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Just Said Yes April 2023

Bridesmaid cut off

Joanna, on April 9, 2023 at 2:21 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6

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So I had a bachelorette trip, I didn’t mind that not all my bridesmaid couldn’t go because I planned to have another bachelorette where everyone could make it. So I planned this mini bachelorette trip and 3 of my bridesmaids were able to attend. Everything turned 360 in a matter of hours. Prior to leaving for the trip one of my bridesmaid mentioned she had travel anxiety, which is fair I don’t think it’s that much of a big deal. Once we landed at our destination maybe 3-5 hours had passed and we were simply relaxing on the beach, when all of a sudden that bridesmaid decided to go up to the hotel room. Minutes later I received a text saying that she had booked a flight back home and she was leaving. She mentioned her anxiety got worse, and she wanted to go home. Now I understand that we all have things we deal with, but I would have appreciated full honesty and transparency beforehand. She was claiming that she couldn’t handle warm weather, when during the whole planning time I had mentioned we were going to the BEACH. When we landed I noticed her demeanor being not enthusiastic, but as she was leaving back home she was the most excited she had been during those 5 hours of being on the trip. I didn’t hear from her until 2 week before my wedding asking about the whole bridesmaids situation, I didn’t receive an apology. Now am I wrong for not talking to her or should I at least let her know she no longer is a bridesmaid? After the trip I had completely cut conversation with her.

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Latest activity by Jacks, on April 9, 2023 at 3:57 PM

Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on April 9, 2023 at 3:16 AM
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If you don’t care about ending the friendship, then go ahead and tell her that this is a deal breaker for you. Telling someone they are no longer a bridesmaid has nothing to do with attending an optional bachelorette trip and you will be ending the friendship by asking her to no longer participate at all in the wedding. Both of your ideas on how to solve the situation suggest that you do not consider her to be a friend or have any empathy towards her. But while the communication on her part could have been better, what’s done is done and her feelings are valid. Despite their popularity online on social media, destination bachelorette parties are not that common and they are not feasible for everyone. They are a nightmare for anyone who is introverted, as well as those who are on strict budgets and who don’t have unlimited PTO. That doesn’t mean that they don’t support you.
In your entire post, there is nothing to indicate that you are concerned about her and what is going on with her mental health and her life in general. That is not a reason to place all the blame on her because she is not entirely at fault, if at all. Have you made any attempts to reach out to her since the trip not discussing the wedding or have you already made the decision that her behavior was unacceptable to maintain any friendship? Life happens, adulting is difficult, and that’s not a reason to burn bridges.
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Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on April 9, 2023 at 7:01 AM
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Tbh, this sounds incredibly selfish, entitled and just a really poor friend… on your part. Your bridesmaid took time out of her own busy life, and spent her own hard earned money to travel for an optional celebration (despite suffering from travel anxiety!) all just to support you. Your other BMs didn’t attend at all, and that’s totally fine with you… but this girl went (literally) above and beyond her own capabilities to support you, and she’s getting punished for it?! I can’t even wrap my head around this logic 🤯
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Rockstar July 2022
Lisa · on April 9, 2023 at 8:41 AM
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I think you owe your friend an apology, not the other way around. She told you prior to the trip that she has travel anxiety, and she still made the effort to try to attend. Her leaving early didn't seem to have anything to do with you, but everything to do with her taking care of her own mental health. It's valid to feel sad that she had to leave early, but it's unfair of you to take it out on her. Instead of being understanding and supporting her and checking in on her after the trip, you cut her off. You mentioned that you would have appreciated full honestly and transparency beforehand, but you actually did know about her anxiety ahead of time. This situation was one where you should have been a friend first and a bride second.
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CM · on April 9, 2023 at 9:32 AM
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Exactly. All of this.
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VIP October 2022
Taylor · on April 9, 2023 at 12:54 PM
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Yikes 😬 from someone with an anxiety disorder I know things can sometimes become incredibly overwhelming. She tried to go beyond her limits for you and at the end of the day she needed to take care of herself. I would never fault a friend for that. This was an optional vacation. She didn’t flake the morning of your wedding. To cut her off was not cool on your part. I agree with Lisa that you needed to be a friend first and a bride second. Based on your reaction and behavior she must not be a friend you care very much about
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on April 9, 2023 at 3:57 PM
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Wow, your friend tried to do something for you knowing it would be hard for her. Now you're considering ending the friendship over it?
Sounds like you're considering two options, just stop speaking to her or kick her out of the wedding party. Both options are equally poor choices. She really doesn't deserve any of this.
Also you're planning two bachelorettes for yourself?
I might stop and have a look at your expectations of the people around you. I would reach out to your friend and check in on her wellbeing. I think so much should be handled differently.
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Bridesmaid cut off

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