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Just Said Yes June 2017

Bridesmaid at wedding this weekend, 35+ people

Shelby, on April 24, 2020 at 10:21 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 22

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Ok so my friends were supposed to get married in South Carolina this Sunday but had to cancel that due to travel restrictions. We assumed the wedding was off but 2 days ago they decided to get married anyways at their parents backyard. There are supposed to be 35+ people attending and it’s going to be cold and raining out so everyone will be crammed into the tiny house. My husband and I are apart of the wedding party so I feel like I need to go to the ceremony but I don’t know how comfortable I am attending the reception with that many people right now as I share the same house as my elderly grandparents. What would you do in this situation and should I stay for the entire wedding?

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Latest activity by Tiger Bride, on May 4, 2020 at 9:00 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on April 24, 2020 at 10:37 AM
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It doesn’t matter if it’s the ceremony or the reception, it’s still the same amount of people crammed into a room. No way I’d attend any of it.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on April 24, 2020 at 10:53 AM
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Yikes! They honestly shouldn’t be putting any guests at risk right now, especially since everyone has to be inside. I’d skip the entire thing telling her about your grandparents and mentioning if they want to hold a renewal or reception once it is safe, you’ll totally be there.
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Just Said Yes June 2017
Shelby · on April 24, 2020 at 11:00 AM
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Thanks for the advice, I thought it was a little selfish to still be asking people to attend right now and I’m surprised so many people are even going, I also spent $150 on my dress and it deserves better than a rainy backyard wedding! :/ I think my husband and I will dress up later this spring with our wedding outfits for a date night at least!
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Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on April 24, 2020 at 11:01 AM
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No way I would attend. You don't have to tell them the whole idea is stupid and dangerous (although it is). I'd just say that you have to be especially careful because of the elderly grandparents, so you'll be unable to attend.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on April 24, 2020 at 11:12 AM
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I agree. It’s fine to elope right now but not to ask 35 people to gather in a house! Very uncaring. Sadly, she might resent you backing out but I would too, for your safety and the safety of your family. 🤗

Yes! A night out in your new outfits would be fun! Sigh... I miss date night out, and fancy food we don’t have to make or clean up. 👗🍽
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VIP October 2021
Monica · on April 24, 2020 at 11:29 AM
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Honestly their event may get shutdown. If the neighbors complain and report them the police will come and everyone will have to leave and they will get issued a citation/ticket. I live in California and the news just reported on someone who held a 15person bbq. The police got called by the neighbors and everyone had to leave. Like pp have said simply tell her you cannot attend but would like to support her and maybe suggest someone zoom or FaceTime so you can watch the ceremony.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on April 24, 2020 at 11:38 AM
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That’s a tough position. I wanna be there for a friend but at the same time that’s too soon to have a gathering. Stay for ceremony if you’re comfortable and don’t stay for reception
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on April 24, 2020 at 11:45 AM
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Safety (literally, this could be life or death for some attendees and their loved ones) always supersedes etiquette (feeling like you need to support your friend by standing in the wedding).
There's no way I would attend for my own reasons. But also, is this wedding taking place somewhere there are active stay at home orders? Even if I wasn't worried about my immunocompromised husband, I wouldn't participate if it were breaking the orders.
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Super March 2020
Jennifer · on April 24, 2020 at 12:17 PM
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Yikes. 35+ people is honestly silly to attempt right now. I wouldn't go. Especially in a state that has been hit as bad as Cali.
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Expert October 2021
Megan · on April 24, 2020 at 12:30 PM
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They're doing an incredible disservice to their friends and family right now--I wouldn't attend period, especially with elderly people living in my home.
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Super September 2020
Laura · on April 24, 2020 at 1:08 PM
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I'd nope out. Period. With regrets and a lovely gift - they didn't ask for a rainy backyard Covid wedding either. And some people can't wait anymore. Remember, medical is tied to jobs and if only one person is working with benefits... those kinds of things are considerations. I would never have 35 people anywhere -right now.
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on April 24, 2020 at 1:25 PM
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I would not go if I were you, first and foremost because you live with your grandparents. If you did not live with/interact with high risk people, I *might* go IF it were all outdoors and I would wear a mask. 35 people indoors in a cramped space, no. At this point in time that is too much of a risk.
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VIP October 2020
Samantha · on April 24, 2020 at 1:43 PM
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Just bow out, your friend should understand. I don't see why it makes any difference whether you are staying for a reception or a ceremony, since your exposure will be the same either way. If you're not comfortable going that is perfectly reasonable and you don't have to put your health or the health of your loved ones at risk to attend a social event.
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VIP May 2020
Jai · on April 24, 2020 at 2:01 PM
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Honestly if it was me I probably wouldn't go. If the police shut it down you're a part of that and would be legally liable too. I wouldn't take the risk. If it was the regular mandated 10 people I would go. 35+ is too risky
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VIP June 2019
Hanna · on April 24, 2020 at 2:31 PM
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Yikes is right! I would not attend, especially if you're living with elderly grandparents. Way too risky right now...
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Super May 2021
Stacey · on April 24, 2020 at 9:08 PM
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Keep your grandparents and yourself safe and definitely sit this one out. It's simply too soon to risk it!
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Dedicated July 2021
Alyssa · on April 24, 2020 at 9:34 PM
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Gatherings of that size are not allowed right now. I understand that she wants people to be with her on her day, but chances are the whole thing could be shut down by the cops. It’s a hard decision to make, but I’d stay home!
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Devoted April 2020
Rhianna · on April 24, 2020 at 10:05 PM
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Nope. I would not be in attendance. If I did go, which would be stupid on my part, id wear a mask the entire time and then self isolate from my grandparents for two weeks, wouldn't even step foot in that house or go near my grandparents or anyone else. Also can't believe they're putting 35+ of their friends and family at risk.
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on April 25, 2020 at 12:46 PM
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I feel bad for your friend because she was probably not thinking too straight when she made this decision, but it is very dangerous (and a little selfish) for her to have that many people in a room at this time. I would not attend for any reason, and I agree, she may get her event shut down and get in trouble for holding it still.
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Savvy May 2016
Lily · on April 28, 2020 at 3:35 PM
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That's a tough place to be! I would explain your concerns to the bride and decline to go. But maybe offer to treat her and her husband to a lovely dinner when all this is over so you can gush over their photos and hear their wedding stories. You could also consider asking her to set up some technology so those who can't be physically present can still be a part of her day via Zoom or Facetime or whatnot.
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Bridesmaid at wedding this weekend, 35+ people

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