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Angel
Just Said Yes January 2025

Bridesmaid Budget Sheet - Destination Wedding

Angel, on June 20, 2024 at 11:29 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10
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I immigrated to the US 5 years ago and will be having my wedding in my home country. I would love to ask my close friends to be my bridesmaid to this "destination wedding." I understand that not everyone can attend or even will be able to afford it, so in my bridesmaid proposals, I'd like to include a sheet of what it would financially mean to be a bridesmaid in this wedding so that no one is caught off guard with expenses and people won't just blindly accept/decline.


1. I am not expecting a bridal shower or any gifts. The flight is expensive enough as it is.
2. Here is what I will be covering: - Transportation in my home country for anything wedding related (from the airport, to hotel, to pre-wedding dinner, to wedding location, back to hotel) - 3 star Hotel of my choosing until the day after my wedding- Excursion & Beach Resort for 2 days after my wedding (optional for attending, its a thank you for coming gift - not an obligation)- Food day of Wedding + Dinner the night before- Dress- Makeup & Hair
3. Here is what i won't be covering and will be their expense- Flight (avg. $900)- Any food beyond day of wedding and night before- Transportation for personal leisure, outside of wedding activities- Shoes (I don't care what they wear, even if its tennis shoes) - Accessories (Idc)- Upgrades to hotels if they want something 4 stars or above.
Is it rude to state these outright before they accept? I think the expenses I'm asking them to pay for are reasonable along with what I'd be covering. I also don't expect many people to come, I understand that its expensive - but I would still like to extend the invitation as these people are important to me.
Thoughts? Opinions?

10 Comments

Latest activity by Angel, on June 25, 2024 at 5:45 PM
  • Andrea
    Rockstar January 2024
    Andrea ·
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    I love the idea, personally. You can still have all the emotional part of telling them how much they mean to you and you want them to be bridesmaids. But then you can add “I know it’ll be expensive, so I want to be up-front about costs before you decide” and give them the sheet. I think your list of what you are and aren’t covering is very reasonable too.
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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2024
    Alexa ·
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    My only opinion add would be to make the proposal cost minimally something you could purchase again if your first group of people say no.
    For example, I wouldn’t get a 50 dollar proposal gift box and then have to buy 6,8 more for other backup asks.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    What are backup asks? Confused about what you mean.

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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2024
    Alexa ·
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    Back up asks, as in the people she would have to ask as back up to replace any bridal party hopefuls that said no or ability to come changed soon after and they had to decline. Now you would feel the need to buy another proposal for the person you are asking to be in the bridal party in that person’s place.


    Everyone told me to wait until 6 months before the wedding to ask my bridesmaids but I was SURE of you I wanted so I asked a year in advance. By 6 months before my wedding two bridesmaids let me know of other constraints that came up making them unable to even attend the wedding let alone be a bridesmaid. This was after giving them an expensive bridesmaid proposal box. I was good with a smaller bridal party though so I didn’t have to re buy my proposal box to ask anyone to replace those 2 spots. Just making sure OP factors that in.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Generally though, it's not great to go about replacing people. It can make the second choice person feel like , well, second choice. It also makes the replaced person feel replaceable. The general advice is not to treat your wedding party as props and that numbers don't have to be even. Loved ones don't come in matched sets.

    Asking 6 months ahead is good because that eliminates people dropping out. A year in advance is a long time to ask someone to commit to because things come up, as well as more chance for drama to start.

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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2024
    Alexa ·
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    Hi Jacks!(: you know I’m not the original poster asking the question right?? Lol
    I’m just responding to the original posters comment about asking her bridal party,
    It’s not about props for a lot of brides it’s more about having people up there with you. Your close girl circle might be 20 people deep but you only want 6 bridesmaids. When you ask though 5 of those 6 can’t come, so you’re saying just keep rolling with the 1 remaining?Why?If you have other close girls that would love the chance to support you?
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Because choosing them second could create hurt feelings.

    I know you're not the OP, I was just confused about what you meant with your comment about "back ups".

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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2024
    Alexa ·
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    Ahhh okay lol to each their own right 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ but for me, If a friend of mine asked me to step in as a bridesmaid after another one she asked was say pregnant or got a new job and couldnt do it, I’d say of coarse!
    The bridesmaid that said no could be her sister or close cousin and I wouldn’t expect to be chosen above them in either scenario
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Totally to each their own. Just that around here we've heard the occasional story from a replacement who didn't feel honoured to be asked after someone dropped out. I'm saying that not everyone would have the same reaction, and some people might feel hurt to be second choice.

    Back to the OP, I feel like asking your wedding party, then presenting a spreadsheet of expenses may be taken the wrong way. I would suggest just a verbal discussion of what your expectations would be is enough.

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  • Angel
    Just Said Yes January 2025
    Angel ·
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    Thank you for your feedback! Yes I'm definitely worried about how a spreadsheet of expenses would be received - but after much thinking, I've decided the financial state of most of my friends, its better off for me to clearly communicate what they need to budget out for this if they do decide to come. I wanted to ask them to clearly communicate how important they are to me without blindsiding them about what it would mean for them to agree.


    I appreciate the different opinion though! It really helped me consider the other side of things.
    As for backups - I am not planning to have any backups at all. Whoever and how ever many agree will be my bridesmaid, even if its only one of them. But I appreciate everyone for contributing to this convo Smiley smile)
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