Brides with Anxiety

Hi! Anxious bride here

I communicated with almost all my vendors via email, this helps with a paper trail and I also didn't need to speak on the phone with anyone! If a phone call was warranted it was always a joint call with my FH with me so he could do a majority of the talking and I didn't have to!

I have my pintrest boards filled with all my visions so the decisions were made and I stuck with them to not second guess myself, I also have a google spreadsheet that contains EVERYTHING I need to get done or purchase with timelines on it to keep myself on a schedule. I also carve out a specific time in my day just to do wedding planning, so I know for example between 1-3 on Tuesday I'm going to get x,y,z done for the wedding and not concern myself with it anytime outside of that window.

I also found a photographer that specializes in awkward couples! I actually one a free engagement shoot from him off instagram and he was fantastic at making us comfortable in front of the camera, with silly prompts and scripts that neither of us were concerned with the camera and our pictures came out with genuine smiles we hired him for the wedding!

Do you do anything to help you coupe with your anxiety? Any exercises or breathing techniques to help you stay calm? I have a bit of anxiety so I understand. I try to stay positive and workout, anything to keep my mind busy and less stress.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! My FH also has anxiety, but he's definitely able to help with phone calls so that will help! I'm doing the same thing with having Pinterest boards set up and making a timeline for things I need to do, and I'm glad to hear those are working for someone else, too! I appreciate your help!

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Of course!

Wedding planning is a lot, but you've got a whole year to plan, and contrary to what other people say it doesn't need to consume every moment of your life. Be sure you're taking time to yourself to decompress and do something you enjoy and not just wedding planning the whole time!

View Quoted Comment I've been going to therapy for years and I'm on anxiety medication, so I have a LOT of coping strategies. Unfortunately, they don't always work, especially for big things like this.

View Quoted Comment Trust me I understand! Because even for me when I try my hardest not to stress, I still do at times. It’s hard, but I try to work through it as best I can. You also have the support of your fiancé as well.

Maybe you could get a wedding planner. You'd only have to communicate with one person then and all the planning will be done for you.

View Quoted Comment I have a wedding planner, but it's my sister's roommate who IS an event coordinator, but she has other things she's doing for her actual job and this is kind of just a side gig for her. And she took longer than I wanted to get ahold of the venue, so I'm not sure I trust her with calling everyone else in the timeframe I want. Which might be another anxiety thing, because I want to do everything on the specific timeline I've already made.

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It sounds like you're being really hard on yourself with deadlines. It's okay if you don't stick to them exactly. Also, I do one of two things when talking to vendors:

1. Rehearse the conversation, including with multiple ways the vendor could respond to questions, and take notes.

2. Write an email. This makes it easier to gather my thoughts.

Vendors will probably email you contracts anyway, so you might not need to call many (or any) of them.

Something that I found SUPER helpful was breaking it down into individual things that needed to be done. Thinking about planning a million things always puts me in a tailspin, but when it's just "hire photographer" or "cake tasting" it's a lot more manageable.

Another thing I did was finding a planning checklist with dates of when things need to be booked (WW has a great option for this), and then putting it all on a calendar. That way you'll know that everything has been scheduled to be handled at some point, you can break that one thing down into even smaller, more manageable tasks, and you can just focus on one thing at a time. For example, the week I planned to find a photographer, I had a day to make a list of photographers that fit within our budget, another day to research which of those on the list I liked their style, a day to reach out for info and ask questions, a day to narrow down the list, and then a day to make the decision. A lot of the tasks didn't always neatly fit into a week, but it helped me to just focus on the one or two things scheduled for that week instead of EVERYTHING all at once.

Anxious bride too!

My fiance and I both have diagnosed anxiety and we are both medicated for it. I got all of my vendors booked immediately after we got our venue except our dessert (I'm struggling last minute with that currently). But getting it done helped my anxiety. I just made a list and took it one thing at a time. I emailed everyone I could and then took it from there. I wouldn't book a vendor without at least talking on the phone or video chatting. We ended up not picking vendors we thought we liked after talking on the phone because we realized we just didn't vibe with them. And do the call together! My fiance and I made sure we were both available to talk to any vendors together which helped with the anxiety of doing it. You can make a list of questions you want to ask. After the first vendor call you'll realize how much easier the next ones will be.

Not to add to your anxiety, but I would jump on booking vendors asap. A lot of vendors are booking through 2024 already. My coordinator and photographer update their 2023 available dates on their social media and they are already booked for a lot of 2023! So if you know there's a vendor you like a lot I would just take a deep breath and send an email! Doesn't have to be perfect. Just a "hey I'm getting married this date, I like your work etc, do you have availability?" Once you connect via email and email back and forth a few times you'll build a bit of a connection and then it becomes a lot easier to talk on the phone once you've made that personal connection with them.

Also a wedding planner if you have the budget. I did not so I hired a coordinator for day of (which i personally think is a must). That person will talk to all of your vendors the month before and tell them when to show up and deal with them day of, help set up day of and help the day move along as it's supposed to so you don't have to! But even the coordinator if you find you are stuck on what to do next, will answer questions for you and give you advice. I've had a couple of talks with mine since I booked her and am actually about to send her an email to ask her advice on something!

Good luck!