Bridesmaid cancelled 😞

It's okay to feel sad she can't come. But, with time just reason that your wedding is not more important to her than her own health and family. She probably waited until she couldn't deny it any longer.

I went from 190 guests in March, to 140 invited, to 84 final for my wedding in August. At RSVP deadline, many of my side who are in healthcare and health scientists saw the Delta variant coming. Even though they were vaccinated, it was not my place to ease their anxieties because everyone has their own reasons for declining. It's not really anyone's business. Your wedding will still be lovely, minus 1 person.

View Quoted Comment Thank you this is helpful

It is sad, and I'm sorry it happened to you. Let it out, cry if you need to. But remember that she has the right to cancel for the sake of her health. Gah. I hate covid.

You gave a deadline of 9/18 but purchased nonrefundable items prior to knowing who could and couldn't come to your wedding. Just because you went to her wedding doesn't make her obligated to go to yours. COVID is a concern for many people, and given her condition she's justified in her reasons for canceling. Just like you're justified in your reasons for feeling upset. She shouldn't aired her concerns and you should've talked more with your bridal party about COVID concerns. There's a communication failure on both sides. Please focus on the big picture : you're getting married and about to spend the rest of your life with someone!

View Quoted Comment Buying non refundable items for your bridal party is different than buying non refundable items for the general guests. You have to plan stuff for your bridal party more in advance.

View Quoted Comment I don't see the difference, but we'll agree to disagree.

Your feelings are definitely valid, but imagine how hard it was for her to make that decision and let you know. If she’s your friend, she definitely didn’t make this decision lightly and didn’t want to disappoint you. She probably grappled with this decision until she couldn’t do so anymore and didn’t want to wait to tell you until your deadline to give you a little more time - just in case it made a difference. Feel what you feel, thank your friend for letting you know, perhaps make her as a “virtual” bridesmaid (perhaps she can still participate virtually in getting ready and attend the wedding virtually as a guest) and try not to let this one hiccup overshadow your entire day. You deserve to have the day of your dreams - and as long as your future spouse is there, you will!!

You have her a 9/18 deadline and she told you her answer on 9/10. She complied perfectly with your timeline, if that wasn’t your true expectation you should have told her.

It totally makes sense to be sad and disappointed that your good friend can no longer be a bridesmaid or attend your wedding. However, from your post, it also sounds like you're kind of annoyed, and perhaps upset with her. Personally, I'd try to let go of that part of your reaction -- as that seems unfair and potentially very hurtful for both of you and your relationship. As others have said, she may have really struggled with the decision. Things keep changing and seem to get more and more confusing with Covid, so she may have had a very difficult time deciding what to do. My daughter's baby is due in just a few weeks, and no matter how much we're all trying to stay positive and on an even keel regarding all the Covid risks/news, headlines about rising death rates for pregnant moms and increasing stillbirth stats are terrifying. Part of me wishes daughter and SIL would just lock themselves in their house till the baby arrives, but like she says, they have to work.... It's possible family members or perhaps her doctor advised her against traveling. Unless you traveled to Puerto Rico during Covid for her wedding, I'd try to separate that out.... It seems she has been perfectly willing to travel across country for your wedding until Covid became too great of a health risk. If it were me, I'd still try to include her virtually as much as possible and I'd certainly send her the gifts I planned to give her. She's still your dear friend despite very difficult circumstances that are preventing her from attending in person.

Good luck to you!

I definitely understand being sad, but if I was pregnant I definitely wouldn't be traveling right now with the Covid numbers steady going up. If you already purchased gifts for her you still could give them to her - I mean she has a legit reason for not coming. MANY doctors are advising against traveling while pregnant right now anyways.

While it is disappointing to think one or your nearest and dearest friends won’t be there for your big day, she also has legitimate concerns, especially since she would be traveling across the country while pregnant and with a little one at home. Unfortunately these conditions would not change if she were to decide to be only a guest. While giving a deadline for guests to let you know if they won’t be comfortable attending may be helpful, keep in mind that others may end up feeling this way past the deadline. My husband and I chose to go forward with our November 2020 wedding, and had quite a few guests back out the week of the wedding as Covid numbers continued to increase, people were put into quarantine, and others were still awaiting test results. While it was disappointing, we did our best not to take it personally and reminded ourselves that this was something well-beyond our control and were extra-appreciative of the guests that attended despite the circumstances.

I just want to say sorry. Being a bride can be tough enough at the best of times, but Covid brides sure have had an additional layer of crap to deal with! Is your friend justified in not attending your wedding?- of course she is. But that doesn’t make it any less crappy and disappointing for you! There’s no need to feel any sense of “blame” or “wrong doing” for purchasing nonrefundable items for your wedding party prior to your RSVP date. Every bride does this! If I were in your shoes, I would still give her the bridesmaid gifts. After all, they are gifts to say thank you for being a great friend - which she still is! I’m sure she feels terrible for missing your wedding, and receiving those gifts from you would probably mean a lot to her. As far as the bouquet goes, I would reach out to your florist and see if they are able to cancel it for you. Typically they don’t order flowers until right before they need to start constructing the bouquets and centerpieces, otherwise they would wilt and die before your ceremony. A lot of vendors are being understanding and flexible during these difficult times, and they may be willing to work with you. If not, use that bouquet somewhere else! You can put it in a vase next to your guest book or on your cake table. Or if you’re having a flower girl, you could have her carry it. I’m sure any little girl would be ecstatic to carry a bouquet! And if you’re not already doing so, you could live stream your ceremony so that the missing bridesmaid could watch from home!

One more suggestion: if you were unable to cancel the bridesmaid bouquet, you could just have the florist use those extra flowers to beef up your bouquet or your other BMs bouquets

View Quoted Comment Thanks for all your helpful comments!

I had a bridesmaid that could not be in my wedding and I wanted her to continue to in the wedding but she could not due circumstances. I was sad bc she was a good friend and she was supposed to walk with one of my groomsman. So what I did was I used her bouquet as part of my head table since my other bridesmaids were using their bouquets as decorations for my head table and my groomsman that she was walking with I had him be an usher, walk my mom down the aisle to be seated and helped with the aisle runner. He was also part of my bridal party when we were being introduced to go into the reception room. He walked with my my husband’s aunt, sat at the head and took pictures. I also had family and friends who didn’t attend my wedding bc of Covid and I understood and I already knew that people were not going to attend (valid reason). It worked out great and we had a great time.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this comment! Hopefully I just need the weekend to mourn this and then I hope I can just focus on feeling grateful for the people that can come!

View Quoted Comment Take your time it is a process. Once you get through the process everything will work out and you are going to have a beautiful wedding and you will enjoy your wedding. I enjoyed my wedding bc everything came together for our wedding. We had our family and friends who came and celebrated with us and there was no worries. I was married my best friend. Once you see how everything comes together you will happy. No stress. It was the best day and your wedding will be too

I’m so sorry to hear that and can totally relate. I would say, first and foremost, allow yourself to feel all the feelings. Getting married in a post-covid world is super stressful and emotionally draining and only those of us who have/are going through this can truly understand! Having people back out last minute is super disappointing and can bum you out, that has happened to me and my FH multiple times. Just talking it out with each other and with our couples therapist (we’re seeing one for premarital counseling) was really helpful, and venting to other friends. Of course we don’t blame anyone for canceling due to not feeling comfortable traveling as we are living in strange times, but it still is disappointing, both can be true. And then refocusing on the wedding, reminding ourselves that we still have guests that ARE coming and we are so grateful to them and it will be even more special with those people for that reason. And most of all, you found your person and are marrying them! It can be easy to forget that as funny as it sounds.


Perhaps you can celebrate with her at a later time or FaceTime her in, or something similar. Sending you positive vibes! Your day will be amazing no matter what!

I’m so sorry this happened. It’s frustrating when things get cancelled last minute. Maybe you can still virtually include her in some way, and I think it would be thoughtful to still send her the gift. And if you can’t edit your floral order anymore, you can repurpose her bouquet into a different floral decoration for the wedding.

I understand. I’m starting to get drop outs, but I get it. I’m down to 63 solid coming and I’m fine with that due to Covid. Getting married October 9.