Bride’s input into Bridal Shower

The only thing I had to do with my shower was give a list of guests and addresses and pick a date from a range provided to me that I was available! This is a lovely party thrown for the bride and they should absolutely graciously accept anything done for them and that's it!

Personally I'd be pissed too! But I am control freak.

A lot has changed where I live in terms of wedding ettiquite, the bride does control all. She might have seen different styles of wedding planning from her friends where she lives and thought that was the norm, whereas I know Ohio, where you live, tends to be more traditional.

Maybe you could just tell her you haven't seen showers planned like that before and ask what she thinks should happen, then suggest you want to surprise her with something fun and see what she thinks. It sounds like a very honest misunderstanding and like you both can definitely find a middle ground to be happy with here.

We are truly both a little type A, and I did allow her some input, but I really just want her to come in just before the guests arrive and enjoy the day; not control it.

Let her give ideas and have input! Especially if this is her only shower, but even if it’s not. The day should be about celebrating her. My mom and aunts are planning my shower but have asked for my ideas about food, favors, invitations, decor, and some other details. I know they’ll do whatever logistically works best (they’ve planned showers before and I haven’t lol). But it’s your daughters day and make sure that she feels like this event is about her and takes into account what she likes and how she wants to celebrate.

My FMIL is planning from bridal shower and the only thing she is letting me have a say in is the food because she knows how picky I am. Honestly I'm 100% ok with that too! I have planned everything else about this wedding so having the shower be a surprise (other than date, place, time and food) is actually really great! I think the shower should be somewhat of a surprise for your daughter. Maybe try to compromise with her, let her have some say but also have some things be a surprise!

I live in MA, my mom and aunt are hosting a shower for me in IL. The input that I gave was mostly around logistics:
-I gave them a few weekends that worked for me to travel to IL. I also wanted to make sure my bridesmaids that were in IL were able to attend.
-I gave her a recommended guest list (they were planning to invite everyone invited to the wedding that lived within the area. I didn’t feel like that was necessary as some of them are my fiancé’s cousins wives that I’ve never met.

They asked me for input put in some areas (location, do I want to play games, and deciding between 2 different options for favors). As a bride who is busy planning the actual wedding, I felt like this extra input was overwhelming and unnecessary, but appreciated that they wanted me to enjoy the day.

I personally view my shower shower as a lively event that my family is planning for me, and I want them to have their own spin on it, and make sure it’s something they can financially afford.

I know nothing about my shower except the day, time and location.

It i funner that way....why would anyone want to plan their own party?

I don't blame you at all for feeling this way...personally I think it is pretty rude to expect to plan a party for yourself that someone else is paying for......

I honestly know nothing about my bridal shower except for where it is and when I need to be there. My mom, FMIL, and MOH (sister) are planning it. They have asked my opinion on a thing or two and I would answer that but other than that I have had no say. Which, I should say, I am totally ok with a preferred! My mom and FMIL gave me 3 dates to pick from, they gave me the option between a dinner or brunch, and asked for me to give them a list of friends I wanted invited. That is as far as m involvement has gone!

The only "say" that I had in my shower was the date, time, and "theme." I was given the choice between a Sunday "tea party" or a Saturday "cocktail party" and I opted for the "tea party" on Sunday! But that was really it. I don't think the bride really gets a say.

My mom and sister (MOH) are planning my shower. I only know the date, time, location, and theme. Personally I'm happy to leave the rest to them. If they ask for my input. If they don't, that's cool too. I think it depends on the bride's personality. There's really no right or wrong.

I'm not involved in the actual planning of mine but I discussed ideas with my MOH as far as theme and decor and stuff like that. I don't like to be completely left in the dark but I also don't need to control it all.

Maybe you should both sit and run ideas through each other and you can take somethings from both of you. That way she feels at least a little involved and you can still put your spin on it.

View Quoted Comment

That sounds lovely and so thoughtful!

I'm sure she's in full-on stress mode where she's trying to control everything. I'm like that some days. I think it can come with the wedding planning territory and overflow a bit into other things. There are so many things to do, vendors to manage, details to think of... Unfortunately for my FH, he's the one I'm micromanaging. Haha.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have, but could you tell her that you really want to give her a special, stress-free, relaxing day full of friends, family and love?

I'm very blessed to be getting two showers (one locally and one near my FH's family a few hours away). My aunt is doing a fancy little lunch at a restaurant we both enjoy, whereas my FMIL is doing something in her home. I know both are going to be incredibly special. And, personally, I am SO glad that all I have to do, if anything, is provide the guest list and maybe yay or nay some menu items. I'm more than happy to just show up and be loved on and eat some yummy food!

One suggestion: avoid the bride/groom trivia games where you see how much the bride knows about the groom. Some of those questions are hard to answer and can be embarrassing for the bride if she gets them wrong.

My mom asked for my input. I gave her guest list, she ran a theme by me, and asked for our wedding caterer for desserts. She picked the invites, decor, food, and games. But she did consult with me, she said it was my shower so she wanted me to enjoy it.

My shower is a complete surprise from my maid of honor and bridesmaids. I don't even know the date lol. But I am very excited to see what they have been working on for a while. I can't wait should be sometime in June that I do know. 😀

I am 100 percent a type A personality and love to be in control of events. I am usually the only one out of my friend group who plans all our parties and vacations so it's a little weird for me to sit back and let others run the show. With that being I was asked a few questions about what I would like so I gave them a date in mind and the theme I wanted for decor so they have something to work off of. My bridesmaids know me well so they will be able to pick out decor easily based on my theme. My two maids of honor are working together with my mom on everything else. They will pick the place that works best as well as favors and invites, they will have full control over everything else. My only request was my theme, a date, where to show up and time. I do believe everyone is different so I would maybe ask a few questions to the bride but it's a very nice gesture when someone is throwing it for the bride and to have some surprises in my opinion is very thoughtful.