Bride with Panic Disorder!!! HELP!

Elope with just your FH?

What about a small wedding or elopement with just your parents and siblings?

I thought about that. But, it would just kill my dad not to walk me down the isle. I already cant have kiddos. so he will never be a grandpa. I have dreamed of him walking me down the isle. I just never thought about the people watching

I would agree that a small wedding with your parents and siblings would be an option to consider. Do you think you'd be comfortable with that group?

He could still walk you down the aisle.

Amanda can you have a really small wedding? Immediate family only. That way your dad and you get that memory but you are not surrounded by tons of people?

I would certainly do a small wedding. At my surprise engagement party I was overwhelmed and had to go hide outside alone for a few minutes partly due to anxiety (which mine is very mild in comparison). And I know that it is only just a small part of the amount of people that will be at my wedding. So I would stick with a small number even do like 30 people and everyone should understand it they are part of your life. I would suggest doing one bridesmaid or no bridesmaids because that is deffinately giving me a ton of stress. At this point my bridesmaids could wear a paper bag I could careless what they wear. though I love them, but receiving 60 notifications about dresses they like I could live with out. So definately the more simple the better. Just doing something small will still spike your anxiety.... And the check list I could go on and on about what gives me anxiety. But truly take care of your self and your needs before anyone else's. Also_ an -Amanda

The cool thing about your wedding is that it is YOUR wedding. I also have a severe anxiety disorder (among many other things -- mental health is fun!) and I eventually came to realize after weeks of stress that it's impossible to make everyone happy. Granted, the day may be filled with some measure of anxiety no matter what. But do whatever YOU need to do to lessen it. If you need to only have 10 people at your ceremony, only invite 10 people! If you need to leave your reception early, assign someone you trust to take care of everything and go unwind with your new husband. It's meant to be one of the happiest days of your life, so let it be just that. You got this!

If your that concerned about it maybe a Low dose of Xanax would help, call your doctor if your diagnosed with panic attacks or a panic disorder they will give them to you.

@Amanda - how are we not friends??- I am the same age, also a nurse, also getting married in october and also suffer from generalized anxiety with panic attacks but the panic attacks have greatly reduced with some lifestyle changes and strong mental exercises when I feel a trigger.

Crowds aren't a trigger for me as long as I know the audience and honestly, its UO, but I learned to "do it anyway" and see the anxiety as a separate part of myself, almost like the anxiety is another person outside of myself and I would argue with "them". Seeing it as something separate and feeling the anger that comes from frustration helped me realize that the internal fear was NOT ME. it took YEARS of practicing. Now if I ever feel panic, its much shorter and less intense cause I recognize it as something outside of myself. and when I do feel panic I ride it out (and hope the danger isn't there)

icu nurse to ER nurse, code blues are a trigger and I pull together and "do it anyway" cause i have to get through it regardless of whats going on inside... cause the patients need us.... find that same voice that gets your through countless ER situations, hone that "get through it and do it anyway" and you're going to be a-okay

I hope you find a way to get it done - otherwise anything you choose in a way that'll make you feel safe and panic controlled (elopement, smaller wedding, etc) will always work for you <3

Your father can still walk you down the aisle if you do an elopement, and I strongly encourage you to go that route if the thought of people watching you is a trigger for panic attacks. Your wedding will be what you and your FH make it to be - so make it something that eases your stress and makes you happy.

I would also speak with your therapist about techniques to deal with wedding related panic attacks (I do hope you're still(?) seeing a therapist. Horrible panic attacks twice a week may be better than what you were experiencing, but is still extreme and should continue to be treated). While we can absolutely be supportive, encouraging, and do our best to help in any way, we don't know your individual situation like your therapist does. Even those who DO suffer from panic attacks aren't going to have the medical training and calming techniques your therapist does, so it is he/she that you need to go to for advice in dealing with your panic attacks.

WW can be a wonderful support and we CAN answer a lot of wedding-related questions, but we aren't all medical professionals.

Do you have a therapist you already work with? There are habituation exercises I've seen where you slowly start doing the thing that causes you panic, with at first just a couple few, then a few more, and a few more. Maybe something like that would help? Talk with a therapist or two and see what they suggest

Do you have an "as needed" med you could take before hand? With mine I can't drive or anything but it definitely puts the panic to rest for a little bit. I know how hard it is to face these things, but it's about you and your future spouse - no one else!

I have panic disorder as well. I used to not be able to drive, and I hate crowds. I can certainly empathize! Are you going to a therapist? Maybe talk through some parts of the day? A smaller wedding certainly seems in order for you. I still get them, too, especially when driving on major highways. I have an 'emergency' stash of lower dose Xanax that I never leave home without. Also - have you ever tried Yoga, or meditation? Yoga has really helped me, a lot. Best to you!!

OP, I totally understand what you're going through right now. Yesterday, FH and I spent around three hours completely breaking down and rebuilding our plans for the wedding because we're both introverted and I'm diagnosed with a panic disorder (Mom was wanting 200 plus people... no no no no no). If you don't already, as PPs have said, see a psychiatrist and see if they can prescribe you some "as needed" meds for when you start having that panicky feeling. They've saved my butt countless times.

I did a small ish wedding and only one bridesmaid. That really helped!

I would say find your anti-triggers, if that makes sense. Incorporate all things that will keep you comfortable. Maybe don't write your own vows, do traditional vows so it's short and sweet. 10 minute ceremony, done. Don't do a sweetheart or head table, where you're more the center of attention... just sit at a regular round with your parents!

Remember that you're surrounded by the people that love you most

I have a panic disorder as well although not to the severity that you do. I am mostly symptomatic in large crowds and of course I have a huge family who is insisting on a big wedding and yes before anyone asks they are paying it lol. My FH is the most amazing man on the planet though and set up for us to have a small ceremony two days before our actual wedding. So we will have a "legal wedding" and a spiritual ceremony. He has also promised to do his best to work with me and make sure I don't feel overcrowded and work with me to focus on just him if I begin to feel overwhelmed. Just come up with an action plan in case you begin to feel symptomatic.

I have anxiety as well and struggling with being the center of attention. I'm going to take Calms by Forte and hope that helps. I also plan on drinking chamomile tea as well to calm my nerves (it works very well for presentations at work).

I'd definitely try to identify what stresses you out about the wedding, and then change and modify your plans to set yourself up for the best day possible! If a small wedding well help - keep it intimate!

There are a lot of "spotlight" moments throughout the wedding day, but while they may be traditions, they are not required to get married

WW has a great article for couples who hate being in spotlight with awesome advice:

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/etiquette-advice/shy-introvert-wedding