Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

L
Just Said Yes September 2023

Bridesmaid confusion

Lauren, on August 23, 2022 at 7:04 AM Posted in Planning 0 10
Saved
Reply
Hi everyone,
I grew up in Kansas City and was pretty close with my family until we moved when I was 10 years old to California. While living in California we weren’t very close with my family back in Kansas City and I didn’t see them for several years. Now that I am an adult, I moved back to kids city two years ago to reconnect with family. So far we haven’t been very close and I don’t get invited over most of the time when they are hanging out. I don’t really blame them much because we were gone for a very long time. I’m getting married now and I am considering having my cousins in my bridal party. The only issue is we are very close and I hardly see them and I would bet money that they wouldn’t Have me as a bridesmaid if it was their turn to get married. The only reason I’m considering having them as bridesmaids is because I’m trying to repair the relationship and I think having them as bridesmaids might help. But at the same time should I have them as bridesmaids if I don’t feel very close or excepted by them? They are still my family and they’re nice when I’m around but I don’t feel very welcomed or included most of the time. My other issue is that my two friends that I would have in my wedding are from California and I’m not 1000% sure that they will actually make it out to Kansas City for the ceremony. So if I don’t have my cousins as bridesmaids I might be left with no one

10 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs.evans, on August 23, 2022 at 7:45 PM
  • L
    Just Said Yes September 2023
    Lauren ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Sorry we are not very close***
    • Reply
  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Having people be your bridesmaids is not a way to bring them closer to you (and in fact may make things worse). If you're interested in getting closer to your cousins, perhaps invite them to brunch/dinner/drinks/etc. Unfortunately, being family doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be friends/close. Why wouldn't your friends make it to Kansas City for the wedding? People travel for weddings all the time.

    If your wedding date is correct, you have some time to think about it though, as it's generally not recommended to ask bridesmaids before 6-8 months out.

    • Reply
  • E
    Expert September 2022
    EGD ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    My cousins and I were raised as siblings, there are 9 of us all but 2 are girls.

    I didn't want a very big bridal part, so I told my mom I was asking 3 of my cousins who I was closest to (her twins kids, our moms are identical twins so by DNA we're half siblings lol) My mom pressured me into asking another cousin who while growing up I was EXTREMELY close with, sleepovers every weekend, phone calls and video chats every night, but as we grew older we grew apart, she was still a "sibling" in my mind and i love her dearly but she just didn't make the cut in my bridal part, until my mom asked me to add her so I did.

    Adding her completely backfired on me, she caused me unnecessary stress and she is now not in the wedding.

    Your bridal party should not be used to mend family relationships, if you're not close now, asking them to stand up with you is not going to change that. Your bridal party should be filled with those closest to you who you could not imagine your day without.

    • Reply
  • L
    Just Said Yes September 2023
    Lauren ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you so much for responding to this post. Honestly I feel like I agree with you and I already knew the answer I just needed someone to confirm it. You’re totally right!!
    • Reply
  • L
    Just Said Yes September 2023
    Lauren ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you Becky!! You’re 100% correct. Wishful thinking on my part
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Super May 2022
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would not advise using an invitation to be a bridesmaid as a way to repair a relationship. Things usually go wrong with that. A wedding party should be people closest to you. I would pose the question to those two friends and see if they would be willing to be bridesmaids or if they don’t think they can make it.


    I know it might feel bad not to have bridesmaids, but from what I read on here a lot and my own experiences, honestly it’s worth not having a bridal party, or maybe just having one person stand by your side to avoid all the bridesmaid drama that inevitably comes with it.
    • Reply
  • L
    Just Said Yes September 2023
    Lauren ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you Erin!!
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    There are many posts about brides who chose the wrong people as bridesmaids and are looking for a way to take that back and some don’t care if the friendship/relationship stays intact. Asking someone to be a bridesmaid will not repair a friendship nor make you closer to people you barely know if at all. If you want to rekindle the friendship, work on that separately from the wedding. Get to know in-laws separately without asking them to be bridesmaids. Distance in miles doesn’t make a friendship disappear, because many people have strong friendships/relationships and are not within driving distance of each other. Not taking the time and effort to nurture the relationship does pave the road for it to fall apart.


    Then pick only your current closest innermost supportive social circle as bridesmaids. Those are the ones who are the very first you call or go to when you celebrate or vent about your relationship with fiancé. Don’t ask anyone before 6 months before the wedding because people and relationships do change.
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Don't use your wedding as a way to reconnect with people. It's just not a good idea.

    • Reply
  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Hi I understand that you are trying to repair your relationship with your family there in Kansas city but what you have described. And that they barely have you over or invite you there family togethers. You are not obligated to them and then you dont feel welcome. And they arent making effort to me to make amends. Did you ever ask why the family is so distanced with each other .So why would you want them in your wedding day and make you feel uneasy on that special day. And as far as your friend goes in California have you asked her to be a bridesmaid. I rather have 1 than to be miserable on your wedding day I hope that it all works out for you. Congratulations to you both on your engagement
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

37 Unique "Will You Be My Bridesmaid?" Proposal Gift Ideas
Wedding Party 37 Unique "Will You Be My Bridesmaid?" Proposal Gift Ideas Bridesmaid proposal gifts are a fun way to recruit your crew, and we're sharing...
23 Bridesmaid Robes Your Squad Will Want to Live In
Bride & Bridesmaids 23 Bridesmaid Robes Your Squad Will Want to Live In Getting ready with your BFFs never looked so good.
23 Cute and Cozy Bridesmaid Sweatshirts for Your BFFs
Bride & Bridesmaids 23 Cute and Cozy Bridesmaid Sweatshirts for Your BFFs From the bachelorette party to the morning of the wedding, these matching...
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics