Bridesmaid can’t make shower

I would accept that she declined. That's a long distance for someone to drive over a weekend, whether it's by themselves or not. It's totally valid to feel disappointed that she won't be there, but she probably already feels bad about not being able to make it, and I wouldn't try to pressure her into coming anyway. 28 people is a great turnout for the shower! It will still be special, regardless of how many people attend. Focus on those who are able to be there, and enjoy the bridal shower!

6-7 hours is a long drive and means this would kind of take up her whole weekend as well. The offer to cover the gas is nice - I am not sure if she would feel pressured - but you know how to phrase it to her I am sure

Also it will be a beautiful shower - I agree it stinks. When the VIPs can't make it - it hurts more - so I understand your feelings!

It definitely sucks when people can't make it, especially those closest to you, so you're definitely not being self-absorbed by being hurt about it. 2 of my 3 bridesmaids couldn't make it to my shower, and the day before my uncle went to the hospital so my aunt (who was brining like 5 people with her) had to cancel. We only ended up with about 20 in attendance, but it was still a really great time.

If you don't think she'd take your offer to pay for gas the wrong way, then I think it would be a nice gesture. But she may also have other reasons that she can't make it, so I wouldn't push it too much. I'm sure you'll have a great shower regardless

Generally a bridal shower is a shorter event 2-3 hours maximum. It is asking a lot for a 12-14 hour drive, even in a culture that is used to driving distances over flying. Perhaps you can reserve some time with just her during your wedding weekend, when she will be driving this route. A 20 person shower is not small, it's intimate and will still be fun and special. Focus on the love that's there.

I would accept the decline graciously. Pre-wedding events are optional anyway, and that's a really, really long round trip for a shower. I would let her know you totally get it. Sounds like your mom has organized an amazing event, enjoy it!

Agree with PP to accept the decline graciously. Showers are optional, and I would never expect anyone, bridesmaids included, to drive more than 2 hours to a shower. 28 is an amazing turnout! I had 12 at my shower for reference. I have never attended a shower with more than 20 people, and I've attended probably 20 bridal showers.

Aww man that's a bummer but 6-7hrs is a long drive (is that one way). I d tell her she ll be missed and to let you know if she changes her mind you d be happy to help her out with the gas. If its 6-7 hrs each way though that really is a long trip for a weekend. Try to enjoy your day and if she can't make it maybe she can attend virtually for parts of it!

Accept that she doesn't want to come. You've already done a lot to make it easier for her (halfway carpool, free place to stay), and she's still balking. Are you prepared to accept how you will feel if you offer to pay for gas and she still says she can't come?

6-7 hours one way is a considerable drive for what is probably only a few hour long event. I would honestly never expect someone to do that in the first place. This person is obviously traveling for (and paying to do so for) your wedding, which is the bigger, more important event, so let the shower participation go.

Additionally, you can have a great event with 28 people. We invited about 80-90 people to our wedding and only had 48 guests attend. My baby shower was 16 people, other than myself and my husband, and it was delightful. Bigger isn't better, and with Covid, inflation, etc people are selective about the social events they go to.

Enjoy being able to actually spend quality time with and interact with the 28 guests who do come to your shower.