it's a peak wedding month).